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<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 53987" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>I am with you......the constant judgement from others is something that has literally changed my life and the way I live. I can no longer walk down my block or go to the grocery store without hoping to God I don't run into past ghosts. I can no longer drive by a school without feeling that horrible gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach, or see kids out on the playground without flashbacks of the many altercations my son got himself into. I feel like a part of me was stolen - the part of me that was able to see the good in all people - the part of me that was confident and poised. </p><p></p><p>I have contemplated the concept of judgement a lot, and the impact it has had on my life and my sons. I kept thinking, that there was a way, somehow, to change the minds of these adults that accused, judged and ostracized my son - that somehow if I just showed them the good side of mat they would stop their rumors and gossiping, and embrace mat - the good, the bad, and the ugly. However, I have come to realize that judgement is just an inherent part of human nature. It does not matter if it is our difficult children, or the clothes we wear, or the car we drive, or our monthly income - we live in a society where judging and blaming is simply second nature. It is also human nature to want to find the scapegoat, the person who is "less than", so that we can be "more than". Unfortunately, our difficult children are likely targets, as well as us, their parents.</p><p></p><p>I would like to tell you that I have found peace in the midst of this - however - I still cry every time something like this happens. What I have found, though, is a depth to life that I do not think most people have (except those of us on this board.) I think these experiences have made me grow, think, become stronger, and have caused me to stop allowing other's perceptions to define me. I also think this is what is SO amazing about this board - a group of people who would never judge or criticize - because we have all been through hell and back with our kids.</p><p></p><p>Again, I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. I can offer one ray of hope, however. My son, who is 16 now, is finally able to control his impulses better. I see it time and time again. He is able to rein in his emotions, and breathe. So there is hope! It might just be a longer journey through judgement land than you wanted - but hang on to the fact that someday Seb will be able to control his impulses and emotions 100 times better than he can now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 53987, member: 3301"] I am with you......the constant judgement from others is something that has literally changed my life and the way I live. I can no longer walk down my block or go to the grocery store without hoping to God I don't run into past ghosts. I can no longer drive by a school without feeling that horrible gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach, or see kids out on the playground without flashbacks of the many altercations my son got himself into. I feel like a part of me was stolen - the part of me that was able to see the good in all people - the part of me that was confident and poised. I have contemplated the concept of judgement a lot, and the impact it has had on my life and my sons. I kept thinking, that there was a way, somehow, to change the minds of these adults that accused, judged and ostracized my son - that somehow if I just showed them the good side of mat they would stop their rumors and gossiping, and embrace mat - the good, the bad, and the ugly. However, I have come to realize that judgement is just an inherent part of human nature. It does not matter if it is our difficult children, or the clothes we wear, or the car we drive, or our monthly income - we live in a society where judging and blaming is simply second nature. It is also human nature to want to find the scapegoat, the person who is "less than", so that we can be "more than". Unfortunately, our difficult children are likely targets, as well as us, their parents. I would like to tell you that I have found peace in the midst of this - however - I still cry every time something like this happens. What I have found, though, is a depth to life that I do not think most people have (except those of us on this board.) I think these experiences have made me grow, think, become stronger, and have caused me to stop allowing other's perceptions to define me. I also think this is what is SO amazing about this board - a group of people who would never judge or criticize - because we have all been through hell and back with our kids. Again, I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. I can offer one ray of hope, however. My son, who is 16 now, is finally able to control his impulses better. I see it time and time again. He is able to rein in his emotions, and breathe. So there is hope! It might just be a longer journey through judgement land than you wanted - but hang on to the fact that someday Seb will be able to control his impulses and emotions 100 times better than he can now. [/QUOTE]
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