Aha words from Dr. Phil to a drug addict

[Signorina]

"How much does your mother miss the old you?"

difficult child acknowledges a lot

"So if you show her the old you, she gets what she wants and you can lead her anywhere"

difficult child nods and validates that she manipulates her mom by being her old self once in a while.

Ouch

difficult child on tv was a easy child until she went away to college.. Double ouch

 

[Nancy]

Was this yesterday's show? I have it dvr'd and plan to watch it. He's had some excellent shows on drugs lately. I don't know if you followed his Dr. Phil Family over the years but I did and it's back on and Alexandra went to rehab and Monday they show her after two months of being off drugs.

Nancy

 

[Signorina]

I'm not sure. I just saw it tonight. It was on at 8pm. Not even sure of the channel. They replaced Dr. Phil & Oprah w Ellen & Dr Oz- so I haven't seen it in a while

 

[AnnieO]

Unfortunately, this is the kind of manipulation most of us are all too familiar with!!!

 

[exhausted]

..and they are so good at it!

 

[Kathy813]

And I fall for it every time . . .

 

[Signorina]

Me too Kathy813

And I am not a huge Dr. Phil fan but I felt like he was unnecessarily harsh on this poor mom. She wanted to bring her daughter clean clothes for the intervention. Apparently her daughter had been wearing the same pair of mens jeans and a filthy shirt for over a week. He blasted her. He also blasted her for reimbursing her difficult child's friend (who was down and out but clean) for some grocery money that he had spent on difficult child.

I totally would've brought my kid clean clothes. And reimbursed the friend

I don't think men get it sometimes. I housed this child in my BODY for crying out loud - and I don't draw a distinction for an adopted child - and I think the same instinct that makes a mother nurture her embryo is the same instinct that makes us want to see them have clean clothes and food. And I think this instinct is triggered in any mother - regardless of how or when she became her child's mother. I think it's part of the trigger that keeps us from abandoning our young.

And i would probably fall for it again. and again...

 

[Nancy]

I'm sorry I didn't watch it. Was the difficult child adopted? I know I shouldn't say anything without having watched it but I will anyway lol.

I am a softie too. I think I was the only one who voted DDD should buy her difficult child gout medications. And the mom in me would want to bring difficult child clean clothes to wear too. But don't we often say th eopposite? Don't we preach not to enable our difficult child's and let them hit bottom? So dressing her up for the intervention is for show then or to make us feel better. In defense of Dr. Phil, he is privy to a lot more information than they actually show on the episode. Like he always says, he does his homework and he studies all the information gathered by his producers. He once showed a huge binder filled with background info and he says they do this for every guest. So when he calls a mom out for enabling her child he is usually right and it's more than just clean clothes.

Having said that, our difficult children are very good at manipulating until we finally have had it. My difficult child cannot get anything out of me anymore unless I really really want to give it to her. So that's where the tough love comes for me.

The other thing about Dr. Phil is that he has put many drug addicts though very expensive rehab programs at his expense and has brought drug addiction and its effect on families out in the open. I will admit last season I thought some of his shows were bordering on Jerry Springer stuff, but this season with his addiction series and domestic violence series I think he is doing a lot of good.

Nancy

 

[Signorina]

I don't think the difficult child was adopted. I just think there is a Darwin/built-in/biological reason that good mothers have a really hard time detaching from their kids. Especially when those kids are on the brink. Survival maternal instinct I guess.

And I think it's hard for men- even dr Phil- to understand. And I think it's easy to criticize moms-Know what I mean??

 

[Nancy]

I don't think he is criticizing from a male perspective, I think he is coming from a therapeutic standpoint. But I may be wrong. Actually my husband was more prone to give in to difficult child or be manipulated by her. He is better at detaching because I think it's a male thing to compartmentalizing things. But he would talk a good story and when she came knocking on the door it the middle of the night it was up to me to refuse to let her in.

Nancy