Advocate lost her cool.....

[buddy]

I'm waiting for q in therapy and will tell more later but the crazy thing is he is doing better than ever in all areas...does his work etc. But he is highly sensory seeking and doing what he always does including smashing his body into walls. (Or today once told by the teacher we were having an IEP meeting ...which we never do for just this reason, he threw his body through a wall. )

There's a bunch of double speak about that's why they built removable walls because they knew this happens with these guys and then complaints when they are broken. Oh my word. Their solution is for him to be in school with isolated cinder block rooms because they are safer for a kid who bashes into things? Ugggggg

 

[tiredmommy]

So, they triggered the behavior, knowing it is a trigger, then were upset by the behavior.

Who is the difficult child here? Q behaved exactly as predicted (though not "appropriately"). Did they forget he is a difficult child and thought they could throw out his IEP and BIP simply due to his recent improvements? Jeez Louise!

 

[TeDo]

Glad he's doing better but oh, man, they just DO NOT GET IT! Was the old director there? Please do tell all. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall. LOL

 

[buddy]

Pretty much.

They started out with strengths .....now as much as many of you know of Q here is what they said :
He is getting all his work done in general (all periodic reviews in the past year have said zero progress ) he is.connecting much better not only with adults but peers too. He has a job going thru the building to double check attendance for bussing and even the primcipal said he does great. He even does lunch well most days ....lunch!

Then they are afraid for his safety because he seeks deep pressure and lately that is throwing his body into walls etc. Of course I have seen that but say nothing because I know him and it would increase so it's rare now.....they say they tell him it's not safe blah blah so it I'm sure now serves a function of gaining him interaction. His number one desire.

Well the legal advocate just called and apologized. She said she hasn't been that mad in years and can't believe she ripped on them but she said she actually held back.

She reviewed the number of contradictions, yikes. Anyway we are going to request a resumption of the iee that we started long ago and she said our district won't deny payment because he has ma so it will be billed thru them anyway. I reminded them of the fm system and the ave unit and the swing and they were going to try the dog and none of it has been used. Bottom line, I fear we are stuck with a very limited teacher this year so when he uses the same two verbal strategies over and over and none of the 25 other things listed in the working document we worked so hard to develop I feel we are screwed.

At what point do I not take the risk and end the madness. Home schooling would be awful for me but at least it won't destroy whatever future he might have. I can easily think of how to do it....he only has math reading and social studies which I have mostly taught him anyway ( they say he loves social studies and it's amazing how much he knows and the insightful questions he asks. I said not so amazing, afterall I'm his mom! I still can't believe I said that but I feel like they said some really belittling things (like if I was his mom I'd be concerned. .....wtf? I said obviously I am concerned but I focus my energy on reducing behaviors and helping what I can. I know he could hurt himself but I've lived this with him a long time. He has never hurt himself. If he does, well I guess we fix it. But short of a padded room or shackles for what amounts to about 5% of his day I just have to not get wigged out over it. )

I have little hope anything positive will come from this. They want him gone so he's gonna be gone. He will be devastated and we will be back to square one. I'm not sure what either of us did in a past life to deserve this but.........

 

[buddy]

Tedo yea the old program director /Quin's teacher was there. I.kept being told his behavior changed in this building ..
The building is not good for him. So when asked if this was a change he basically said...and he works for them....yes. A change for the better. He is not sleeping half the day he is doing his work and he is engaging with people appropriately. He always had these behaviors and they always had two staff in the halls and he had lunch brought to him. Hmmmm so much for the building being the problem.

It's all just so sad.

 

[TeDo]

I am so sorry. It sounds like you are where difficult child 1 & I were. When they (SD) set their mind to something, they find a way to make sure it happens. It's awful and unfair and cruel ..... and ....... and...... but what else can we do. Personally, I don't think homeschooling is really going to work for either of you. He's not going to cooperate for you anywhere near as much as he does for others. He's not going to be able to differenciate between home and school so it is going to confuse him even more. For Q, home is HOME. School is not at home. I'm afraid it could open a whole 'nother can of worms. I worry even more about what will happen to you. You're nerves get frayed by him more now that he has become more aggressive with you. I fear for your emotional and physical well-being. I REALLY hope C stays involved and I'm "happy as a clam" that she lost it with them. I'm glad someone called them on their BS. It needed to be said (If my imagination is even close to what really happened).

