Aggressive BiPolar (BP) teen, Police won't do their job???

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by confused_n_tx, May 3, 2007.

  1. confused_n_tx

    confused_n_tx New Member

    I am a single mom - 46. I have a 16 yr old daughter. She has been diagnosed by 6 different psychiatrists as BiPolar (BP) as well as ODD (Opposition Defiant Disorder). She has been hospitilized 3 times, Detention center twice,on Probation once, and many other schools and special classes.

    Tuesday we were driving home from taking her to the doctor (she only had a cold) but she thought it was much more serious. She started telling me how sick she was and I was disagreeing so she was getting very angry - kicked my dash several times very hard with her feet, came as clase to me as she could and yelled at the top of her lungs, said the F word over and over and started beating on me. I pushed her off of me - remember I am trying to drive while all of this is going on, I also turned the car around and told her we were heading to the police. When we reached a intersection she got out and called her friends to come get her. I went ahead to the police station & tryed to file a runaway report but he said that I should try to find her. I went looking and called back and he said she had been there and he sent her to CPS because of the things she was telling him and she had her friends back up the story????

    So because I dont have friends to witness this then the police will automatically believe the bratty teen??? And we wonder why our sociaty is in the shape it is? She also went to her friends house who parant does not know me, except what my daughter has told her.

    I have called CPS several times and they tell me they do not have a reason to investigate and do not have a case open...is this something they tell people to put them off guard or is it true?

    PLEASE help me and tell me what I should do. I am on disability for a blood disorder and I am a p/t nanny. I love my job! I also keep kids at church on sunday. None of them know about my daughter and I don't want anything to cause me to loose my jobs.

    I am so very tired and worn out. When she pulls these stunts I get very upset, and it shows, then she tells everyone that I am crazy. I think the police believe her because I do get upset, but only with just cause.

    I want the family that she runs away to out of the picture. Is there something legally I can do? That doesn't cost much. Also If I can't go to the police to get help then who or where??? I can't afford to move just because I have a mentally ill child.

    FIVE YEARS and no F/T answers yet. She went to Waco Center for Youth for four months, the best four months of both of our lives, but she graduated out of the system. Please send any advise or if there are any parants in the same situation.

    THANK YOU!!
     
  2. Loris

    Loris New Member

    The best thing you can do is try to calm down. When they do come to talk to you, you don't want to be over emotional. I know, easier said than done. But they do tend to believe the kids. been there done that. I lost mine when my oldest did that. I fought long and hard to get them back. They told me it wasn't the kids job to prove he was telling the truth, it was my job to prove he wasn't. They didn't accept one shred of anything I gave them, I had to get the Judge on my side. It wasn't easy, and I had to jump through more hoops than ever before in my life.
    Is there anyone who can testify for you as a witness as to her behavior? You can show the social workers anything you can come up with. Teachers notes, doctors, POs, anything will help. But you have to be calm, or it makes them believe you are the issue. I really hope this works out for you to get her help. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. I know this isn't easy.
     
  3. confused_n_tx

    confused_n_tx New Member

    THANK YOU for replying.
    I have a LOT of people to back me up - all her docs, the 3 times she has been hospitalized, my aunt, grandparants, dad, counselors, and more I can't think of right now.

    Why is it that you have to HIDE feelings when dealing with the police? I can PRETEND to be calm, but I am truly upset. I just think it's silly. As long as it's not violent - just tears and a upset voice. Not only do I have to deal with this out-of-control teen, but I have to remember not to show any feelings. To me THAT is crazy.

    Anyway it's only 16 months until her 18th birthday.

    Did CPS tell you there wasn't a case open before they came out?

    I have always put being a mother first - it's all I ever wanted to do or be. I have read all the books, taken many classes, all so that I would be a better mom than mine was. I don't drink, smoke, cuss or call her names, even in a fight. I am NOT saying look how good I am, I am just saying look how hard I have tried at being a good mom and that I never took the job lightly. I do get stressed when she takes my car in the middle of the night at 13. And when I talk to the police it's kinda hard to hide it and talk like I'm talking about the weather.

    Everything thing I have read and learned has said let the child learn by their own consequences, but that just didn't seem to work in our case. She chooses not to go to school - I have to PAY for the days she's missed. That is how every thing has gone.

    I have done the tough-love thing and seen her many times in schackles. You would think the first time would have worked but it didn't. But then again she refuses to take her medications.

    It's really beginning to feel hopeless at this point.
     
  4. kris

    kris New Member

    hi & welcome.

    you can show you're upset....but not too upset if you know what i mean. IOW, teary~eyed is much better than actual tears.....and never use your angry voice....or your exasperated voice when speaking with-officials.

    as for whether or not CPS will open an investigation. hard to tell. gather all your documentation together & have it ready. just because they said they haven't opened a case doesn't mean they aren't going to. hope for the best. prepare for the worst.

    by the way, have you had dealings with-cps before?

    kris
     
  5. confused_n_tx

    confused_n_tx New Member

    THANK YOU for responding.

    I understand what you are saying, just don't get the pretending. If I am exasperated - why do I have to pretend I am not? Why can't they just relate and understand? Instead of wanting us to act as close to robots as we can?

    Anyway...
    No - I have never dealt with CPS before. I went ahead and told them even if there was not an open case to go ahead and investigate. This will give my child less leverage and I have absolutely nothing to hide. (except that I have emptions - LOL). I have a long record of begging for help, getting help, doctors, and a lot of others who have seen Brooke at her worst and best, on and off medications. I currently have a counselor to help me get though the ruff times with Brooke, but no will will counsel her because she is not on her medications so they say she is not logical and it's difficult to reason with her.

