After "parenting" difficult child for almost two years, GFGmom calls asking "what to do"

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DDD, Jun 15, 2010.

  1. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Almost 20 now difficult child has done nothing...zip..but stay in his room and use his computer and WII.There have been no classes, no friends, no cooperation with voc/rehab AND no guidance on spending his disability money. Last night she calls and says "Mom, I don't know what to do with difficult child. He's raging etc. etc."Disengaged response from DDD: "I'm sorry you all are having so many problems but I can't help you. You cut me out of his life and he no longer confides in me. You have changed hismedical care and eliminated his counseling. I wish you the very best and care very much for him. All I can suggest is that you look back and see what worked for seven years at our house and see if you can make changes."How sad. DDD
     
  2. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Wow!
    How do YOU feel?
    I think this is a gooood response! You disengaged. Did not get overly involved. Put it back on her...but some gentle guidance...as appropriate. What worked before? Something for her to think about. (hugs).
     
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    IMPRESSIVE!!!!!

    Hugs for your Mommy heart with regard to difficult child....(now exhale)
     
  4. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    D3, knowing how committed you've always been to difficult child, what you said took enormous strength and courage.

    Have you figured out what you are going to do if she calls you in a couple of days waving a white flag:whiteflag:, asking you to get involved again? Do you think it might happen?

    Suz
     
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sad to say, I'm finally running low on energy. Between the business, the house, husband and our frustrating easy child/difficult child I'm about tapped out. Most nights I'm in the sack and ready for zzzz's by8 or so. I don't think I could start over again with difficult child. Never say never, of course. I sure don't think so. It is a heartbreaker but we have disengaged big time. Poor kid. I really appreciate that you guys care. What a difference it still makes to know the family is always available. DDD
     
  6. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    D3, it's no wonder you are tapped out. You've been the heart and backbone of your family for decades. It's time to take a deep breath.

    Hugs.
     
  7. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    I'm actually kind of surprised it took 2 years! Sadly, that doesn't bode well for her ability to wake up and smell the coffee. You did a very good job, D3, in your response. I am so proud of you!! Would give a lot to have seen the look on gfgmom's face :tongue:

    You do have every reason to feel tapped out, but if it's a fairly sudden change in energy level, a trip to the doctor would not hurt! Perhaps a thyroid check?

    Peace
     
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    While I am sorry that he is having a hard time, your response was PERFECT!!!!!!!!! I am so proud of you!! It is really hard to disengage from your child and it must be even harder when it is a grandchild. You truly have been the backbone and heart of your family for a long time. This is a very appropriate boundary to draw.

    I hope you are feeling better soon though. It might be a good idea to call your doctor.
     
  9. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    After delaying the trip, I did go out of town and meet with my new MD. Had the initial plus lab tests and she wants me back in a month for a more complete check...but...all in all seems to think that working five days a week plus Saturday mornings, having a "no win" situation with easy child/difficult child which causes alot of stress and lack of sleep and an aging husband etc. equals up to a tiredscene for someone my age. Neither she nor I think I am ill. on the other hand, I will keep the next appointment. to make sure. Having the added stress of the Memorial for my eldest grandson and the skin cancer on my hand has made it more stressful than ever.IF difficult child had remained with us (and connected to us!) things would be different perhaps. It is a sad situation but I accept that we can not save him now. What a waste of a life! Thanks for caring. DDD
     
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