Advice - should we call the cops and report an assault at school?

Steely

Active Member
In Texas, an episode like this would have fallen under zero tolerance and the boy would have been removed from the school and put into Alt Ed for the rest of the year - ASAP. He would not have stepped his foot back through that door. I thought most states had that zero tolerance law? I would be willing to bet that for confidentiality reasons they cannot tell where the boy went, but I would assume, and if not, demand that he be removed from the the school and placed in the Alt Ed school.
 

jennd23

New Member
I totally agree with Slsh on this one. Choking someone until they pass out is pretty serious. If this has happened before I wonder what has been done about it before? Obviously he hasn't been motivated to stop.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
If neither kid had special needs I think it would be different.

If that kid, with speech problems, is, say, autistic and the other kids bullied him to death, he is less able to control himself. I do think it's different. And I think ALL of them should have consequences. Bullying is horrible. What if the kid was in a wheelchair or hand Downs Syndrome, two disorders that are more visible than whatever is wrong with the bullied child.

On the other hand, if a child is dangerous, he should be kept away from the other kids. BUT...if your difficult child is going to bully other kids, he's going to get his head busted again another time. I have both a zero tolerance for violence OR bullying. That is how it is in my house. JMO
 

Jena

New Member
i have to be honest i do think that sometimes we can take a horrible incident and as parents and our love for our children we handle it from our emotional side of our brain. we all do it!

yes very upsetting and ridiculous that this occured with-o a doubt. Yet as someone else stated the child was teased to the point of snapping. We all know this too well also. bullying is a real hot topic in alot of schools here in new york as of late. I am quite sure other states are seeing alot of assembly's talking about the very same issue.

i still hold to my thought, both kids repremanded accordingly. I dont care about educational privacy the kid who choked him or whatever should be suspended out of school. your son a detention and a speech on bullying and the consequences of. than both boys be placed in the same room and explained what will happen to both. give them both the opportunity to express themselves in a controlled environment with a guidance counselor etc.

let's remember their boys and boys are different than girls. ego's come to play i find alot sooner than we seem to think lol.

they in my opinion really need the opportunity to come face to face prior to anyone being penalized for anything or you could have a major blow up or as you said fear of the other kid hurting your kid etc. when the other kid returns if he is suspended.

things happen, a bunch of difficult child boys in one room or even not difficult child boys. it bites and it was bad and i'm glad he's ok. yet be careful how you handle it as i'm sure you will be.

either way good luck! always something to handle or deal with

((Hugs))
 

Jody

Active Member
I would have called the police immediately and would not have thought twice about it. If I had two kids at home and my kid choked the other because he was being teased. To the point of unconsiousness!!!!! How did he know that he hadn't choked him to death? He didn't. Bottom line. Consequences. My child hits me at home, I am calling the police. This kid is out of control totally and needs help. I would make sure that he got it. I hate that he was teased, I hate bullying. It can result in many suicides and so many other mental health issues, but to be choked to unconsiousness for it. Nope. Most schools have a no bullying policy, and they need to enforce it to the max here. Teach those kids a lesson too. I think most of us have dealt with our difficult child's being teased. It hurts, it really does, but I don't see how we really have to think about this. A lot of us on this board will call the police if our kids harm us, unfortunately it's the only way they seem to learn. Maybe his parent's won't call the police and thus he hasn't learned the lesson to keep his hands off of people and their necks. I would hate to see a headline that a young boy choked to death his classmate in fit of rage due to teasing/bullying. How awful.
 

susiestar

Roll With It
I have not read the responses but I would call the police AND a lawyer. The school did NOT provide safety for your son and they do NOT call the cops hewn they should. They KNOW they have a legal liability issue and it is why they did not call the cops.

GO AND CALL IF YOU HAVE NOT.

You must not only protect your child but you must teach him how to protect himself. even if it is a hassle. He was choked to unconsciousness. he could have DIED. This other boy TRIED TO KILL HIM. THAT is what it is when you choke someone unconscious. It is NTO a game. THis other boy may have problems, but it does NOT mean he should be given a pass for this behavior. I am STUNNED that others say to not call the cops. Stunned and saddened.

Yes, your son teased him and behaved badly. It is NTO an excuse for violence. WHY did the sped teacher allow the teasing to continue? Why did she not call the police when the boy choked your son?

