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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 635364" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>I agree.... and that is why I think it is important to think about detachment with love. I doubt I will ever write my son completely off.... or decide to never have contact with him again. I could see potentially stopping contact for a period of time but I dont think I could ever cut the ties completely. I think I could do that with an abusive, addicted spouse... maybe not easily and it would take time but I think I could do that. Therein lies one difference for me... my son no matter what will always be my son and I will always love him.</p><p></p><p>But I dont think detachment necessarily means cutting someone out of your life. To me it means setting limits and boundaries so that I am true to myself, do things that feel right to me and also feel right for my difficult child. Sometimes what feels right for my difficult child is not going to be what he wants or feel good to him. </p><p></p><p>So for example we kicked him out of the house when he was 18 because he blatantly was disobeying ALL or our rules, and they were very simple rules you would have with anyone you lived with. We kicked him out for our own safety and sanity but also because I dont believe that living in a house where you can disobey all rules was a good lesson for him to learn.. society does not work like that as he has since discovered!</p><p></p><p>However even though we kicked him out I stayed in touch with him and let him know I loved him.</p><p></p><p>That was 4 years ago and we have been on quite a road since then.... with many ups and downs and twists and turns but we still have a relationship. Sometimes it is better than others but it is still there. And I am learning more and more to let go and let him find his own path and he seems to be doing that, at least for the moment.</p><p></p><p>TL</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 635364, member: 15801"] I agree.... and that is why I think it is important to think about detachment with love. I doubt I will ever write my son completely off.... or decide to never have contact with him again. I could see potentially stopping contact for a period of time but I dont think I could ever cut the ties completely. I think I could do that with an abusive, addicted spouse... maybe not easily and it would take time but I think I could do that. Therein lies one difference for me... my son no matter what will always be my son and I will always love him. But I dont think detachment necessarily means cutting someone out of your life. To me it means setting limits and boundaries so that I am true to myself, do things that feel right to me and also feel right for my difficult child. Sometimes what feels right for my difficult child is not going to be what he wants or feel good to him. So for example we kicked him out of the house when he was 18 because he blatantly was disobeying ALL or our rules, and they were very simple rules you would have with anyone you lived with. We kicked him out for our own safety and sanity but also because I dont believe that living in a house where you can disobey all rules was a good lesson for him to learn.. society does not work like that as he has since discovered! However even though we kicked him out I stayed in touch with him and let him know I loved him. That was 4 years ago and we have been on quite a road since then.... with many ups and downs and twists and turns but we still have a relationship. Sometimes it is better than others but it is still there. And I am learning more and more to let go and let him find his own path and he seems to be doing that, at least for the moment. TL Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app [/QUOTE]
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