Advice

[giggleseasy]

So, I've been making baby steps with my difficult child, and can slowly see a change in here (ie it only takes me 12 times to tell her not to do something, instead of the normal 300), well tonight, she and her cousin were playing *we all live in the same house*, when her cousin CHOKED her. I didn't scream, didn't curse, didn't do anything, except make sure that my difficult child was okay *she was, just some red marks, which I showed to our mother*, and then told my two girls *my difficult child and my easy child*, that they weren't allowed to play with their cousin anymore tonight because I will NOT tolerate the physical violence. Well my sister comes stomping out, and demands to know why I won't let them play together, I tell her what happened, and she snatches her child up and calls me a b***h, and I laugh in her face, and tell her she can call me names all she wants, I'm their mother and I said they weren't playing with her. Its like, my sister can't stand to NOT see my difficult child in trouble, because I tell you what, had that been MY child that had done that, I would have put her into a time out and explained that you just don't put your hands onto another person like that. I'm just SO tired of EVERYONE treating my difficult child like she is an evil child, while kissing the butt of my sisters child. Her child, is very rude to adults, slaps them, curses them, and not because she has any form of anything, but because her mother finds it funny. I'm sorry, I'm so frustrated I just don't know what to do. My question is this...was I wrong in keeping them separated for the night? DOES that make me a bad person?

 

[barbie]

You know what I dont get parents like that. Here I fight to keep my kids in line and somehow Johnny smartass comes along and slaps or bites one of mine and I gotta be oh okay, but if roles were reversed Id be expected to discipline them. The system is corrupt, and by system I mean society in general, not directed towards any system. In school, if your kid acts crazy, they blame you for not keeping the kid in line, but wait til you so much as spank them and CPS is knocking at your door, How does that work? Im damned if I DONT but Im damned if I DO too?

Sad thing is, the people who have kids "who can do no wrong" are the ones who see a pregnant lady in a bus standing and wont give the seat to her. These are the people who raise these annoyingnly, self-righteous, monsters who have this sense of entitlement. Who dont know how to say excuse me, please, thank you, may I. They feel they deserve everything, and they dont. If I have to work to earn my money to pay for the things I have, my kids have to do the same thing, or else I feel they would be sadly prepared to handle life when it comes their turn.

Life and psychology dictates, that we will do less desirable things to get a desirable reward. Work to get a paycheck to have money. Clean our rooms to go out. Pay our electric bill (less desirable), to have lights and TV(desirable). We would all do well to teach our kids this, and its one thing if the kids have ADHD, cause damn it takes a minute to teach a lesson and less than that to forget the same, and when your kid cant pay attention long enough to learn it, but not to try I think is punishable. I seriously think they should give kids, like they give em sexual education,-- parent education, some sort of test should be required to procreate. LOL. Cause I sure have seen some parents, like your sister, who need to teach, something they obviously havent learned. Just my opinion though.

 

[KTMom91]

Sadly, I see way too much of this self-righteous attitude. I'm a substitute teacher, and there are schools I will no longer go to because of the overall unpleasantness of the little darlings. I would prefer to be in a classroom of children where their parents are teaching them to do the right thing (even if they forget sometimes) then spend my day with children who think it's my job to entertain them and tell them how wonderful they are. The parents want to see themselves as perfect, so they must have perfect children, which means that whoever is correcting that child must be wrong. I tried so hard to make Miss KT understand she is accountable for her actions, only to have some "well-meaning" teacher tell her it was OK because she had difficulties. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but don't we all have some difficulties somewhere? Giggles, you were absolutely right to defend your daughters from their cousin's meanness. Too bad you also have to defend yourself from your sister.

 

[giggleseasy]

I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one that finds it frustrating when people don't want to open their eyes about their children. I just...I'm so tired of crying and trying to make my difficult child understand, because I don't understand. Tonight when we were brushing her teeth, I would tell her to keep her mouth open, and she would for a few minutes, and then it'd close again, and its so frustrating because I can see her fighting to listen, but its like she just can't help herself. I don't have anyone to talk to, because in this house, its like..she is the enemy, my sisters child is the princess *literally, she has a XXX crown that she wears ALL the time*, and my easy child is treated like a princess too. I hurt so much for my difficult child, and I know it hurts her too, and I just don't know how to help her.

 

[SRL]

Am I understanding it right that you're living with your mother, sister, and sister's child? If so, do you have any other options so you don't have so much family togetherness?

Honestly I can't offer you much hope that this will correct itself anytime soon. I have seen family's attitudes change, but generally that occurs over a period of years as they see the child progress due to interventions or as they see other children in the extended family diagnosed.

I'm sosrry it's so hard right now. Parents separate siblings from each other all the time--it's a normal thing to do when one or more of them is acting out. Did it myself with my easy child yesterday in fact.

 

[giggleseasy]

I moved in with my family (father, mother, sister, her boyfriend, her daughter and assorted pets) one month ago. My daughters and I moved from Alabama to North Carolina, because the situation that we were living in was not a healthy one for any of us (emotional abuse, along with a touch of physical), and as of right now, I have no other options. I'm super frustrated because there is nothing I can do, I know its not helping ANY of us but I do feel that there are things that could be happening to make it easier at least.

 

[SRL]

I don't mean to suggest there's no hope, but it's very difficult to change attitudes of others.

Have you contacted the domestic violence resource center in your new area? That would be one suggestion I'd have to try--we just worked with them in another state to help a family member and that one had a lot of resources available, including housing, help with obtaining employment, counseling, legal aid, etc.

 

[Lulu]

Good heavens, that is a stressful situation for you to be in. I'm sorry you're having a struggle with this. I think SRL gave a good suggestion to contact the resource center where you are now and see what they can recommend. Best of luck to you, and keep us posted!