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Afraid I'm looking at a long road ahead . . .
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 608795" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there and welcome, although sorry you had to be here.</p><p></p><p>The fact that his birthmother took stimulants while pregnant is very significant. I also adopted a child who had drugs in his system at birth. It affects the developing brain of the fetus and can cause all sorts of behavioral and developmental issues. I assume she also drank while pregnant. Most birthmothers who don't say "no" to speed and cocaine do not abstain from drinking alcohol either. He probably has issues due to the drug and probable alcohol abuse and that is not so easily treated and may not go away, but can get better with interventions and a person who specialises in kids who have been exposed to substances in utero. Personally, I feel the educators have no clue. That isn't their training. I wouldn't pay attention to their diagnoses or opinions. I would take him first off to a neuropsychologist who will test from 6-10 hours and not do so much guessing. Our adopted kids, who were abused even before birth, are different from somebody else's biological child who was not exposed to bad substances as their brains developed. Your son is so young that any diagnoses could be wrong and any ruled out diagnoses could actually be the diagnosis. We went thru this. Or he could have fetal alcohol affects, which mimics ADHD. These kids are very hyper.</p><p></p><p>Do you have any history (psychiatric/neurological) on the biological parents? DNA walks with them. As the mom of three adopted kids, you will probably find that they are more like their bio. parents than you, no matter how you raise them, and that they have many inborn traits that you have to learn to embrace. I have heard over and over from adoptive parents who have met their children's birthparents, "I can't believe how much he/she is like his mother/father. He even uses WORDS in the same way as her/him." </p><p></p><p>It is often a difficult road to diagnose adn treat an adopted child who came from a less-than-wholesome background. I had to really keep at it to get to the core issues of my son. It turns out he is on the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) spectrum. It is common for drugs in utero to trigger forms of autism, even if the children seem bright and sociable. They tend not to be able to perform in school the way we expect them to. They may try to socialize but don't intrinsically understand how to do t his. For example, the child may pop into a strange child's face a nd start nonstop talking in a loud voice, startling the chld, or be unwilling to share and then cry when the child leaves. These social skills need to be taught like a regular topic, such as history, as the kids don't "get it" nor learn by watching. They are wired differently, in part due to birthmother's irresponsible behavior.</p><p></p><p>To me it sounds like you have a child who is a "normal" for one who has been exposed to drugs in utero. They tend to be hyper, unable to conentrate, have learning differences, show signs of both ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and often also show VERY erratic emotional liability. They have a lot of trouble controlling their emotions due to their executive functioning skills being compromised. But you won't know your own child's particular issues, or the best way to help him, until you go to a neuropsychologist (best option if you live in the US) and have him comprehensively tested. School testing is not comprehensive enough or done by the right diagnosticians. Pediatricians...this is truly out of their field. They do stuffy noses and other childhood illnesses that you can see, not the invisible childhood disorders that require much more testing. Talk therapists and popular parenting methods don't work with our differently wired children.</p><p></p><p>They do not outgrow this. They can get better with interventions, often done for free at school. Some need medication to be able to STAY in school. in my opinion though I'd stay away from ADHD stimulants for this child who already had stimulants poured into his body. </p><p></p><p>It was as long, tiring road to solve the puzzle of my child, but it was worth it. Today he is 20 and happy and living a good life. He isn't a college grad and this may not be what we wanted the most for him, but he is loved by all, has no temper outbursts (yes, they can continue into adulthood) and is a very hardworker and extremely sweet. </p><p></p><p>There is no such thing as "all boy." All boys are different. Most do not throw chairs and hurt other kids. My son did before we got him interventions and yours is doing it too. Since he is young, this is the time to take a lot of action outside of just your own house. These kids need a village.</p><p></p><p>Hope this helped.</p><p></p><p>Glad to have you joining us <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 608795, member: 1550"] Hi there and welcome, although sorry you had to be here. The fact that his birthmother took stimulants while pregnant is very significant. I also adopted a child who had drugs in his system at birth. It affects the developing brain of the fetus and can cause all sorts of behavioral and developmental issues. I assume she also drank while pregnant. Most birthmothers who don't say "no" to speed and cocaine do not abstain from drinking alcohol either. He probably has issues due to the drug and probable alcohol abuse and that is not so easily treated and may not go away, but can get better with interventions and a person who specialises in kids who have been exposed to substances in utero. Personally, I feel the educators have no clue. That isn't their training. I wouldn't pay attention to their diagnoses or opinions. I would take him first off to a neuropsychologist who will test from 6-10 hours and not do so much guessing. Our adopted kids, who were abused even before birth, are different from somebody else's biological child who was not exposed to bad substances as their brains developed. Your son is so young that any diagnoses could be wrong and any ruled out diagnoses could actually be the diagnosis. We went thru this. Or he could have fetal alcohol affects, which mimics ADHD. These kids are very hyper. Do you have any history (psychiatric/neurological) on the biological parents? DNA walks with them. As the mom of three adopted kids, you will probably find that they are more like their bio. parents than you, no matter how you raise them, and that they have many inborn traits that you have to learn to embrace. I have heard over and over from adoptive parents who have met their children's birthparents, "I can't believe how much he/she is like his mother/father. He even uses WORDS in the same way as her/him." It is often a difficult road to diagnose adn treat an adopted child who came from a less-than-wholesome background. I had to really keep at it to get to the core issues of my son. It turns out he is on the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) spectrum. It is common for drugs in utero to trigger forms of autism, even if the children seem bright and sociable. They tend not to be able to perform in school the way we expect them to. They may try to socialize but don't intrinsically understand how to do t his. For example, the child may pop into a strange child's face a nd start nonstop talking in a loud voice, startling the chld, or be unwilling to share and then cry when the child leaves. These social skills need to be taught like a regular topic, such as history, as the kids don't "get it" nor learn by watching. They are wired differently, in part due to birthmother's irresponsible behavior. To me it sounds like you have a child who is a "normal" for one who has been exposed to drugs in utero. They tend to be hyper, unable to conentrate, have learning differences, show signs of both ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and often also show VERY erratic emotional liability. They have a lot of trouble controlling their emotions due to their executive functioning skills being compromised. But you won't know your own child's particular issues, or the best way to help him, until you go to a neuropsychologist (best option if you live in the US) and have him comprehensively tested. School testing is not comprehensive enough or done by the right diagnosticians. Pediatricians...this is truly out of their field. They do stuffy noses and other childhood illnesses that you can see, not the invisible childhood disorders that require much more testing. Talk therapists and popular parenting methods don't work with our differently wired children. They do not outgrow this. They can get better with interventions, often done for free at school. Some need medication to be able to STAY in school. in my opinion though I'd stay away from ADHD stimulants for this child who already had stimulants poured into his body. It was as long, tiring road to solve the puzzle of my child, but it was worth it. Today he is 20 and happy and living a good life. He isn't a college grad and this may not be what we wanted the most for him, but he is loved by all, has no temper outbursts (yes, they can continue into adulthood) and is a very hardworker and extremely sweet. There is no such thing as "all boy." All boys are different. Most do not throw chairs and hurt other kids. My son did before we got him interventions and yours is doing it too. Since he is young, this is the time to take a lot of action outside of just your own house. These kids need a village. Hope this helped. Glad to have you joining us :) [/QUOTE]
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