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General Parenting
Ah yes, that searing stab to the heart called betrayal
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<blockquote data-quote="WearyWoman" data-source="post: 372691"><p>Farmwife - (((hugs))) - I understand your situation and am sending you warm thoughts today. We lived next door to my in-laws for over a decade, and difficult child 1 used to do the types of things you describe, although he was young at the time. Of course with my husband being an only (and very perfect) child who had lived at home until we married, I was doomed from the start. My mother in law said that I told our difficult child to draw nice pictures for Grandpa, but not for her, etc., etc. Not true. difficult child told her I said this or I said that . . . some of which was true and some which was not (in and out of context, of course). None of this helped our relationship any. In the end, we ended up moving away due to husband's job. That has been a lifesaver for me. I know you said that isn't possible in your case, but I still think you can "move" mentally/emotionally by distancing yourself from toxic relationships. EVERY husband and wife have the conversations you describe, and your husband's extended family has them too. They're hypocrites if they think they are any better/different. They may not have difficult children to spill all the details. </p><p> </p><p>I know you must feel so defeated, worn out and sad inside. I understand the need to let certain dreams for your difficult child go. Remember to take good care of yourself. Maybe as difficult child gets older and has to be responsible for himself, you'll get some much needed time to give back to yourself - hobbies and interests, new friendships and activities, vacations, baking, classes, whatever. You deserve to have some time to focus on your needs, and maybe that time isn't so far off. I know others here have mentioned having healthy boundaries from their own difficult children, and I sense that is the case for you too. Your difficult child has withdrawn much more from the relationship than he has invested. I hope that in time, with maturity and some real-life responsibility for his own actions, he'll change. But if he doesn't, you still need to be alright, and I think that will happen for you if you're able to nurture your own needs. </p><p> </p><p>Sorry you're having a rough time.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WearyWoman, post: 372691"] Farmwife - (((hugs))) - I understand your situation and am sending you warm thoughts today. We lived next door to my in-laws for over a decade, and difficult child 1 used to do the types of things you describe, although he was young at the time. Of course with my husband being an only (and very perfect) child who had lived at home until we married, I was doomed from the start. My mother in law said that I told our difficult child to draw nice pictures for Grandpa, but not for her, etc., etc. Not true. difficult child told her I said this or I said that . . . some of which was true and some which was not (in and out of context, of course). None of this helped our relationship any. In the end, we ended up moving away due to husband's job. That has been a lifesaver for me. I know you said that isn't possible in your case, but I still think you can "move" mentally/emotionally by distancing yourself from toxic relationships. EVERY husband and wife have the conversations you describe, and your husband's extended family has them too. They're hypocrites if they think they are any better/different. They may not have difficult children to spill all the details. I know you must feel so defeated, worn out and sad inside. I understand the need to let certain dreams for your difficult child go. Remember to take good care of yourself. Maybe as difficult child gets older and has to be responsible for himself, you'll get some much needed time to give back to yourself - hobbies and interests, new friendships and activities, vacations, baking, classes, whatever. You deserve to have some time to focus on your needs, and maybe that time isn't so far off. I know others here have mentioned having healthy boundaries from their own difficult children, and I sense that is the case for you too. Your difficult child has withdrawn much more from the relationship than he has invested. I hope that in time, with maturity and some real-life responsibility for his own actions, he'll change. But if he doesn't, you still need to be alright, and I think that will happen for you if you're able to nurture your own needs. Sorry you're having a rough time. [/QUOTE]
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Ah yes, that searing stab to the heart called betrayal
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