Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
After Narcissistic Abuse Link
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 680442" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>You see yourself with your own eyes, Cedar, not by measure of how anyone else may feel about you, or see you. You are God's child, precious in every way. Born with the promise of endless possibilities. In spite of great difficulty, you emerged from the fire, a beautiful and shining diamond.</p><p>No one, no one else has the right to label you <em>anything</em>, <em>you define yourself</em>.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>But the eyes in your head........see the world spinning round, Cedar. Remember that old Beatles song.....</p><p>They are the fools, Cedar, to not know what a treasure you are to the world. My "sensitive" label, yes, that is not the only part of me, as if I was one thing, just as you are much more than "thinking too much" how absurd.</p><p></p><p>Yes, it is sad, Cedar, but in our heart of hearts, we didn't believe, that is why we are here. If we believed, we would have been different people than what we are. I think we were and are very brave. We are climbing the mountain, seeing the world, spinning round.I think that our strength was and is a fearsome thing to them.</p><p></p><p>How odd, and sad for the child. You see, Cedar, you have eyes to see reflections in the puddles. This is what they feared all along, so they labeled you a fool. You dared step out of the box of conventionalism and family dynamics. With your child eyes. You have a gift. Instead of embracing and nurturing your gift, they felt that it condemned them, so they condemned your gift.</p><p></p><p>I believe the high anxiety is our inner child reacting. It hits us to the core and puts us on guard, it is a voice that says, be careful you are not safe here. Flight or fight. We can see...... too much. That is the problem, <em>we know</em>. The confusing part about their games is that they are our people. To be hurt in such ways by ones own family, from childhood on, then to come to an age of understanding, opening up our own eyes. Eyes wide open. Wide open to everything. Questioning.</p><p></p><p>I am thinking on this, to be <em>myself </em>truly raises sisters hackles. How odd to write that.</p><p>So, what then, to " keep the peace" I learned to water myself down or produce some lesser version of myself to suit her? You are right Cedar, I will be myself.</p><p>Aware of her reactions, but myself. Anything less is unacceptable.</p><p>" To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment " <span style="font-size: 10px">Ralph Waldo Emerson</span></p><p> Flight or fight. That is what that is about. I think.</p><p>I do not like conflict. But, it is a part of life.</p><p>I have learned to <em>not fight</em> with hubs.</p><p>It doesn't get me anywhere.</p><p>He will get extremely angry and explosive, and if I stand my ground and argue with him, it just gets worse and worse. So I walk away and give it a day or so. Of course this upsets me. But, I find that</p><p>by waiting until he is calmer, things just work out better.</p><p>It is the same with sis, she is unyielding. Stubborn. A bull.</p><p>I get frustrated, I cry. Crying is so built in. The feelings just well up. I feel sorrow before I feel angry....</p><p> I do not require their validation. I did before, but not now.</p><p>I see walking away as a <em>strength.</em> It does not make sense to me to try to make a point, then be berated over it. I walk away from sis and hubs because I won't be drawn into circular talk.</p><p></p><p> Yup I don't know Cedar. For me it is because <em>I am super sensitive</em>, it is true. It is not a bad thing to be.</p><p></p><p> Most times I am able to hold back the tears, but when they do come the floodgates open.</p><p><em>I am able to have a tougher skin too</em>.</p><p>For some reason with my sister, if I feel hurt or angry, frustrated, the tears flow.</p><p></p><p></p><p> I love this Cedar.</p><p></p><p> I think so too, Cedar.There is mystery in life. There are unanswerable questions. I think the most important thing is, where do we go from here? How do we find our purpose and meaning, now that we can see ourselves and the beautiful world through our own eyes?</p><p></p><p>It is clear to me that it was my sister. She needed all of the attention. It is as simple as that.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Sis had to have everything her way. Always. I slowly realized it was much easier to fade away into the background.