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Alien invasion.....
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<blockquote data-quote="dreamer" data-source="post: 124130" data-attributes="member: 1697"><p>Very hard spot to be in. HUgs to you, I am afraid I have little in way of helpful ideas. My oldest was in an ED BD classroom becuz it was the only place her school would put her, they did not seem to know w hat else to do, and my big fear was for similar reasons as you are now dealing with. (My dtr was the only girl in her class) When school decided to send her to alternative placement, the staff at the alternate placements all were concerned becuz my dtr had none of the behav issues the other kids at those schools have. THat is how I came to be homeschooling her, altho I was far too ill at the time myself, and my husband health needs were also so demanding on me at the time. </p><p>I have always wondered about this policy at day treatment about not socializing outside of it becuz yes, that was the policy when I went to day treatment myself in early 90s and also when husband went.....and it was also the policy in the ED BD class my oldest was in. I have wondered about it becuz ------it goes very much against human nature. No matter who you are, no matter where you are it is absolutely normal to want to "fit in" Life is very lonesome if you are in a situation where you do not fit in. To me it seems to be contradictory to tell someone ok go spend all this time here, but, don't concern yourself with wantning to fit in. I am not sure what message it sends to a child to have them be put into a group and tell them you have to be here, this is best for you, but then try to tell them, but hey, the people here around you are not the best people for you to be with. I thiink at every one of Buffys staffngs and every IEP meting I asked out loud, well how do we and how does she handle this? You surround her with other kids with "issues" yet you are wanting her to somehow magically become "normal" yet she has so little exposure to what it is you want her to be? </p><p>As an adult, I have left jobs becuz the groups of people at some jobs just did not match up with who I felt myself to be, their personal values were just far too different from my own. But a child does not usually have that option to leave and go elsewhere when it comes to school etc. THat leaves them with the coping method of doing what they can to fit in where they are. Ironically how often do we tell a difficult child "you need to comply with the social standards of where you are" We want them to fit in, fit into school, fit into being like a typical teen. and yet, do we really? </p><p>Sure peer pressure is hard in regular school. Peer pressure in ED BD class or day treatment must be much more difficult. Seems to me a child in ED BD or day treatment etc already has the feeling of not fitting in, by being in ED BD or day treatment. Seems to me they would feel even greater desperation to fit in somewhere. </p><p>My personal experience also was that the other kids in my dtrs ED BD class scared ME. ANd unfortunately.....a couple of the kids in my Buffys ED BD class did not take my Buffy not being their "friend" very well at all- and it led to some VERY difficult problems for our whole family for several years, even after we had Buffy out of that setting. </p><p>I do not know what the answers are, but, I do know it is a very difficult situation. Sending you hugs and sending kt hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dreamer, post: 124130, member: 1697"] Very hard spot to be in. HUgs to you, I am afraid I have little in way of helpful ideas. My oldest was in an ED BD classroom becuz it was the only place her school would put her, they did not seem to know w hat else to do, and my big fear was for similar reasons as you are now dealing with. (My dtr was the only girl in her class) When school decided to send her to alternative placement, the staff at the alternate placements all were concerned becuz my dtr had none of the behav issues the other kids at those schools have. THat is how I came to be homeschooling her, altho I was far too ill at the time myself, and my husband health needs were also so demanding on me at the time. I have always wondered about this policy at day treatment about not socializing outside of it becuz yes, that was the policy when I went to day treatment myself in early 90s and also when husband went.....and it was also the policy in the ED BD class my oldest was in. I have wondered about it becuz ------it goes very much against human nature. No matter who you are, no matter where you are it is absolutely normal to want to "fit in" Life is very lonesome if you are in a situation where you do not fit in. To me it seems to be contradictory to tell someone ok go spend all this time here, but, don't concern yourself with wantning to fit in. I am not sure what message it sends to a child to have them be put into a group and tell them you have to be here, this is best for you, but then try to tell them, but hey, the people here around you are not the best people for you to be with. I thiink at every one of Buffys staffngs and every IEP meting I asked out loud, well how do we and how does she handle this? You surround her with other kids with "issues" yet you are wanting her to somehow magically become "normal" yet she has so little exposure to what it is you want her to be? As an adult, I have left jobs becuz the groups of people at some jobs just did not match up with who I felt myself to be, their personal values were just far too different from my own. But a child does not usually have that option to leave and go elsewhere when it comes to school etc. THat leaves them with the coping method of doing what they can to fit in where they are. Ironically how often do we tell a difficult child "you need to comply with the social standards of where you are" We want them to fit in, fit into school, fit into being like a typical teen. and yet, do we really? Sure peer pressure is hard in regular school. Peer pressure in ED BD class or day treatment must be much more difficult. Seems to me a child in ED BD or day treatment etc already has the feeling of not fitting in, by being in ED BD or day treatment. Seems to me they would feel even greater desperation to fit in somewhere. My personal experience also was that the other kids in my dtrs ED BD class scared ME. ANd unfortunately.....a couple of the kids in my Buffys ED BD class did not take my Buffy not being their "friend" very well at all- and it led to some VERY difficult problems for our whole family for several years, even after we had Buffy out of that setting. I do not know what the answers are, but, I do know it is a very difficult situation. Sending you hugs and sending kt hugs. [/QUOTE]
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