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Parent Emeritus
After 9 months a call from difficult child 1 from psychiatric hospital.
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 627787" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Tish, welcome and I am glad you found this forum. It has truly helped me so very much in the past six months since I have been here, writing and reading and working hard to change myself. </p><p></p><p>I think you have to make a plan about help. Having a plan helps us not to react in the moment when the requests are coming at us fast and furious and we get confused and upset and scared. </p><p></p><p>Also, buying time. When the requests start pouring in, say, I'll have to think about that. I'll let you know later.</p><p></p><p>Also, it has helped me to make a list of area resources and give them to him. It's for me that i do this, because I know that shelter and programs he goes to also provide lists of resources. I have found them in his belongings before. </p><p></p><p>It helps me to know that help is available. It shows me that I don't have to be the source of help. I can detach with love and let go of him.</p><p></p><p>I also believe we have to live with ourselves. Sometimes I think about what I would do for a complete stranger. And I ask myself, wouldn't I do even this for my own son? But because I love my son, and I know so well his story and his history, I also know that whenever I do something for him that he can/should do for himself, I am setting him back. I am getting in the way of his true bottom that he MUST reach in order to be so sick and tired that he wants, really, really wants, to change. And so it is because I love him, and today I love myself as much I love him (through hard work on me, I have learned to love myself) that I say no over and over and over again.</p><p></p><p>It costs me to say No so many times to someone I love and so now, in order to help myself, I limit my time and connection with him. I don't want to completely cut off our communication (at least not yet) but I limit the time. I let phone calls go to voice mail, I don't allow him to come here without an invitation, I am not available to meet unless I have decided this is what I want to do ahead of time, etc. </p><p></p><p>It is a step by step, inch by inch process. A journey. I have learned the hard way and over time. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Great, right now you can't get enough good thinking inside of you. Soak it in. Write it down. Meditate on it. Read. Start thinking about yourself, your life, your peace, your joy. Start putting yourself at least at the same place you put your son, and start making decisions that allow you to take better care of yourself. Regardless. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Great commitment! I love this! You must have a source and a place of calm and peace. You must protect that. </p><p></p><p>Blessings and joy and peace I wish you today. Please do something nice for YOU today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 627787, member: 17542"] Tish, welcome and I am glad you found this forum. It has truly helped me so very much in the past six months since I have been here, writing and reading and working hard to change myself. I think you have to make a plan about help. Having a plan helps us not to react in the moment when the requests are coming at us fast and furious and we get confused and upset and scared. Also, buying time. When the requests start pouring in, say, I'll have to think about that. I'll let you know later. Also, it has helped me to make a list of area resources and give them to him. It's for me that i do this, because I know that shelter and programs he goes to also provide lists of resources. I have found them in his belongings before. It helps me to know that help is available. It shows me that I don't have to be the source of help. I can detach with love and let go of him. I also believe we have to live with ourselves. Sometimes I think about what I would do for a complete stranger. And I ask myself, wouldn't I do even this for my own son? But because I love my son, and I know so well his story and his history, I also know that whenever I do something for him that he can/should do for himself, I am setting him back. I am getting in the way of his true bottom that he MUST reach in order to be so sick and tired that he wants, really, really wants, to change. And so it is because I love him, and today I love myself as much I love him (through hard work on me, I have learned to love myself) that I say no over and over and over again. It costs me to say No so many times to someone I love and so now, in order to help myself, I limit my time and connection with him. I don't want to completely cut off our communication (at least not yet) but I limit the time. I let phone calls go to voice mail, I don't allow him to come here without an invitation, I am not available to meet unless I have decided this is what I want to do ahead of time, etc. It is a step by step, inch by inch process. A journey. I have learned the hard way and over time. Great, right now you can't get enough good thinking inside of you. Soak it in. Write it down. Meditate on it. Read. Start thinking about yourself, your life, your peace, your joy. Start putting yourself at least at the same place you put your son, and start making decisions that allow you to take better care of yourself. Regardless. Great commitment! I love this! You must have a source and a place of calm and peace. You must protect that. Blessings and joy and peace I wish you today. Please do something nice for YOU today. [/QUOTE]
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After 9 months a call from difficult child 1 from psychiatric hospital.
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