</p><p>It was confusing. It still confounds me now, how she was able to do what she did from such a young age.</p><p> YAY. That is wonderful Cedar.</p><p></p><p> I like my kids too, love them. Don't like what is happening with my d cs, but when we did get along....... they are funny, smart and easy going. I am hoping for them, that they will figure out a way through towards their purpose.</p><p>It is this nasty active addictive persona with my two, that woke up the FOO memories.</p><p></p><p> My sis, I don't know Cedar, she is herself. But as I wrote, she has likable qualities. It comes with a price, and that is that everything still has to be her way. I cannot judge her. I can only try to use good judgement when around her. Which isn't very much, considering the distance between us. Literally and figuratively.</p><p></p><p> Deep and savage, that sounds kind of sexy to me. Lol.</p><p><em> I am</em> delightfully sensitive to everything, wind, clouds, waves, music, colors......and much more, painfully sensitive to excess noise, crowds, conflict, violent movies. It is definitely a personality trait. I am enjoying exploring it, the studies on it are pretty fascinating Cedar.</p><p><a href="http://phys.org/news/2010-04-sensitive-people-brains-differently.html" target="_blank">http://phys.org/news/2010-04-sensitive-people-brains-differently.html</a></p><p>I recognize myself in this stuff I am reading. I was super introverted when I was a young child, but am extrovert now. I just have to figure out how to channel the good parts of this trait. Interestingly, one of the things I have read is the <em>importance on healing past wounds.</em> It is exactly as you wrote, Cedar, when those wounds have healed, a whole new world opens up.</p><p></p><p>I will spit out the part that labeled my deep feelings wrong. It is the center of my creativity. The core part of me where my imagination wells up from.</p><p>Anyway, of course I cried when my siblings were horrible to me, that sh** hurt. I wanted to stay in my room because it was safer for me.</p><p>Doesn't everyone need alone time when feeling sad and miserable? Doesn't everyone need a good cry every once in a while? It is not that I am crying all of the time anymore. Yes, for sure when I was a child, I cried a lot. I had every right to cry, I grew up in my own home being terribly bullied. It was a natural reaction in a hard situation. I learned to cry alone, because I was not allowed to cry, otherwise. How weird is that? How confusing?</p><p>What I have to look at , is the knee jerk reaction when I am around my FOO, that sends me reeling like Dorothy in the tornado flown house, wrenched from its foundation. I do not wind up in Munchkinland. I am that child all over again, smack dab in the past.</p><p> Thank you Cedar, yes, this is all true. Dad would tell me what a terrible thing to waste the gift I was blessed with. What he didn't understand is that I did not have the confidence. Yes, I have done all those things, painted, sculpted, wrote poetry.</p><p>It is a circle that I need to break free from. All of these things that I have done are a part of me. I need to do them, like I need to breathe.</p><p> It is awful, isn't it? I used to think, "What might I done if.....I was cherished...." But my life is not over, there is much I can do now. As the song says the book is still unwritten......That is the extraordinary part. That I can awaken each day, and see through my own eyes. You know Cedar, I entered works in a juried show when I was 25, and won a prize for a sketch I had done. I was painting like a Mad Hatter back then. This woman approached me and wanted to know if I had any other work. I had several paintings at home. There was one, I was not fond of, Hubs said "Show it to her anyway, you never know..." So, I reluctantly put it up on the wall. It was the first painting she gravitated to and bought. I will focus on that memory, when I start my new life painting again.</p><p></p><p> You can have the dinner with true friends. Friends are the family we choose.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> I am afraid of my sister too Cedar. She is strong and overpowering at times. Like the wicked step-mother, and I am her Cinderella, but there was no ball, glass shoe or prince.</p><p></p><p> Could it be that they love you, but their version of love is really yucky. My father in law claimed to "love" my mother in law, but he was abusive and controlling. It was a sick love, yes, not love at all.</p><p>That is what is so confusing. So, then what is love?