WHO thought it was a good idea to tell your son he shouldn't use the bathroom between classes because it was the most dangerous place?? YES, it is unsupervised but NO place in a school should be DANGEROUS. If it IS? Then the school needs to take strong, swift action to keep the kids safe. Iw ent to a jr high that previously had a bad rep for things like this. The year before I went a new principal stopped the drugs and violence almost completely. He called the police when kids were violent. He pressed charges even though the district didn't want him to. He encouraged us to stand up for ourselves against bullying and violence. Drug dogs came in weekly but not on a regular schedule. they just showed up. IT was the safest school in the city by the time I got there. The principal CAN stop violence and MUST.

NO child should be told to skip class time to use the bathroom because it is too dangerous to go between classes!! That is OUTRAGEOUS!!!!! To sacrifice learning time for safety in a SCHOOL????!!!!!?! WHere are the adults and who took their spines away?? The thugs are running the place.

JEss was molested by students in her jr high hallways. SHe had a generous bustline and the boys thought groping was "fun". IT traumatized her and made her feel like a piece of meat. The school did NOT want parents there to see how they were NOT supervising the kids. I pulled her after I was told that there was "nothing they could do" and that teachers could not be in the halls between classes to supervise the kids. It just is not acceptable and should not be acceptable.

If the school tries to get in the way of the investigation, call the superintendent of schools. Also go to the school board meeting and ask why it was allowed to happen and why a teacher told your son to not use the bathrooms because it was too dangerous between classes? Ask why this is allowed to happen to any student? The principal does NOT want the cops called because he does NOT want the school board to know he isn't keeping kids safe. that is his JOB. Schools act "in loco parentis" meaning in the absence of parents they take on that role.

What would happen if one of your kids choked another of your kids, left his neck swollen, and you went to the ER or doctor? CPS would be called because you did not keep them safe. But school won't call the cops or keep them safe so the law must be involved.

I am so sorry your son had to go through this. Violence is never acceptable.
 

Marguerite

Active Member
OK, time for the Aussie perspective.

First - it does sound like this other boy is a target, and has learned to respond inappropriately to ongoing bullying. That needs to be addressed.

Second - in the game, other boys began to tease the boy with the speech impediment. difficult child 2 knows this boy has a reputation for attacking by choking. I find it extremely unlikely that difficult child 2 would know this and not the other boys, therefore I believe they chose to bully, deliberately, to provoke a reaction. They got it.

Third - I suspect difficult child 2 is less socially adept than the other kids and opted in to the teasing due to imitation. He also was perhaps less capable of seeing how close to exploding the other boy was. I used to see this kind of problem with difficult child 3 and the bullying he copped at school. It sounds like difficult child 2 joined in with a "me too, ooo ooo ooo, I wanna be like you ooo ooo" and as a result became the main target. In a way, it's possible the other boys were happy with a result that had two weird kids attacking one another. It's like kids who each bring along a dog to the park, then those kids work their dogs up, each of them, then throw them together to have a fight. re the dogs to blame? Or the ones who have set them up to fight? Even if this specific outcome was not the aim, there was certainly undefined troublemaking as the aim. It needs to be punished.

Fourth - the school's response. Or lack of response. Your son rang you, not the school. But your son was the one who was unconscious. This means there was time when he was unable to do anything for himself. Who was in control at that time? Why did it have to be your son to call you? Why was no ambulance called? I'll tell you why - because this school's first response appears to be, "oh dear, this makes us look bad. Let's go into damage control." That is a HUGE concern, especially given the previous points, especially the other boy's use of choking as a response to his frustration.

Fifth - the boy has choked others before but never to the point of unconsciousness. This tells me that the problem could be escalating. He is also getting older, bigger and stronger. It cannot be allowed to continue.

So what do you do? You could call the cops, but I think pressing charges would be complicated and may not achieve anything constructive. The best outcome would be to see a change in school response, and something being done to curb this kind of behaviour from ALL the boys. You do what it takes to get this outcome, you do what it takes to avoid anything less helpful.

Here, I would call the cops and talk to them informally. Ask their advice. Ask what programs they have that could be used to help. I would not be pushing, at this stage, to have charges pressed. But I WOULD be investigating the rules concerning what the school's response should be.

