advice

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by snydjm, Jan 12, 2009.

  1. snydjm

    snydjm New Member

    I am just wondering if anyone else has run into problems with working and dealing with there ODD child. I have found myself so stressed over dealing with him as a single parent. I am just so overwhelmed and had FML when I was working full-time but things were so out of control and I ended up getting sick everytime I turned around. I finally cut myself down to part-time to try and manage it all. I just had myself so run down physically. I finally lost my job as I no longer had FML to cover it. I held the job for just over 11 years.

    His father has a lot of the same issues so of course he doesnt see the problems his son is having. He is so blinded by his issues that he has tried to take me to court to get sole custody of my children so that court battle has been going on for a year. Thankfully the courts are so far seeing that I am trying to get the child help but dad is standing in the way. I am not wanting to sit at home. I want to get back out there and look for another job but am not sure if it is the best thing to do. I have someone else in my life now so I am not sure if I should just stay home and try to just deal with the kids or try to get back out there and keep trying to work even though it has been so difficult.

    My oldest would always want to stay home if I was sick and getting him to school has always been a fight but that is one battle I refused to back down from. He needs to go to school especially on the days I was home sick cause I needed the rest as I would always get upper respiratory infections. Even when I wasn't sick that was a fight. To the point where I have begun to think there may be issues of separation anxiety and I find myself questioning why. I loved working cause it got me out of the house and away from the behaviors and the attitude. It kept me away from the fighting at home. I have found that not working things have been a bit easier to manage mostly cause I have more time to be on top of him. But OMG some days I just so miss being able to get away from it and go to work. I have seen some of the issues subside as he gets older and I can only hope that trend continues.

    I am not the type who can sit around doing nothing. I am on the go from sun up to sun down so sitting around here will eventually drive me stir crazy but on the other hand I see how much things have improved since I haven't been working and now i am not sure which is better to do. Any advice?
     
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Welcome. I'm glad you found us.

    Can you give us some details on the child who brought you here?

    How old is he?
    Has he ever been to a child psychiatrist and/or neuropsychologist?
    If so, what is the diagnosis?
    Is he taking any medications?
    How does he do in school, both academically and with peers?
    Any speech or developmental delays?
    Any mental health issues or substance abuse in the family tree?

    When you get a chance, please go to the User CP tab at top lefthand and fill out a signature similar to mine below. It will appear every time you post and help us keep the details of your family in mind when we respond.

    Obviously, to work or not to work is a very individual decision. In my situation, I have three very challenging children who go to a lot of doctors appointments and need a lot of attention after school. So I have chosen to be home with them. But while they're at school I try to do things that are fulfilling to me -- like go to the gym, meet a friend for coffee or just read a good book. Some parents find work fulfilling in the same way. It's important to nurture yourself so you can be there for your children.

    Again, welcome.
     
  3. lillians

    lillians lillians

    what if,, 2 days a week working,, make a deal in exchange for cooperation there will be more specials,, or a goodie box that yu will be able to fill,,our 16 yr old still gets hooked on a goodie box,, but mostly the one at school,, does his class have one,, our daughter did dishes every nite for a few months with the enticement of a prize,, we even sent prizes to put in it,, then she really tried for the prize as she felt ownership,,, chin up,, i wish i had an answer,
     
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