    It's really weird. She is so much like an abusive husband in so many ways. She wants me isolated from family & friends. She can't stand it when I'm on the phone, go anywhere, or do anything she can't "control". When she gets upset with me - she only runs to this one family who does not even know me and believe every word she says without any evidence. The mom takes her in and does not even call me. It's just I can't beleive anyone would ever think I would do anything to hurt her after all I have been through to get help for her. But then again she never has tried to get to know me. So now I have to get a legal document so that she won't interfer anymore.
     
  6. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    You might be able to get the other family to stop sheltering her if you file a complaint that they are interfering with custody.
     
  7. kris

    kris New Member

    f, when you speak to the police or cps, you are overly emotional it appears that you are the unstable one thereby giving your daughter's claims validation. stupid, yes, but it is what it is.

    i have always told my kids that if any of their friends needed shelter from problems with-parents they are welcome here ON ONE CONDITION.......the parent(s) know that they are with-us. it happened once with-my son's friend & we currently have a friend of my daughter's staying with-us. it's a bit different because both were/are 18 ~~~~ but in both cases mom knows they are with-us. i just don't understand people who will shelter a child & not inform the parents. i often wonder how they would feel if the shoe were on the other foot.

    kris
     
  8. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    How horrible!!! I also have a 16 year old difficult child who is bipolar and has ODD. Unlike your difficult child, he also has asperger's. When he is unstable, he is totally irrational, has violent rages, and is "set off" by the smallest thing. It can be H-LL on earth living with him!!!

    Unfortunately, I don't have any good advice for you. I think the others had good advice when they told you to remain calm when dealing with police. I've been lucky, because so far, the police have been able to tell when difficult child 1 is mentally unstable. To date, I haven't had any dealings with CPS. This doesn't mean that it will never happen!!! difficult child 1 is an excellent liar!!! I just continue to pray that his medication will keep him stable...

    I just wanted to introduce myself to you, and let you know you are not alone!!! Sending cyber hugs, WFEN
     
  9. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome!

    It does seem like you need to take a few deep breathes and calm down some. I KNOW how trying these kids can be. It is a hard life we lead. We have a big job and not alot of people understand it.

    In my opinion, I think you should allow your child to go to this house to get away. I would contact the parents and tell them you understand your child needs a 'time out' at their house now and then and if there is anything you can help with (groceries and such) you are glad to pitch in. You appreciate they are willing to help your child have this time away to calm down.

    That is a good thing. It tells me your child has found a way on her own to cope with her life. I know it is not a bad life, that is not what I am saying at all. How do I say this?

    Here is an example from my own life experiences with difficult child.

    I moved my difficult child to her father's house for one year (many reason I will not go into - and yes, it was heart wrenching to do). When the year was up we (dex and I) decided it would be good to split time at both houses. My difficult child has admitted to me that she can not spend too much time with either family. So, this seems to work. If she gets extra time (vacation or even time off from school) at either household - she is bursting at the seems to get away. If it is the normal 2 or 3 days she can handle just fine. It has been quite an eye opener for us all.

    So, I guess what I am saying is if your difficult child finds that getting away for a bit helpful to her mental state - do not take it away from her.

    There could be way more to the story of this other family that I am not aware of - but these were my thoughts as I read your post.

    HUGS!!
     
  10. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Originally Posted By: confused_n_tx

    I have always put being a mother first - it's all I ever wanted to do or be. I have read all the books, taken many classes, all so that I would be a better mom than mine was. I don't drink, smoke, cuss or call her names, even in a fight. I am NOT saying look how good I am, I am just saying look how hard I have tried at being a good mom and that I never took the job lightly.

    You just described 99% of us on this board. We have all taken the steps you have to give our kids the best we could, and in the end, it isn't our faults. These are our childrens choices, whether because of a mental illness, addiction, whatever. The first thing you need to realize is that you haven't caused it, but now you need to document everything you can to prove it. It isn't fare, but not much that goes on in the difficult child world is. I'm glad you have doctors to back you up. I would start making some calls to them.
     
  11. confused_n_tx

    confused_n_tx New Member

    WOW! Thank you all for all your advise!

    It helps some to know I am not alone. As far as letting my child stay at the family's house - I did that for two weeks a couple of months ago. If the mother would truly work with me - but she believes every word out of my daughters mouth without talking to me or any evidence. She does not watch her children and they had to call me from the hospital because they let her drive a 4-wheeler without a helmet and she was in an accident.

    If she had grandparants or another family member that would keep her for a while that would be great- but they have seen and been envolved with her outburst and they don't want to help.

    And what does she need a break from? I didn't do anything! She has outburst fir silly reasons - I said a word she didn't like (snot) hits me and the pet, breaks things, and for what? If I was screemng and yelling at her it would be one thing - but that is not the case. This has happened time and time again. She doesn't even remember why she got so angry. It's usually when I catch her in a lie. I keep my calm while she goes to extremes. I get upset when she gets physically violent and I have to fight her off of me. She wants to go to this family because they have much more money than I do and they buy her lots of stuff while she is there.

    The doctor would back up the diagnosis but not the kind of doctor I can call for help. There is no one.

    She does everything to prove to people I'm crazy. I think that maybe she feels if she could do that then she would have an excuse for her behavior. I just wish we could get camera's in my home so she could watch herself. I think this is the only way for her to realize what is going on.

    When it comes down to it she is still throwing tamtrums that most two year olds grow out of. She doesn't get her way - right away and she will make your life miserable. She keeps doing it because it is working for her. Everyone buys into her lies about me and she gets what ever she wants.

    I know y'all are just hearing one side, but consuder I do what I do because I love her - she does what she does because she hates me.

    oh well...
     
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