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Afraid of Losing My Family
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 508921" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>Kids/people will try to self medicate... (and he may not want to take the rx medications because he is afraid of interactions) A child I took care of from 6-13 killed himself because he was encouraged to stop his medications due to being in college and not a kid anymore who needed that kind of thing....dont mean that to sound like it is their fault, given the info they had at that time they really thought he could do it. He was not honest about how hard it was for him. He self medicated (worked with my little sister and told her that...using pot and other things, he was so ashamed) and he got so hopeless over his choices etc. he shot himself. I am not saying this to say your kid would do that, but because on the surface you would NEVER have known. Kid was athletic, struggled A LOT to keep his grades up but DID IT and he had a wonderful family like you... they really cared and would never have given up.</p><p></p><p>For an evaluation, if you can find a neuropsychologist to assess you might get a more helpful idea if there are any issues that can be contributing.. a social worker or psychiatric or psychiatrist will stick with only the current symptoms most likely (yes there are some who do better but in general) they will be able to say if there is ODD etc.. but also if there are issues like a subtle learning disability or suggest some other things including mood disorder.</p><p></p><p>I would also do a chemical abuse evaluation...he may not be honest but do not tell him when and make sure it includes a drug test that he is not prepared for.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry you are going through such troubling issues. I feel for your difficult child and yes, I am sure it is hard to read if someone has reached a point when they had to detatch......</p><p></p><p>I have been here only since last Sept-ish and I read most of the posts if I can... even the SA area because many of those people have supported me so much...and while I am not parenting a child with SA I have experienced it to a degree in my circle of friends/family.</p><p></p><p>I have never really heard a parent here just give up. I think it is as you said...after giving their ALL and then some... they finally have to decide that the child must take some ownership. Some realize that their bailing the child out has resulted in their expecting that they never have to solve their own problems. Many other reasons too..... Each situation is so different and each kid needs different parenting and methods. For now that is not where you are so I doubt anyone would say to give up... cut him lose.....but they may have some suggestions that seem really hard to wrap your head around. Just take what feels right and then file the rest away in case you do get to that point sometime.</p><p></p><p>What people here DO SAY is to follow your mommy heart/gut. You are saying you want to do whatever you can. Now, the question is... the things you are doing... are they helping or contributing to any issues. We all have to look at that no matter the condition or diagnosis... I have had to do that every day/week lately!</p><p></p><p>You are looking for further information, you are seeking support, you love him and you will get through this somehow! When you say your family is suffering it makes me so sad for you. That is one reason many decide on some more drastic interventions...when the rest of the family is going to be lost and the difficult child is not doing anything to get better... what to do??? Many here will have ideas.</p><p></p><p>So, glad you are here... that you took the time to share and I really hope you find this group to be the kind support that I have found it to be. Sending hugs and a shoulder to lean on.... Dee</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 508921, member: 12886"] Kids/people will try to self medicate... (and he may not want to take the rx medications because he is afraid of interactions) A child I took care of from 6-13 killed himself because he was encouraged to stop his medications due to being in college and not a kid anymore who needed that kind of thing....dont mean that to sound like it is their fault, given the info they had at that time they really thought he could do it. He was not honest about how hard it was for him. He self medicated (worked with my little sister and told her that...using pot and other things, he was so ashamed) and he got so hopeless over his choices etc. he shot himself. I am not saying this to say your kid would do that, but because on the surface you would NEVER have known. Kid was athletic, struggled A LOT to keep his grades up but DID IT and he had a wonderful family like you... they really cared and would never have given up. For an evaluation, if you can find a neuropsychologist to assess you might get a more helpful idea if there are any issues that can be contributing.. a social worker or psychiatric or psychiatrist will stick with only the current symptoms most likely (yes there are some who do better but in general) they will be able to say if there is ODD etc.. but also if there are issues like a subtle learning disability or suggest some other things including mood disorder. I would also do a chemical abuse evaluation...he may not be honest but do not tell him when and make sure it includes a drug test that he is not prepared for. I am so sorry you are going through such troubling issues. I feel for your difficult child and yes, I am sure it is hard to read if someone has reached a point when they had to detatch...... I have been here only since last Sept-ish and I read most of the posts if I can... even the SA area because many of those people have supported me so much...and while I am not parenting a child with SA I have experienced it to a degree in my circle of friends/family. I have never really heard a parent here just give up. I think it is as you said...after giving their ALL and then some... they finally have to decide that the child must take some ownership. Some realize that their bailing the child out has resulted in their expecting that they never have to solve their own problems. Many other reasons too..... Each situation is so different and each kid needs different parenting and methods. For now that is not where you are so I doubt anyone would say to give up... cut him lose.....but they may have some suggestions that seem really hard to wrap your head around. Just take what feels right and then file the rest away in case you do get to that point sometime. What people here DO SAY is to follow your mommy heart/gut. You are saying you want to do whatever you can. Now, the question is... the things you are doing... are they helping or contributing to any issues. We all have to look at that no matter the condition or diagnosis... I have had to do that every day/week lately! You are looking for further information, you are seeking support, you love him and you will get through this somehow! When you say your family is suffering it makes me so sad for you. That is one reason many decide on some more drastic interventions...when the rest of the family is going to be lost and the difficult child is not doing anything to get better... what to do??? Many here will have ideas. So, glad you are here... that you took the time to share and I really hope you find this group to be the kind support that I have found it to be. Sending hugs and a shoulder to lean on.... Dee [/QUOTE]
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