Again, I would also be calling the education authorities to determine this - the school's expected response in this situation. Again, I have the option of doing this informally or anonymously, especially if I don't ant to drop the school in it if they technically did nothing wrong.

I would also be keeping my son home until my concerns for his immediate safety at school have been resolved. I would put my questions in writing, but hand them over personally. I would add the phrase, "I require a response in writing." This forces the school to take some kind of a stand, to make a decision (hey, any decision, any time now, I'm waiting) which sounds to be to be a challenge for them.

If the school is unable to appropriately respond to these questions (which should include, "Why was an ambulance not called?" even if you suspect the answer is because they didn't want this to get out) then I would begin to take the matter up over their heads via the education system.

If this other boy felt so frustrated that he had to throttle someone, and regularly uses this as a coping strategy, then the school has a history of not handling this well and not helping this boy. Your son is another similar boy in that school and his welfare is obviously compromised (demonstrated in being advised to avoid the bathrooms between classes, as an alternative to, heaven forbid, actually trying to maker them safer).

This problem is much bigger than it seems, and runs much deeper and more long-term. You have an opportunity to be a force for change. If at any time the school gets difficult or touchy, point out that you have chosen to not press charges at this stage, because you want to see a long-term positive outcome from this incident. But the charges you are considering are not ones of assault against this other child, but of failure to protect (or whatever else you can throw) at this school.

Too many parents get to this point and, when it begins to get too difficult of they feel it is beginning to cause repercussions on their child, they back off and drop the issue. That's why these problems perpetuate.

I know I offend people sometimes, because I stand my ground and don't walk away, until I have done all I can. But I have found that anyone who gets offended by my approach, thoroughly deserves to be offended. I don't fuss about staying in the good books of someone whose opinions I have no cause to value. And if my child is getting disadvantaged because I have chosen to take a stand, I will fight on that front too. In Australia we have "whistleblowing" legislation that protects from ANY repercussions, those who alert authorities to a problem. We're actually dealing with this with easy child 2/difficult child 2 right now - she has a problem with her college, she tells the disabilities support person, then next lesson her teachers are upping the ante. As a result, she has been increasingly reluctant to ask for what she has been told she is entitled to. This is wrong, but a common tactic from those who resist the need to do their job properly. Attack the messenger.

So to take action requires strength and determination, not only for yourself but for your child. Think before you do or say what you feel you need to - how will you handle this issue too if/when it happens? Can you follow through to the last part of the task? Because to start things, then drop them halfway and incomplete, is actually worse than doing nothing.

I have seen things through to their conclusion enough times to know that eventually, the opposition backs down. Sometimes it slumps into sullen, inactive silence, but I HAVE, almost every time, seen the repercussions stop and sometimes reverse. But sometimes before it gets that far, it can get nasty and a personal attack (on you and your child) can be part of the "I do not want to deal with what you are raising" response.

My children have seen me fight, and win. They have also seen what happens in the process. They know that I don't fight every battle. Only the ones I feel are winnable and not too muddy. They have also seen the seamy side of the response and have learned that first, I believe they have been worth the effort to fight for; and second, winning and causing positive change is possible and worthwhile.

Marg
 

exhausted

Active Member
Here is the problem-this is a safe school violation. There are laws about this. The school should have called the police. This other kid needs help. Most school systems have mandantory classes for kids and parents who committ safe school violations. Ours has anger management etc.

Yep-cops are not that helpful in most places. Unless they are resource officers, they hate dealing with juvenile stuff. However, the parents of this kid must know they have a problem by this age? If they don't, sometimes the court system is where dealing with issues gets forced. Maybe they dont have resources. I think talking to these parents could be tricky. I don't say you shouldn't, you just don't know where it could lead.

A kid this volitile is not safe for the others. I wouldn't want my kid at a school if they were this dangerous. Yep we have difficult children and we understand, however violence this dangerous? How will your boy feel if you don't call since he asked you to? I don't know this seems a bit serious to let go.
 

JJJ

Active Member
It may depend on the state, but our school district will tell us what punishment the other child received but not his/her name. Wrightslaw also supports the right of parents to know the consequence given to someone who assaulted their child.
 

susiestar

Roll With It
I forgot about the safe school stuff. Here the district has flyers and posters with a toll free number to anonymously report dangerous things in schools. They are at the entrance hall of every school in the district. It is a state wide program. I think most states have them.

