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The Watercooler
Advice re: S/O's sister
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 442674" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>Thanks! We are on the same board. We both are open to regaining some type of relationship over time, if/when she is clean for a long period of time and has some insight into others points of view and is willing to show acknowledgement that she's done wrong to others and shows a willingness to change. Until then, both of us do not want calls, visits, family get togethers etc. We just don't want it around us. I've told S/O time and again that this is HIS sister and that if there came a time he was wanting contact with her regardless of her personal situation, I wouldn't hold it against him but that I would just stay separate from their visits. He still maintains that he is not interested and feels it isn't the right thing for him to do. </p><p></p><p>I've told him that if he isn't here to handle her if she does stop in this week, I am not sure how to handle things. It becomes awkward in a family dynamic when the actual relation isn't here (S/O). I have dealt in the past with her stating to all and sundry that I put words in his mouth and try to tell him how to think, behave, act etc. Nonsense it all is but I'm sick of hearing it. We'll have to play it by ear but I think perhaps if I don't open the door if she turns up, it leaves open the chance she'll stop by again next time she passes through town. So I'm leaning towards answering if she turns up. I'm leaning towards keeping it simple and telling her that husband is not home but that we discussed this all in depth and that I'm following his wishes (and I agree with them as well) to ask her to stay away until such a time as he feels she has made real changes in her life that leaves her capable of a adult sibling relationship with healthy boundaries. And leave it at that. It does sound cold doesn't it? When I read back that sentence I think "Cold Fish" but I also don't want to deal with her popping up in person or in any other way.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 442674, member: 4264"] Thanks! We are on the same board. We both are open to regaining some type of relationship over time, if/when she is clean for a long period of time and has some insight into others points of view and is willing to show acknowledgement that she's done wrong to others and shows a willingness to change. Until then, both of us do not want calls, visits, family get togethers etc. We just don't want it around us. I've told S/O time and again that this is HIS sister and that if there came a time he was wanting contact with her regardless of her personal situation, I wouldn't hold it against him but that I would just stay separate from their visits. He still maintains that he is not interested and feels it isn't the right thing for him to do. I've told him that if he isn't here to handle her if she does stop in this week, I am not sure how to handle things. It becomes awkward in a family dynamic when the actual relation isn't here (S/O). I have dealt in the past with her stating to all and sundry that I put words in his mouth and try to tell him how to think, behave, act etc. Nonsense it all is but I'm sick of hearing it. We'll have to play it by ear but I think perhaps if I don't open the door if she turns up, it leaves open the chance she'll stop by again next time she passes through town. So I'm leaning towards answering if she turns up. I'm leaning towards keeping it simple and telling her that husband is not home but that we discussed this all in depth and that I'm following his wishes (and I agree with them as well) to ask her to stay away until such a time as he feels she has made real changes in her life that leaves her capable of a adult sibling relationship with healthy boundaries. And leave it at that. It does sound cold doesn't it? When I read back that sentence I think "Cold Fish" but I also don't want to deal with her popping up in person or in any other way. [/QUOTE]
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Advice re: S/O's sister
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