{{{{)))HUGS)))}}}} to both of you.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Buddy, you need to step back a bit, take a breather, get your feet back under you.
Review this with your team.

Maybe it's time to get creative?
Not in terms of home-schooling - I don't think that's the right answer either. But... go political? or media? Q is a good poster child for all the things that are wrong in school systems....... BUT - you don't have the energy to run the frontlines.
UGH

 

[Malika]

Buddy, I'm missing some of this story, I'm sorry. I understand from what you say that the present school want Q to leave, is that right? I am so sorry to hear this and you must of course fight it with all the weapons you can. I understand that you are probably so fed up with having to fight battle after battle... It seems so inadequate but please know that you have my sympathy and support, from afar.

 

[InsaneCdn]

The more I think about this, the more there HAS to be more to the story.
As in... you are not the only one with issues with this teacher, it just feels that way.
This kind of attitude will never apply to just one targetted kid - but this kind of teacher will target one at a time, to get rid of anyone that isn't "easy" to work with.

Is there some form of home and school association? Or other ways of meeting with the other parents to discuss this teacher and their experiences? If there's more than just Q that she can't work with, then the teacher is in the wrong job. If the main problem is the director... there will be more ugly situations than just with this teacher.

 

[buddy]

The teacher is a problem only in that he is limited and not really able to pull much off. There are only three kids in the class and one is only there part time.
Yes there's tons more. As I said a while ago I was nervous even before school started. The advocate called me and said the director of the school had called and was worried q might do damage to the pretty new school. He had not stepped foot in the school yet. Then the teacher called me the week before school saying the same. Now they are trying to say its because they are concerned for his safety. To not seem like such jerks I suppose. No the building is just sheet rock and the walls were meant to be replaced but what if it falls on his head? Then the principal comes back and had missed that cover up and said well we are close to thousands of dollars now. He has (not.the only kid doing this by the way but leave it to q to do the most ) put holes in two walls. He has pulled down holiday decorations ( mom there was a bunch of old corn sitting around, sigh) etc. Yes. It IS about the building. Then she implies they bent rules to have q in this program in the first place since it is a program for fetal alcohol (I think they didn't believe me to be honest ) and now they see it is autism and brain injury. Even the nasty Occupational Therapist (OT) says well even if we did deep pressure he'd never get filled up. And she wont let anyone spin him in a swing with his seizures etc. He's been spun since he was.little. doesn't get dizzy and only has improved slightly because of Occupational Therapist (OT). Makes me crazy. She basically decided from not working with him that nothing would help anyway. Oh and of all the oral sensory options he is given a stick of gum
Ummm....I.said ok, nice reward but not a sensory intervention. He needs lots of gum. Or ice to chew (which had been a regular thing before this school ) and oh we could maybe find some...like it wasnt listed on his plan. Uggg.

By the end the advocate had yelled at them saying that all these new programs bring in money and.the kids this was designed to serve...the ones with no options are screwed because the teachers need to walk the babies in the halls of this huge three story building ....I ask if they can be told not to use the whole darn building at certain times ....oh they're probably napping then anyway ....huh? Why is this being brought up? In this new building the old programs he started with plus an alternative learning center (expelled kids ) and the pregnant and teen mom program plus their tots were put in.

Nice mix huh? .They freely said they already have gotten rid of two plus one before school for the same reasons.

To.make it worse he is a high risk for needing restraint in their minds
The original director hated restraint and said that it was Contra indicated and did a show of force (affectionately called a goon squad ).of.guys q respects and are huge. It worked. They got mats and put them around him or they went around him and he walked to places to calm.

The law advocates boss is totally against restraint. Wrote a letter to all the districts who had high incidents based on a report from the state ed dept. Since this district. Has high numbers of autistic and ebd kids who can be aggressive obviously on the list. The last urgent call to the advocate was the day after they got the letter. The advocate told her boss that I'm likely going to.be a fall out victim because they are scared of his threatened law suit. Putting him in isolation means they wouldn't need to consider restraint and they'd be off the hook.