Marg is right. this IS a deeper and longer running problem. The school needs to do a LOT with regards to these issues. There really are parents of kids who do not think they are bullies or that they would do things like this. I have known parents of kids that scared me, kids that I would not want to be alone with anywhere, because they were violent and unpredictable. But the parents thought that their kids were being picked on or people were making it up. I have also known parents who denied drug problems and the associated behavior when anyone else who met the child just once could see the signs - including stoned behavior. So the boy who choked your son may actually have a parent who has no clue because they are so far in denial.

Hopefully this attack will be what gets some help for the boy and he can learn to react differently. I am deeply worried about ALL the kids in this school because the reaction of the teacher and the principal and the entire school seems dangerous and bizarre. We don't have zero tolerance policies here but no way would the police not be called and no way would the parent not be told and no way would an ambulance not be called. OUr school district's insurance policy mandates it for anyone who loses consciousness. the teacher who did not call 911 would be fired here. Any teacher who told a student to not use the bathroom because it wasn't safe between classes would be fired because it is their job to make sure kids are safe. If it was truly that dangerous it is the teacher's job to get the principal to do whatever is needed to make the bathrooms safe for all kids.

I truly hope you call the superintendent of schools and the head of the school board about this. They NEED to know that this is happening and is being allowed to happen. Any time a student loses consciousness they NEED to be checked out by doctors and parents need to be notified.

You son will likely need to discuss this with a therapist to help him work through it. Being choked out is terrifying (been there done that myself). Be aware that he may show signs of PTSD after this - and make sure that help is available even if he protests.

(((((hugs))))) to the entire family. I am so very sorry this happened.
 

Marguerite

Active Member
We have an author here in Australia, Tara Moss, who was interviewed on TV about her new book. She felt she needed to write form personal knowledge and so she hired a bloke to literally choke her unconscious, so she could really know how to write about it. I also am a writer and frankly think there are lengths to which it is ridiculous to go, but hey, it's her choice. And talking about it sells more books for her.

The thing is - people's response to her and this approach to research was interesting. Most people were shocked, some though, "Wow, what dedication to research," but I think most thought, "Wow - what a risk to take with your own life, and the brain you need to use to pursue your craft."

My point - this act is a big deal. Asphyxia is a big deal. When Tara Moss was choked unconscious, it was done by an experienced person who was acting calmly, rationally and not in a fit of anger. She felt safer because the person knew what they were doing, she said, and was aware of exactly how to apply just the right amount of force.

But in this situation, a kid lashed out and choked another kid. No experience, no calculated "I can apply this force for this number of seconds then I let go," it as "I want to choke the living daylights out of him and I don't care."

One is a controlled situation; one is definitely not. Both are risky, but the risks are greater, with the least amount of controls.

And for any school staff to be so relaxed about this, I am horrified. The only possible excuse I can see, is because this was an after-school event and it happened away from the main action, so possibly in the teachers' minds, tis was not a matter of school jurisdiction. But it still comes back to concerns for teacher response for difficult child 2's safety when he IS back in a school situation and this other kid is present. And also to their basic human compassion (or lack thereof) in not calling an ambulance for a kid who has been choked unconscious. Surely they are not really so lacking in compassion?

In which case - at some level, they DO feel a sense of "Oops, we dropped the ball on this one; now how can we salvage our jobs out of this?"

What do other parents think about this incident? It could have been their kid.

Then again - there is sometimes the attitude of "It happened to a difficult child, and we all know they're a bit weird and often can't be believed, trusted or valued."

The more I think about this, the angrier I am getting. Officialdom needs to be informed at some level, but whether it needs to be the police - I don't think the police involvement alone would get the necessary result. But on matters of keeping children safe at school - maybe there, the police might have something to say. Or CPS? Certainly the education authorities should be in a position to respond and help clean up this mess.

Marg
 

seriously

New Member
Well it's been a long day here and I'm not sure how I feel about everything I learned today but it's been educational.

Here's the way it looks now:

The back story to the choking is that this is a "game". The boy who choked my son plays this game with one of the other boys who was at the table along with a few other boys on campus. Apparently this game involves one kid choking another one and the one being choked is supposed to "tap out" like they do in wrestling when the one who is in a hold signals he's giving in.

