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Ah yes, that searing stab to the heart called betrayal
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 372661" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Aw, Farmwife, I am so sorry. I wish I were there to hug you.</p><p> </p><p>Have you discussed any of this with-your husband? You need his support now, more than ever. You have been dumped in his world and he can help you out with-his extended family.</p><p> </p><p>Your story is an old one, you know. So many people marry into extended families that don't really accept them, and then someone carelessly or deliberately betrays them. It sounds like a Charlotte Bronte novel. (And I have to admit, I laughed out loud at the big person breaking the chair. You can't see it from your point of view but it is funny. As is the doggie do-do and whose dog it really belongs to.)</p><p> </p><p>Does this family not understand AT ALL that there are problems with-difficult child? Do they take everything he says at face value? We've had our kids say all sorts of things that make us want to crawl in a hole, but we usually laugh it off, as does everyone else. In fact, one of difficult child's kindergarten teachers told us at the beginning of the yr, "If you promise to only believe half of what your child tells you about me this yr, I promise to only believe half of what he tells me about you."</p><p>"Deal!"</p><p>Sounds like your relatives have no sense of humor and are sorely lacking in compassion.</p><p> </p><p>Here's my idea: Recruit one sympathetic person from husband's family. There's got to be ONE. Set up a mtng with-difficult child, husband and Person. Tell Person that difficult child has been gossiping about them and extended family, and has been gossiping about you as well, as since you know how much it hurts you, it must surely hurt them as well. They are going to respond by saying, "What did he say about me?" and you merely nod sagely and say, "Nothing that important. What is important is that he said it with ill intent and he needs to understand there are consequences. Are you with me on this?"</p><p>Sit down with-difficult child and explain how powerful words can be, that despite the fact he thinks this is all no big deal, the people around him that YOU love and care about have been hurt, and will no longer tolerate it. So every time he says something about someone, no matter what it is, unless the house is on fire and requires a 911 call, he will have to muck out the stalls, or pay a week's allowance, or lose TV, or whatever hits him the hardest.</p><p>If he doesn't understand gossip, he will certainly understand consequences. Period.</p><p> </p><p>Many hugs. Take a long, warm bath with lots of bubbles. Lock the door. Take the phone off the hook.</p><p> </p><p>P.S. Read Prince Machiavelli. And David Sedaris. (You wouldn't believe the hysterical stuff he says about his family and makes big $ off it. Of course, I have no idea if they're on speaking terms.)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 372661, member: 3419"] Aw, Farmwife, I am so sorry. I wish I were there to hug you. Have you discussed any of this with-your husband? You need his support now, more than ever. You have been dumped in his world and he can help you out with-his extended family. Your story is an old one, you know. So many people marry into extended families that don't really accept them, and then someone carelessly or deliberately betrays them. It sounds like a Charlotte Bronte novel. (And I have to admit, I laughed out loud at the big person breaking the chair. You can't see it from your point of view but it is funny. As is the doggie do-do and whose dog it really belongs to.) Does this family not understand AT ALL that there are problems with-difficult child? Do they take everything he says at face value? We've had our kids say all sorts of things that make us want to crawl in a hole, but we usually laugh it off, as does everyone else. In fact, one of difficult child's kindergarten teachers told us at the beginning of the yr, "If you promise to only believe half of what your child tells you about me this yr, I promise to only believe half of what he tells me about you." "Deal!" Sounds like your relatives have no sense of humor and are sorely lacking in compassion. Here's my idea: Recruit one sympathetic person from husband's family. There's got to be ONE. Set up a mtng with-difficult child, husband and Person. Tell Person that difficult child has been gossiping about them and extended family, and has been gossiping about you as well, as since you know how much it hurts you, it must surely hurt them as well. They are going to respond by saying, "What did he say about me?" and you merely nod sagely and say, "Nothing that important. What is important is that he said it with ill intent and he needs to understand there are consequences. Are you with me on this?" Sit down with-difficult child and explain how powerful words can be, that despite the fact he thinks this is all no big deal, the people around him that YOU love and care about have been hurt, and will no longer tolerate it. So every time he says something about someone, no matter what it is, unless the house is on fire and requires a 911 call, he will have to muck out the stalls, or pay a week's allowance, or lose TV, or whatever hits him the hardest. If he doesn't understand gossip, he will certainly understand consequences. Period. Many hugs. Take a long, warm bath with lots of bubbles. Lock the door. Take the phone off the hook. P.S. Read Prince Machiavelli. And David Sedaris. (You wouldn't believe the hysterical stuff he says about his family and makes big $ off it. Of course, I have no idea if they're on speaking terms.) [/QUOTE]
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Ah yes, that searing stab to the heart called betrayal
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