</p><p></p><p> Lighthouses and Maya Angelou and all the mentors we need to focus on to help us come into our own. That is where we are heading. Real, not role. Healing. For me, there is something about forgiveness, therein.</p><p><img src="http://images.comfortingquotes.com/2014/06/wpid-maya-angelou-you-cant-forgive.jpg" alt="" class="fr-fic fr-dii fr-draggable " style="" /></p><p></p><p>I like that. "I forgive, I'm finished with it." So<em> done.</em>......So it is okay to love them, forgive them, and also to be done. Done. Moving on........</p><p></p><p> She is fine, Cedar, and so are you. You are wonderful in every way.</p><p></p><p> Yes.</p><p></p><p> Yes.</p><p></p><p> No, no. You will find other people to love, and who will love you back, like D H. Because you will learn to trust with your eyes. Your eyes, Cedar.</p><p></p><p> It doesn't feel nice. They were afraid of your gifts. They didn't and don't understand you. How sad for them and you, that they missed out on the beautiful way you have with words, how you delight in poetry, how incredibly intelligent you are. We are blessed here, to have your perspective, to be able to marvel at your thought process. I don't know how in the world they could treat you the way they did, and do, Cedar. The only explanation I can think of, is that your gifts frightened them. Just as my being sensitive was something to squash, growing up. I think my parents feared for me, going into the world, thusly. You know something though? I just read a comment from Viktor Frankl that the supposed "weak" emotional, sensitive types,<em> became the survivors of the camps.</em> He said they were able to go inside of themselves and pull out amazing strength. It was the more seemingly "robust", who perished. Isn't that something?</p><p></p><p> Really we are, and we always have been. We just didn't know it. "There is no place like home" Home is .....us.</p><p></p><p></p><p>No fear.</p><p>One confident step forward at a time.</p><p></p><p>I have to go for my walk now, then to work, then to class.</p><p>It is a ten hour day for me. ugh. But I will do it.</p><p>So, it will take some time for me to respond, I apologize.</p><p>I do so appreciate your response and thoughts.</p><p>It is like coming home and finding a beautifully wrapped present.......</p><p>Thank you as always Cedar, for the time you take to walk through this with me.</p><p>Copa, I hope you get your laptop soon.</p><p>Anyone else following along, chime in with your story.</p><p>It is hard to look at the past, but very incredibly freeing.</p><p></p><p>May your day be joyous and peaceful</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p><p></p><p>The waves on the North Shore are predicted to reach 30 feet today. There is nothing quite like seeing surf that large. Sigh.</p><p>I will have to watch them on the news.........got to go to work!!!</p><p></p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 680442, member: 19522"] You see yourself with your own eyes, Cedar, not by measure of how anyone else may feel about you, or see you. You are God's child, precious in every way. Born with the promise of endless possibilities. In spite of great difficulty, you emerged from the fire, a beautiful and shining diamond. No one, no one else has the right to label you [I]anything[/I], [I]you define yourself[/I]. But the eyes in your head........see the world spinning round, Cedar. Remember that old Beatles song..... They are the fools, Cedar, to not know what a treasure you are to the world. My "sensitive" label, yes, that is not the only part of me, as if I was one thing, just as you are much more than "thinking too much" how absurd. Yes, it is sad, Cedar, but in our heart of hearts, we didn't believe, that is why we are here. If we believed, we would have been different people than what we are. I think we were and are very brave. We are climbing the mountain, seeing the world, spinning round.I think that our strength was and is a fearsome thing to them. How odd, and sad for the child. You see, Cedar, you have eyes to see reflections in the puddles. This is what they feared all along, so they labeled you a fool. You dared step out of the box of conventionalism and family dynamics. With your child eyes. You have a gift. Instead of embracing and nurturing your gift, they felt that it condemned them, so they condemned your gift. I believe the high anxiety is our inner child reacting. It hits us to the core and puts us on guard, it is a voice that says, be careful you are not safe here. Flight or fight. We can see...... too much. That is the problem, [I]we know[/I]. The confusing part about their games is that