The principal and I figured this out while we were talking to difficult child about what happened. This is the context for the other kid choking mine. We think the other kid thought my son understood this "rule" and knew to tap out when he started to pass out. But my son didn't know the rule and even if he had known it he said he wouldn't have done it.

I have to tell you - my kid can be soooo smart sometimes it just blows me away.

He had trouble figuring out how to say it but he managed to make it clear that he understood that this was making the victim participate in their victimization. Except, of course, these kids don't see it as victimization because they "all do it" to each other. It's more like a game of chicken played with choke holds. (Sometimes I am amazed that the human race has survived all these years when I see the absolutely suicidal things our kids do together and to each other.)

Back to the story here.

So the boys were playing cards. D, a boy who's friends with R (the choker) started teasing R about his speech impediment. difficult child says he imitated D and said one word in a distorted way. There is disagreement on how much and when R told the boys at the table to stop making fun of him. He says he told them several times before he choked difficult child. difficult child says he only said it once at the same time that difficult child mocked his speech. Given difficult child's stellar social skills, I am guess that R was telegraphing non-verbally and verbally that he wanted the teasing to stop but difficult child was oblivious.

I also think my difficult child was trying to fit in and get along. He seems to have decided that since D was teasing R that it must be OK for him to do the same thing.

None of the other kids tried to stop the choking because they all understood the rules of the game. difficult child did not and is so stubborn he probably wouldn't have tapped out even if he had known the rules. No way is he giving in to someone else that way.

When difficult child passed out none of them knew what to do but I suspect they all knew they were about to be in trouble. No one went for help or did anything to help him. When difficult child woke up a girl he knows who's also a freshman had come over to see what was going on. I'm not clear on the exact timing but difficult child regained consciousness and this girl was there. She wanted to know what happened and he told her. She told him he should go tell someone so he got up and went looking for an adult.

By the time he found someone it had been maybe 10 minutes (no one is sure of course) since he'd regained consciousness. The office was closed and there was only one teacher and the principal on campus. He found the Special Education teacher (the one who was telling him how the bathrooms were dangerous). She brought him to the office and had him call me. The woman was either in shock or she has the common sense of a spoon. She didn't think to call 911. She didn't think to even call me herself - instead told my son to call me. She didn't try to make difficult child give her the phone when he was refusing to tell me what was going on. She blathered on about the bathrooms to a kid who is already on the paranoid side. Nice lady but NOT someone I want along with me in a crisis.

I pointedly told the principal that I felt that 911 should have been called and my son checked for injuries. She said she didn't do that because it was clear difficult child had been walking around just fine for at least 10-15 minutes by the time she got involved and she really didn't know what had happened except that difficult child was upset. I told her I realized it was a judgment call but that I didn't agree with her on that point. I told her that ER took my son in immediately when they had heard the reason he was there and they had told him/me that he could have been very seriously hurt and that some problems can take a little while to show up (like swelling of the esophagus) and that it wasn't safe to assume he was OK like that. The principal thanked me for that info and said she understood my concerns. She didn't exactly promise to do it differently in the future but that was implied.

She had talked to the school resource officer - there's one cop for every 3 or 4 middle and senior highs. He told her that my son should be punished for bullying the other boy and that, if we chose to file a police report, this fact would diminish the seriousness of the accusations from law enforcement's point of view.

So she suspended my son for 1 day for bullying. The other kid is out for the week and she said he will be back next week barring any other new information.

She said she couldn't counsel me about whether to make a police report. She said the other boy was very remorseful and said he knows what he did was wrong. He offered to apologize to my son but the principal said not now - maybe later.

She told my son that she was telling the other boy the same thing - they needed to leave each other alone. That's the other thing that we found out today. difficult child and R have been bullying each other back and forth ever since difficult child started school there in November. So this was not an isolated incident as it first seemed to be.

The principal said that they were taking this very seriously about 6 times at least. But she also said that R will be back to school and that difficult child and R need to stay away from each other. If there is another incident of violence between them then the consequences will go to a new level since they have both been warned.

He blustered through most of the meeting and spent a lot of time whining/perseverating about how everything bad always happened to him ever since he was a baby. I pointed out that if he hadn't teased the other kid he wouldn't have gotten hurt when he was whining about how he hadn't done anything wrong and the other kid D was doing it too.

