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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 695050" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Oh Alb...big hugs for you and your husband. What a life we lead here. </p><p></p><p>I agree 100 percent and have been right here. </p><p></p><p>I have had so many interactions with compassionate law enforcement people where I stood/sat and sobbed while they tried to deal with Difficult Child, often putting him in handcuffs right there and putting him in the patrol car.</p><p></p><p>They understand. They have seen it all and get the horrible situation we are in. It sounds like this guy is a good guy, and if he gives Difficult Child a night, then good. So be it. </p><p></p><p>I so agree that it's not going to be us, at this point, who extends the hand that truly helps them more forward. Like you said, if it was to be, through us, it would have been already.</p><p></p><p>Regarding the FB, Difficult Child, when he had nothing, would message me via FB. He would borrow someone's phone or computer or go to the library and use theirs (until he got kicked out of there too, finally)...that is the best thing about FB, providing that conduit, I think.</p><p></p><p>Bless your sweet husband for each and every one of his honest answers to that police officer. I pray so fervently right now that your son reaches yet another intersection in his life where he has a clear choice to go in one direction or another...and he takes the path of change. </p><p></p><p>I am right now talking with a longtime friend who is in an awful (very fast) marriage to an out of control alcoholic. Her kids and his kids are witnessing all of the rage and abuse and out of control behavior by him, with the alcohol...and by her...with her denial and crazy thinking that she can save him/fix him/butsheloveshim/he'ssonicewhenhe'snotdrinking...on and on and on. </p><p></p><p>I have suggested that she go to Al-Anon but she doesn't and she hasn't and that's okay. Her choice. The only thing keeping her moving slowly in a straight line away from him is the idea that she is going to lose her own kids if she keeps them around him.</p><p></p><p>Alcohol and drugs and addiction is so harmful. So awful. So brutal to all involved. People don't get the insidiousness of the disease, the stinking thinking and behavior that is truly the bigger issue than the alcohol itself. The grandiosity, the denial, the love affair with the alcohol. "But I love him..." well Okay, but he can't love you. His #1 is the alcohol and believe me, you don't rank anywhere near that, and never will as long as he is drinking.</p><p></p><p>I have heard many women in Al-Anon talk about being able to live with active alcoholism because of their commitment to working the Al-Anon principles. I could never get to that point. Once I realized that although my ex-husband had quit drinking (for more than a year) but nothing had changed in his thinking and behavior...I had nothing left. AFter years and years and years...I just couldn't do it anymore. </p><p></p><p>It's so sad and so tragic. Your son is younger. I hope and pray so very much that he hits a bottom here and can stop drinking and start living and get healthy in his mind and body and spirit. </p><p></p><p>You are doing the right thing, in my humble opinion. He has to want to stop. And then he has to do the work to stop. He is not a bad person. He is a sick person. </p><p></p><p>I am sitting here empathizing so very much. It brings my whole story back up to me. </p><p></p><p>The warmest of hugs this morning. Hang in there, Alb.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 695050, member: 17542"] Oh Alb...big hugs for you and your husband. What a life we lead here. I agree 100 percent and have been right here. I have had so many interactions with compassionate law enforcement people where I stood/sat and sobbed while they tried to deal with Difficult Child, often putting him in handcuffs right there and putting him in the patrol car. They understand. They have seen it all and get the horrible situation we are in. It sounds like this guy is a good guy, and if he gives Difficult Child a night, then good. So be it. I so agree that it's not going to be us, at this point, who extends the hand that truly helps them more forward. Like you said, if it was to be, through us, it would have been already. Regarding the FB, Difficult Child, when he had nothing, would message me via FB. He would borrow someone's phone or computer or go to the library and use theirs (until he got kicked out of there too, finally)...that is the best thing about FB, providing that conduit, I think. Bless your sweet husband for each and every one of his honest answers to that police officer. I pray so fervently right now that your son reaches yet another intersection in his life where he has a clear choice to go in one direction or another...and he takes the path of change. I am right now talking with a longtime friend who is in an awful (very fast) marriage to an out of control alcoholic. Her kids and his kids are witnessing all of the rage and abuse and out of control behavior by him, with the alcohol...and by her...with her denial and crazy thinking that she can save him/fix him/butsheloveshim/he'ssonicewhenhe'snotdrinking...on and on and on. I have suggested that she go to Al-Anon but she doesn't and she hasn't and that's okay. Her choice. The only thing keeping her moving slowly in a straight line away from him is the idea that she is going to lose her own kids if she keeps them around him. Alcohol and drugs and addiction is so harmful. So awful. So brutal to all involved. People don't get the insidiousness of the disease, the stinking thinking and behavior that is truly the bigger issue than the alcohol itself. The grandiosity, the denial, the love affair with the alcohol. "But I love him..." well Okay, but he can't love you. His #1 is the alcohol and believe me, you don't rank anywhere near that, and never will as long as he is drinking. I have heard many women in Al-Anon talk about being able to live with active alcoholism because of their commitment to working the Al-Anon principles. I could never get to that point. Once I realized that although my ex-husband had quit drinking (for more than a year) but nothing had changed in his thinking and behavior...I had nothing left. AFter years and years and years...I just couldn't do it anymore. It's so sad and so tragic. Your son is younger. I hope and pray so very much that he hits a bottom here and can stop drinking and start living and get healthy in his mind and body and spirit. You are doing the right thing, in my humble opinion. He has to want to stop. And then he has to do the work to stop. He is not a bad person. He is a sick person. I am sitting here empathizing so very much. It brings my whole story back up to me. The warmest of hugs this morning. Hang in there, Alb. [/QUOTE]
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