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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 679968" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Yes, not done. I felt sad and alone. I needed to cry a million tears.</p><p></p><p>I think it was hard on my Dad.</p><p></p><p> I could do this, Cedar, but it would have to be very late at night. </p><p></p><p> It is the latter. I could never get across what was happening to me. My folks just couldn't see it. My sibs were very good at putting up a united front. So, I would come in and go to my room and cry, I gave up telling, it didn't work. Dad, would talk with me about being stronger and I would swallow my tears, he would tease me into smiling. Then I would be sent outside again, to face my sibs. It was a vicious cycle.</p><p></p><p>That is it, I needed my Dad to protect me. Instead, I was cajoled into smiling, then sent out to the slaughter. How confusing.</p><p> It does connect. Hubs is much like my Dad, stoic, quiet.</p><p>I did talk with Hubs, and explained to him that I do have my own opinion and that just because I voice it, does not mean I am <em>opposing him</em>.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Hmmmmm, thinking on this one. Yes, it is so. But, Hubs is very different around emotion. Hard to explain, he is complicated, well aren't most men? He grew up with an extremely abusive father. It is stuffed down in there in a tangled mess.</p><p> Yes, he is lonely. The door is closed because he wants to be left alone with his t.v. He is shutting everything out. I do believe it is a combination of things. His health issues. He is depressed about our grands, the two kids. It bothers him, but he will not express it. He wanted a better life for his kids, then what he lived. His father was an addict.</p><p>There isn't a tape playing about myself here. I am concerned for his health. He has said to me that he is forgetting things. Well, heck, so am I, it is called aging. But, he is isolating. Not good. I think he is worried, and frankly so am I, that it could be beginning alzheimer's. I am slowly getting him to talk about it. It will take time. He flares up in spurts and rages. I don't know if it is blood sugar spikes. He is frustrated with his body, he doesn't have the strength he used to, or the energy. It is complicated with all of his health problems. He made an appointment last week with our doctor, to ask him "How much time do you think I have?" It is sad, Cedar. But, he has faced death a few times in the past few years. He feels a decline. This, coupled with the pain of his daughters is too much to bear.</p><p> I feel a lot of this is because of what the kids are going through. Because Hubs is so introverted already, it is hard for him to talk about it. So, I try in small steps, kinder. It is frustrating for me at times. Lonely.</p><p></p><p> I do believe we will get there, Cedar. It will take time and patience. Having Hoku back at home will help, I think.</p><p></p><p> It would be nice to have this again with Hubs. I am glad you were able to break through with husband. I will work on this, too, but simpler.</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 679968, member: 19522"] Yes, not done. I felt sad and alone. I needed to cry a million tears. I think it was hard on my Dad. I could do this, Cedar, but it would have to be very late at night. It is the latter. I could never get across what was happening to me. My folks just couldn't see it. My sibs were very good at putting up a united front. So, I would come in and go to my room and cry, I gave up telling, it didn't work. Dad, would talk with me about being stronger and I would swallow my tears, he would tease me into smiling. Then I would be sent outside again, to face my sibs. It was a vicious cycle. That is it, I needed my Dad to protect me. Instead, I was cajoled into smiling, then sent out to the slaughter. How confusing. It does connect. Hubs is much like my Dad, stoic, quiet. I did talk with Hubs, and explained to him that I do have my own opinion and that just because I voice it, does not mean I am [I]opposing him[/I]. Hmmmmm, thinking on this one. Yes, it is so. But, Hubs is very different around emotion. Hard to explain, he is complicated, well aren't most men? He grew up with an extremely abusive father. It is stuffed down in there in a tangled mess. Yes, he is lonely. The door is closed because he wants to be left alone with his t.v. He is shutting everything out. I do believe it is a combination of things. His health issues. He is depressed about our grands, the two kids. It bothers him, but he will not express it. He wanted a better life for his kids, then what he lived. His father was an addict. There isn't a tape playing about myself here. I am concerned for his health. He has said to me that he is forgetting things. Well, heck, so am I, it is called aging. But, he is isolating. Not good. I think he is worried, and frankly so am I, that it could be beginning alzheimer's. I am slowly getting him to talk about it. It will take time. He flares up in spurts and rages. I don't know if it is blood sugar spikes. He is frustrated with his body, he doesn't have the strength he used to, or the energy. It is complicated with all of his health problems. He made an appointment last week with our doctor, to ask him "How much time do you think I have?" It is sad, Cedar. But, he has faced death a few times in the past few years. He feels a decline. This, coupled with the pain of his daughters is too much to bear. I feel a lot of this is because of what the kids are going through. Because Hubs is so introverted already, it is hard for him to talk about it. So, I try in small steps, kinder. It is frustrating for me at times. Lonely. I do believe we will get there, Cedar. It will take time and patience. Having Hoku back at home will help, I think. It would be nice to have this again with Hubs. I am glad you were able to break through with husband. I will work on this, too, but simpler. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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