As usual this has little to do with the child who is actually making progress and is a huge challenge behaviorally so needs more help. Its about $.

 

[buddy]

And I doubt the media would be sympathetic to a kid who yells loudly even when babies are involved and actually does damage property the tax payers paid for.

 

[SuZir]

Oh, I'm so sorry buddy! It must be awful that Q it actually making progress and they just want to take that chance away from him. i have absolutely no words of wisdom to this or any ideas, what could help, but I just wanted to express my sympathises. I just so much hope it would work out for you and Q.

 

[susiestar]

(((((hugs)))))

I am so glad you have a law advocate, and I HATE when they put a building or other thing in front of a child's needs.

 

[pasajes4]

I understand your frustration. I hate that Q is being targeted in such a horrific manner. I always wonder if our kids conditions are made worse by the very programs that are "supposed" to help them. You have my heart felt support.

 

[buddy]

Well, q saw (through the windows to every room that are floor to ceiling ....another what were they thinking design flaw ) that the meeting room was full of the issues written on the white board wall directly across. He asked and I told him he was right and told him the changes and rules and if it didn't work here we're a team and I'd figure something out. He actually gave me a normal hug before he left all on his own and let me kiss him and tell him I loved him ....he made no nonsense remarks after. I had also told him I was super proud of how great he has been doing on his work. He didn't get mad at that.

It all stinks. But I feel amazingly not very emotional. As usual when things are super stressful I just push thru. I'm sure my crash is coming.

I.know I can fight and they may even give lip service to following a behavior program. But if they want him gone, well just as last year, I have to wonder if I'm prolonging the agony and they will create a climate for a crisis situation. Should I just give in?

 

[pasajes4]

You will have to weigh out all the factors and a big one for me would be how this will effect Q and you. I know first hand the negative atmosphere affected my own kiddo. I also know that some teachers and adminstrators will set up a kid so that they can say " I told you so". It is difficult to be sure. For me it just was'nt worth it. Mine is home now and in that regard things are much better emotinally for the both of us. My hair is not falling out and the constant knots in my stomach are gone. My advocate and my family feel that I have let them win. I just could not see anything positive in letting it go on.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Buddy... you can't "leave" until you know what you are going TO. Being in limbo doesn't work.

 

[buddy]

We already have things like social group and two horse ranches and new a new Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) worker with more time. We will resume the dog therapy but with our dog and privately after the first. I can add special needs swimming and the district would have to provide speech and Occupational Therapist (OT) still. I am not impulsive at all but I am weighing the lesser of evils here. He will NOT be hurt again and again. We emphasized over and over that no matter the building, no matter the kids, there was going to be some kind of issue everywhere. Who is going to step up and help. I told them that sure we could be out of their hair but they could never appreciate the impact of a move on him and I guarantee I'd be at the table a month after a move hearing the same things with different staff who had this kid shoved on them. And all along q would be losing another year of school. So if he's losing that anyway then why go through the other damaging parts? That's what I have to consider. We were finally settling in during the end of summer. The summer before was amazing. So, if I have to I will. I will keep options open but have to have a serious backup plan.

 

[Malika]

How do you see the future, Buddy? Q is coming up to young adulthood; I know you've spoken in the past about the possibility of living a semi-independent life in residential apartments (if I've understood correctly) - will opting out of educational provision at this stage in some way jeopardise that? I'm sure you do, but I feel you have to start taking a long term view also. You are a great woman.

 

[buddy]

That would have no bearing on it. Even if home schooled the district is responsible for special education services. He is never going to (has never ) tested even near grade level inc. Testing below special needs standards on alternate testing for math. He meets them for reading because I taught him and used his high interests with internet reading. But that is special needs data.

I suspect any group home would be the same issues as schools thats why he'll need an individually planned situation. At age 16 the dept of voc rehab will work with us and that is in Jan. Im going to check out the options. As I said I'm not impulsive but am on guard and weighing all options.