they are our people. To be hurt in such ways by ones own family, from childhood on, then to come to an age of understanding, opening up our own eyes. Eyes wide open. Wide open to everything. Questioning. I am thinking on this, to be [I]myself [/I]truly raises sisters hackles. How odd to write that. So, what then, to " keep the peace" I learned to water myself down or produce some lesser version of myself to suit her? You are right Cedar, I will be myself. Aware of her reactions, but myself. Anything less is unacceptable. " To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment " [SIZE=2]Ralph Waldo Emerson[/SIZE] Flight or fight. That is what that is about. I think. I do not like conflict. But, it is a part of life. I have learned to [I]not fight[/I] with hubs. It doesn't get me anywhere. He will get extremely angry and explosive, and if I stand my ground and argue with him, it just gets worse and worse. So I walk away and give it a day or so. Of course this upsets me. But, I find that by waiting until he is calmer, things just work out better. It is the same with sis, she is unyielding. Stubborn. A bull. I get frustrated, I cry. Crying is so built in. The feelings just well up. I feel sorrow before I feel angry.... I do not require their validation. I did before, but not now. I see walking away as a [I]strength.[/I] It does not make sense to me to try to make a point, then be berated over it. I walk away from sis and hubs because I won't be drawn into circular talk. Yup I don't know Cedar. For me it is because [I]I am super sensitive[/I], it is true. It is not a bad thing to be. Most times I am able to hold back the tears, but when they do come the floodgates open. [I]I am able to have a tougher skin too[/I]. For some reason with my sister, if I feel hurt or angry, frustrated, the tears flow. I love this Cedar. I think so too, Cedar.There is mystery in life. There are unanswerable questions. I think the most important thing is, where do we go from here? How do we find our purpose and meaning, now that we can see ourselves and the beautiful world through our own eyes? It is clear to me that it was my sister. She needed all of the attention. It is as simple as that. Sis had to have everything her way. Always. I slowly realized it was much easier to fade away into the background. It was confusing. It still confounds me now, how she was able to do what she did from such a young age. YAY. That is wonderful Cedar. I like my kids too, love them. Don't like what is happening with my d cs, but when we did get along....... they are funny, smart and easy going. I am hoping for them, that they will figure out a way through towards their purpose. It is this nasty active addictive persona with my two, that woke up the FOO memories. My sis, I don't know Cedar, she is herself. But as I wrote, she has likable qualities. It comes with a price, and that is that everything still has to be her way. I cannot judge her. I can only try to use good judgement when around her. Which isn't very much, considering the distance between us. Literally and figuratively. Deep and savage, that sounds kind of sexy to me. Lol. [I] I am[/I] delightfully sensitive to everything, wind, clouds, waves, music, colors......and much more, painfully sensitive to excess noise, crowds, conflict, violent movies. It is definitely a personality trait. I am enjoying exploring it, the studies on it are pretty fascinating Cedar. [URL]http://phys.org/news/2010-04-sensitive-people-brains-differently.html[/URL] I recognize myself in this stuff I am reading. I was super introverted when I was a young child, but am extrovert now. I just have to figure out how to channel the good parts of this trait. Interestingly, one of the things I have read is the [I]importance on healing past wounds.[/I] It is exactly as you wrote, Cedar, when those wounds have healed, a whole new world opens up. I will spit out the part that labeled my deep feelings wrong. It is the center of my creativity. The core part of me where my imagination wells up from. Anyway, of course I cried when my siblings were horrible to me, that sh** hurt. I wanted to stay in my room because it was safer for me. Doesn't everyone need alone time when feeling sad and miserable? Doesn't everyone need a good cry every once in a while? It is not that I am crying all of the time anymore. Yes, for sure when I was a child, I cried a lot. I had every right to cry, I grew up in my own home being terribly bullied. It was a natural reaction in a hard situation. I learned to cry alone, because I was not allowed to cry, otherwise. How weird