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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 695040" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Ugh. Today I ran into a gal I know that works for the victim advocacy in the prosecutors office. She was at court when Rain was there testifying against the lowlife that beat her. "How is your daughter?" she asked, "Is she safe?"</p><p>I replied "I do not know."</p><p>The look on her face was.......well......how do I put this.....stunned....aghast....?</p><p>I could <em>see the tape running</em>.......how can you not help your child?</p><p>I don't know if she has been exposed in her own personal life to the chaos and degradation of addiction, the danger of having actively addicted adult children at home, the agony and years of desperately trying to find a solution, that lead up to the realization that helping does not help until <em>an adult child wants to choose differently.</em></p><p></p><p>Me too, I am sorry Albie, all of this is just so friggin frustrating. If I don't end up in the gauldurn looney bin it it will be a miracle. I just want to shake both of my two, shouting "Wake up! Wake up for God's sake wake up and do something positive for yourself!</p><p>Again, me too. I am not the one. It's been 20 years for me with Rain. Most times, it has ended up with her blaming it all on me. If I am that bad, I am certainly not the one to help.</p><p> Before, and before and before. It is pretty calculating and premeditated really, when you think of it. They know just how to get our heads spinning, just enough to keep us in that place, see sawing between standing strong, fearing that our stance will lead to........the worst case scenario. It is a crazy making game.</p><p>I don't want to be a pawn. We are really victims in this, too. Targets. UGH.</p><p> I am at the point where I think it is <em>very reasonable.</em> I am worn out. Clean and sober and self supporting for a year. Yes.</p><p></p><p> Me too, Albie. In a lost place. It is bizarre how this whole journey just puts us on a parallel emotional course with our d cs. One episode to the next, we are synchronistically dancing to this macabre music trying our best to keep from tripping and falling. Trying to keep our heads above water and work, live, carry on, all the while the damn music keeps playing.......softly in the distance when there is no contact, blaring when contact or news jars us back to the cold hard reality that our d cs are out there going from one high and crazy chapter to the next.</p><p>I am so so tired of the dance.</p><p>I am sorry Albie, for the lost feeling and intense ache of this. It is a hard place to be. I am sending big big hugs and wishes for us both to find the strength. It is because we have absolutely no control over any of it.</p><p>None. Zip. Zilch.</p><p>And so, we must find the extraordinary courage that it takes for warrior sisters as we are, to take in a deep breath and begin again to build. To find our way out of the lost place, despite what our d cs are doing.</p><p>We are worth it.</p><p>By living our lives out of the chasm, this void, this pit, we are examples to our d cs that they are worth it too. That they can climb up and out.</p><p>That we will not be dragged down in there with them, is the best way to show them, that they are worth it. We are battling not only for ourselves, but for them, too. Every time we say by our words and our actions that we will not put up with the nonsense, we are showing them that these choices are unacceptable. That they have potential and purpose.</p><p>You got this Albie.</p><p>You will be okay.</p><p>And so will I.</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 695040, member: 19522"] Ugh. Today I ran into a gal I know that works for the victim advocacy in the prosecutors office. She was at court when Rain was there testifying against the lowlife that beat her. "How is your daughter?" she asked, "Is she safe?" I replied "I do not know." The look on her face was.......well......how do I put this.....stunned....aghast....? I could [I]see the tape running[/I].......how can you not help your child? I don't know if she has been exposed in her own personal life to the chaos and degradation of addiction, the danger of having actively addicted adult children at home, the agony and years of desperately trying to find a solution, that lead up to the realization that helping does not help until [I]an adult child wants to choose differently.[/I] Me too, I am sorry Albie, all of this is just so friggin frustrating. If I don't end up in the gauldurn looney bin it it will be a miracle. I just want to shake both of my two, shouting "Wake up! Wake up for God's sake wake up and do something positive for yourself! Again, me too. I am not the one. It's been 20 years for me with Rain. Most times, it has ended up with her blaming it all on me. If I am that bad, I am certainly not the one to help. Before, and before and before. It is pretty calculating and premeditated really, when you think of it. They know just how to get our heads spinning, just enough to keep us in that place, see sawing between standing strong, fearing that our stance will lead to........the worst case scenario. It is a crazy making game. I don't want to be a pawn. We are really victims in this, too. Targets. UGH. I am at the point where I think it is [I]very reasonable.[/I] I am worn out. Clean and sober and self supporting for a year. Yes. Me too, Albie. In a lost place. It is bizarre how this whole journey just puts us on a parallel emotional course with our d cs. One episode to the next, we are synchronistically dancing to this macabre music trying our best to keep from tripping and falling. Trying to keep our heads above water and work, live, carry on, all the while the damn music keeps playing.......softly in the distance when there is no contact, blaring when contact or news jars us back to the cold hard reality that our d cs are out there going from one high and crazy chapter to the next. I am so so tired of the dance. I am sorry Albie, for the lost feeling and intense ache of this. It is a hard place to be. I am sending big big hugs and wishes for us both to find the strength. It is because we have absolutely no control over any of it. None. Zip. Zilch. And so, we must find the extraordinary courage that it takes for warrior sisters as we are, to take in a deep breath and begin again to build. To find our way out of the lost place, despite what our d cs are doing. We are worth it. By living our lives out of the chasm, this void, this pit, we are examples to our d cs that they are worth it too. That they can climb up and out. That we will not be dragged down in there with them, is the best way to show them, that they are worth it. We are battling not only for ourselves, but for them, too. Every time we say by our words and our actions that we will not put up with the nonsense, we are showing them that these choices are unacceptable. That they have potential and purpose. You got this Albie. You will be okay. And so will I. (((HUGS))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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