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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 679546" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I think I know how to see the vulnerability attending real versus the perfectionism, and protection, of role. We are reparenting ourselves here, in a way. If we can understand these feelings as though we were our own best mothers, we will know how to respond. There are going to be mistakes, and that is okay. If we can stay steady state as we risk the vulnerability of coming real (like you did Copa, in choosing to converse with the relative the second time), then we will do alright. We don't have to be perfect. We can just be our same selves, our sane selves, recognizing that we have chosen vulnerable, and that it is a real risk for us. And that we have been brave, to do this.</p><p></p><p>And that anxiety is ourselves, trying to protect us from taking a risk like that again. We will be like Dolly. Okay, if the door is open.</p><p></p><p>I think that is the self talk that will help us when we feel anxiety wash through us because we have risked, and allowed ourselves to explore these new ways of unprotected-by-perfectionism ways of being present.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>So, I wanted to add that I had one of those days where I was not doing so well. I looked bad, I felt bad. So, I told myself: "Unfortunately, I look ugly." (I got that from you, Copa.) And all at once, the pressure seemed to be off. I went ahead and did what I did that day. When I got home, I found that I did not look ugly, at all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 679546, member: 17461"] I think I know how to see the vulnerability attending real versus the perfectionism, and protection, of role. We are reparenting ourselves here, in a way. If we can understand these feelings as though we were our own best mothers, we will know how to respond. There are going to be mistakes, and that is okay. If we can stay steady state as we risk the vulnerability of coming real (like you did Copa, in choosing to converse with the relative the second time), then we will do alright. We don't have to be perfect. We can just be our same selves, our sane selves, recognizing that we have chosen vulnerable, and that it is a real risk for us. And that we have been brave, to do this. And that anxiety is ourselves, trying to protect us from taking a risk like that again. We will be like Dolly. Okay, if the door is open. I think that is the self talk that will help us when we feel anxiety wash through us because we have risked, and allowed ourselves to explore these new ways of unprotected-by-perfectionism ways of being present. Cedar So, I wanted to add that I had one of those days where I was not doing so well. I looked bad, I felt bad. So, I told myself: "Unfortunately, I look ugly." (I got that from you, Copa.) And all at once, the pressure seemed to be off. I went ahead and did what I did that day. When I got home, I found that I did not look ugly, at all. [/QUOTE]
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