I took him to the police station and we filed a report because his probation officer said that we needed to do that. Pretty much took the decision out of my hands. But the cop who took the report said he was filing it as an information only report. He seemed to think it was NOT a big deal that my son had been choked to unconsciousness. He and my son had this chat about how it takes about 20 seconds to make someone pass out that way. The cop had just done a training about that last week and they had all had to do it to each other in the training. He said you don't pass out very long - just long enough for a cop to get cuffs on you. He gave my son a very brief lecture on not letting his mouth get him in trouble and told him that it would get easier to do that as he got older.

I am going to bed now. I am so tired and I still have so much work to do tomorrow cause you know all this drama took up my whole day.

I'll post some more tomorrow if I get a chance.

Thanks for all the input.
 
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timer lady

Queen of Hearts
seriously, I'm a bit late to this thread & have read most of the responses. I'm flabbergasted at the lack of supervision/response on the part of school employees & staff. If it's an after school event there should be at least 2 staff persons in the room with Special Education kids.

I know from the tweedles if it's not seen or witnessed by someone who will talk immediately, not much will happen when it comes to a police report.

I agree that 911 should have been called immediately. A principal should never ever assume that it's okay because the kid's walking for 10 minutes.

Saying that, a "different tack" is generally taken with the special education students. While the repercussions of suspension come into play, the fact that an IEP for mental/emotional disability is on file, the disorder of this or that student is taken into account when reporting to police comes into play.

Having dealt with wm on these issues, SD seems to believe that bringing juvie in will not address the underlying issues, i.e. social skills, speech impediments, emotional & mental health disorders, NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD), etc, etc, etc. The very kids who tend to act out like this are the very kids who won't learn much in the juvenile system.

Both kt & wm have been told to stay away from some of their peers because of situations of this nature. Easier said than done in some cases.

A police report is a good thing. It gives documentation for any other episodes involving your difficult child & this young man.

Keep us updated, please.
 

AnnieO

Shooting from the Hip
Sweetheart - make a report to at LEAST the superintendent and/or BoE.

Your police were NOT helpful. No, bullying is not appropriate in any way but I want to say something else - SAFE SCHOOL - VIOLATION. Period.

If it is ON SCHOOL PROPERTY **and** there are teachers or other school adults - they have a responsibility to keep kids safe. In fact - a few years back some high schoolers from a rival town trashed our football field (paint, gouges, etc.), and one of the kids responsible got a cut on the leg climbing the fence. Her parents sued our school district for the dangerous fencing. And won. Our district appealed, and it was overturned, but it says that there's a reasonable expectation of safety on school grounds...
 

Andy

Active Member
At this point I am very concerned that the school and the police are not taking this "choking game" seriously. This is soooo dangerous and they have to know that the kids will not stop there. Once it is an "old" game, they will go onto something even more dangerous. Wasn't it in the news a few years back of how some people got a "high" off of this type of activity so were hanging themselves to get the same effect? And many were actually dying because no one was there to stop it? That could have been in connection with taking drugs at the same time?

I think a letter to the school board asking that this "game" be dealt with. Whatever it takes to educate the school staff and students on how dangerous this "game" is.

Educating school staff and parents on how to watch for signs that a child is involved in this "game". It is just as deadly as drugs and alcohol. Your difficult child I am sure is not the only kid who would refuse to "tap out", someone will be seriously hurt. The police and school can help by starting to put an end to this by taking it as a seriously violent act regardless of the "fun" the kids think they are having.

Your letter can indicate that in a situation involving your son you have learned of a dangerous game the kids are involved in and would like advise from the school board as to how you as a parent and the school as a whole can address this situation.
 

seriously

New Member
Stepto2 -

I feel like I am still processing this incident and have some breathing room since the other kid is on suspension and my son is OK. My son's IEP meeting is tomorrow and my agenda now includes a thorough discussion of this incident and a concrete safety plan for my son when the other kid comes back to school.

I feel puzzled about the apparent low key response from both the principal and the cops. I can understand the cops better I think. They see people who are killing other people with knives, guns, clubs, etc. To them this is a dust up between two teen roosters. That was certainly the attitude of the cop who took our report.

