Aggravated at myself

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by T Rene', Sep 18, 2016.

  1. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    My son is still doin good as far as staying sober... But I have been so sleepless & worried for so long .. That I feel I never say the right thing:( I get so nervous anymore! He still refuses to get a job for the most outrageous reasons ! So I just try not to say much... It only makes thgs difficult for me. When he does show up Im always so worried hes not gonna leave on his own,I am tired & this makes me feel so awful ! Keep me in prayer plzz that I am still doin right ... Just feelin lost ... But still proud at the same time.. Does that even make since ?!
  2. TargetPractice

    TargetPractice Fakin' it 'til I make it!

    It makes perfect sense. It sounds like your road with your son has been a hard one. It sounds like there's still a way to go. You have every right to feel tired and worried. At the same time, he's staying sober! That's huge, and absolutely something to be proud of! These difficult children of ours make us feel emotions in combinations I'm not sure were meant to happen. All the best thoughts and gentle hugs to you.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    It is so wrong to fear your son or what you say to him. That gives him so much power over you, never good for either of you.

    He is an adult. Why should you worry about saying the right or wrong thing? If you are afraid he will harm you, take care of your safety. if you think you may say something that will make him worse, forget it. Only he can make himself better or worse. How old is he? How does he get money if he doesnt work? Does he live in your house? it is a positive step that he is sober. Now he does need to work.

    I am always so sad when mothers fear their own children. It is just so wrong. I am so so sorry. Prayers for you and please understand that what your son does is not your fault.
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2016
  4. worried sick mother

    worried sick mother Active Member

    I understand your fear of saying the wrong thing but somewhere out there is right, you're giving him too much control over you. You're afraid that you may say something that could cause relapse. Maybe it's because addicts use every excuse to justify their drug use. Has he blamed you in the past? I know my son has totally blamed me and I feel the same way, I'm always afraid of saying the wrong thing too. That worry doesn't leave overnight. Sometimes I think we have worried for so long that we just don't know how not to worry. I am sending you prayers.
  5. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    He doesn't try to hurt me .. He just goes into yellin & cursing ... Im always scared he will hurt himself... He does not live with me .. I cant allow that ! He has sold everythg he has ever gotten ... He worked up until 6 mths ago ... & everthg went wrong ... Thank u for takin time to talk to me ... :)
  6. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    T Rene, I think as parents we still hold onto this idea that we hold power over them like we did when they were little. We don't hold that much sway anymore. What we say may be less than the perfect thing to say in that situation, but their reaction is under their control, not ours.

    The yelling and cursing is not acceptable. He needs to stop that or take it elsewhere. If he is scaring you, I think you should ask him to leave and not return until he is capable of treating you with respect.

    How is he supporting himself? Are you giving him money or other support? If not, I guess maybe I might try to stay away from "job" conversations, as it is his choice and does not affect you. If you are supporting him financially, that is a different situation.

    If you are worried about him extending his visits, can you set limits beforehand, or maybe have plans in place that necessitate your ending his visits at a certain time?

    Either way, great on him for staying sober. I hope he is attending meetings or counseling so he can work on his anger issues.
  7. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    I dont give any money at all... I don't have it to give ! As he knows this ... He asks every once in a while .. But I do not ... I will feed him ... But its on him if he wants extra stuff ... My Mom is the one that keeps giving.. I have told her to stop your not helpin him ... Thats a whole diff area ... But I do agree with u on the time limits .. It just breaks my heart that it has to be this way for now :) Thanks so much for ur time
  8. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    T Rene
    Key word is "for now".

    Hopefully this will pass with time. But do set your boundaries so you are not uncomfortable in your own home.

    We've all done it but I am more than through with that!