is that? How confusing? What I have to look at , is the knee jerk reaction when I am around my FOO, that sends me reeling like Dorothy in the tornado flown house, wrenched from its foundation. I do not wind up in Munchkinland. I am that child all over again, smack dab in the past. Thank you Cedar, yes, this is all true. Dad would tell me what a terrible thing to waste the gift I was blessed with. What he didn't understand is that I did not have the confidence. Yes, I have done all those things, painted, sculpted, wrote poetry. It is a circle that I need to break free from. All of these things that I have done are a part of me. I need to do them, like I need to breathe. It is awful, isn't it? I used to think, "What might I done if.....I was cherished...." But my life is not over, there is much I can do now. As the song says the book is still unwritten......That is the extraordinary part. That I can awaken each day, and see through my own eyes. You know Cedar, I entered works in a juried show when I was 25, and won a prize for a sketch I had done. I was painting like a Mad Hatter back then. This woman approached me and wanted to know if I had any other work. I had several paintings at home. There was one, I was not fond of, Hubs said "Show it to her anyway, you never know..." So, I reluctantly put it up on the wall. It was the first painting she gravitated to and bought. I will focus on that memory, when I start my new life painting again. You can have the dinner with true friends. Friends are the family we choose. I am afraid of my sister too Cedar. She is strong and overpowering at times. Like the wicked step-mother, and I am her Cinderella, but there was no ball, glass shoe or prince. Could it be that they love you, but their version of love is really yucky. My father in law claimed to "love" my mother in law, but he was abusive and controlling. It was a sick love, yes, not love at all. That is what is so confusing. So, then what is love? Lighthouses and Maya Angelou and all the mentors we need to focus on to help us come into our own. That is where we are heading. Real, not role. Healing. For me, there is something about forgiveness, therein. [IMG]http://images.comfortingquotes.com/2014/06/wpid-maya-angelou-you-cant-forgive.jpg[/IMG] I like that. "I forgive, I'm finished with it." So[I] done.[/I]......So it is okay to love them, forgive them, and also to be done. Done. Moving on........ She is fine, Cedar, and so are you. You are wonderful in every way. Yes. Yes. No, no. You will find other people to love, and who will love you back, like D H. Because you will learn to trust with your eyes. Your eyes, Cedar. It doesn't feel nice. They were afraid of your gifts. They didn't and don't understand you. How sad for them and you, that they missed out on the beautiful way you have with words, how you delight in poetry, how incredibly intelligent you are. We are blessed here, to have your perspective, to be able to marvel at your thought process. I don't know how in the world they could treat you the way they did, and do, Cedar. The only explanation I can think of, is that your gifts frightened them. Just as my being sensitive was something to squash, growing up. I think my parents feared for me, going into the world, thusly. You know something though? I just read a comment from Viktor Frankl that the supposed "weak" emotional, sensitive types,[I] became the survivors of the camps.[/I] He said they were able to go inside of themselves and pull out amazing strength. It was the more seemingly "robust", who perished. Isn't that something? Really we are, and we always have been. We just didn't know it. "There is no place like home" Home is .....us. No fear. One confident step forward at a time. I have to go for my walk now, then to work, then to class. It is a ten hour day for me. ugh. But I will do it. So, it will take some time for me to respond, I apologize. I do so appreciate your response and thoughts. It is like coming home and finding a beautifully wrapped present....... Thank you as always Cedar, for the time you take to walk through this with me. Copa, I hope you get your laptop soon. Anyone else following along, chime in with your story. It is hard to look at the past, but very incredibly freeing. May your day be joyous and peaceful (((HUGS))) leafy The waves on the North Shore are predicted to reach 30 feet today. There is nothing quite like seeing surf that large. Sigh. I will have to watch them on the news.........got to go to work!!! leafy [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
After Narcissistic Abuse Link
Top