The principal keeps saying all the right things - that she takes it seriously, etc - but her actions that day don't seem to support her statements now. I have this impression that she thinks there's nothing she could have done to prevent it (she's right of course) and that there's only so much she can do to stop kids from playing dangerous games like this (also true) and that this comes across as a sort of apathy to me. She is so calm and I'm not that good at non-verbal social stuff myself so I'm not sure if I'm reading things wrong or not. She just never seemed shocked like I felt and really didn't seem to think it was wrong that she didn't call 911.

She did apologize for the Special Education teacher being an idiot (not her words of course). The Special Education teacher told her they had already called me when the principal got there. It didn't occur to the principal to get more specifics. She said she would speak to the teacher because she completely agreed that difficult child should not have been the one making the call.

Life is messy and this is pretty messy which is what is making me second guess my reactions. I will be interested to see how this plays out tomorrow in the IEP meeting.

Thanks again for everyone's input. I may take more action but I'm kind of waiting to see how things go tomorrow.
 

Andy

Active Member
We were posting at the same time - see my post just before yours. I think the school can be more active with trying to stop the "game". They promote no drugs/alcohol, they can also promote no choking!
 

exhausted

Active Member
Seriously,
Bless your heart-you have your hands full. It sounds as if you have done all the right things. A letter to the super is a good idea. When you have rested and you feel clear and if you want to. No teacher or administrator learns to deal with these crazy things if parents don't force the issue. Take care of yourself.
 

susiestar

Roll With It
This principal is trying to get you to let her bury this issue. The police tend to not take things at school seriously unless the school does. They follow the school's lead. We have one school that I could easily see this happening at. Our middle school. The other schools would NOT tolerate it. the student would be expelled, put on homebound as LRE if in Special Education. I have every confidence in this. The teacher would be fired here.

You NEED to go to the superintendent and board of ed. Not just for your student. Parents need to know that kids who are there for activities are left unsupervised or with bad supervision (what the teacher gave was bad supervision). I am sure the parents think that the kids are bieng supervised and kept safe at school and this is NOT the case.

If school had called 911 and said that the student was choking your son, sirens would scream and tires would squeal and handcuffs would be applied. I think the resource officer is paid partly by the school or else is friends with someone. what he said was partly right but overall NOT. The bullying would be taken into account. As it should be. But violence is NEVER to be tolerated at school. period. So telling you htat it was less serious because your kid bullied the other kid is WRONG. It sends a message to ALL kids that they are NOT safe because it is OK to hurt someone, even make them unconscious, if they are teasing you.

Is that truly the message the school and police should send?? Your son didn't deny his part, which is good.

I am super disturbed by the teacher who told your son it was not safe to go to the bathroom between classes. That he now had to be afraid to go urinate because the other kid could be waiting for him. If this is a problem then the school has a duty to supervise the bathrooms at that time. REGARDLESS of who has to go stand there and smell the funk of a restroom in a school. I know my jr high put teachers in all the bathrooms between classes, at lunch and before/after school because kids were smoking in there. What happened to your son was a LOT worse than smoking. That, at least, is a personal choice. being attacked is NOT.

This must be addressed. The facts are that the school did not stop the bullying and did not take appropriate action when a student was attacked and fell unconscious. I am very sure that the school board would be highly disturbed to hear what happened, as would all other parents. I advise you to go and get an attorney to help you deal with this. The school or the other boy's parents should pay for the ER visit, any damaged clothing, and for emotional damages. I am sure your son will NOT feel safe at school for a while. I know I wouldn't. You also will be tense and worried about your child's safety for as long as he is at that school. How could you not be.

An attorney would be your best ally in this situation.
 

seriously

New Member
Susiestar -

I'm seeing the principal later this morning at my son's IEP meeting. I am planning to ask her if she has time to talk to me today about the choking game and what response she plans to make to the fact that this game is being played by students on campus.

I also have calls into the school district asking about district wide awareness and education of students about this extremely risky "game".

Thanks for the advice about the fall out from this incident and making sure the other parents and school district are made aware of and address this incident.

I am waiting to talk to our Special Education advocate about the incident and get her advice on how best to proceed.

The IEP meeting today is very timely and creating a concrete Safety Plan for my son is at the top of my agenda.
 
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