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Alien invasion.....
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 124789" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I must admit, I invented a boyfriend to shut up the girls at school. We were fortunate enough to live far enough away, so we didn't cross paths socially. Then one of the bullies at school went around telling everyone about her passionate weekend with my "boyfriend" who told her he no longer liked me, he only wanted her.</p><p></p><p>I'm reluctant to advise you to suggest to kt that she makes stuff up to pretend to the other kids that she is worse than she really is - they have ways of working out who is bluffing. Also, such lies can come back to bite you, if you're not careful. But something easy child worked out with me - she would ask me in advance to forbid her to go to some party where she knew there would be under-age drinking or drug use. She would ask me to make a BIG fuss, to sound really angry when she was on the phone to her friends, so she could say that it wasn't HER not wanting to go. I once invented a grounding, to get her out of a party where there would be boys at a sleepover I had been prepared to let her go, for a few hours but not for the sleepover). She just didn't have the courage at the time to say no, in her own right.</p><p></p><p>I would be praising kt for her honesty and openness, but please, do believe her when she says the pressure to conform is too strong - it really is that bad. It is very hard for a girl who desperately wants to be 'normal', to fit in. Because in a lot of these groups, if you don't conform you are a social outcast.</p><p></p><p>My other daughter coped by making herself a social outcast and having a couple of other friends join her. The local boys were soon too scared to approach any of that small group, for fear of what they would do (easy child 2/difficult child 2 pretended to be a witch). Of course, it all rebounded on me, when my parenting was questioned by people at church, because I didn't instantly panic because my child had a reputation for dabbling in witchcraft. I chose to let my daughter cope in her own way and be a social outcast myself - I knew we were OK. And peer pressure continues into adulthood if you give into it at all. I can handle it, there are some people I would prefer to not emulate, especially when they label me as a heretic because I let my daughter watch "Charmed". I mean, really! (besides, if I'd tried to ban her, she would have gone and watched it somewhere else. By watching it in my presence I was able to critique it as we went, we talked about the validity of it as well as identifying holes in the story lines).</p><p></p><p>When it comes down to it, I am happy that my daughters have stayed in good communication with me and have not been swayed by either peer pressure, or by believing too much in their own superiority (a risk in 'dabbling' or pretending to dabble, as they were).</p><p></p><p>But it is hard, when you have to try to find a way through the social minefield of the teen years, and survive to be as sane as possible into your early adult years without also having to be a pariah.</p><p></p><p>All kids go through this. difficult children get it far worse. And difficult children who are stuck with other difficult children - oh cripes, not easy.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 124789, member: 1991"] I must admit, I invented a boyfriend to shut up the girls at school. We were fortunate enough to live far enough away, so we didn't cross paths socially. Then one of the bullies at school went around telling everyone about her passionate weekend with my "boyfriend" who told her he no longer liked me, he only wanted her. I'm reluctant to advise you to suggest to kt that she makes stuff up to pretend to the other kids that she is worse than she really is - they have ways of working out who is bluffing. Also, such lies can come back to bite you, if you're not careful. But something easy child worked out with me - she would ask me in advance to forbid her to go to some party where she knew there would be under-age drinking or drug use. She would ask me to make a BIG fuss, to sound really angry when she was on the phone to her friends, so she could say that it wasn't HER not wanting to go. I once invented a grounding, to get her out of a party where there would be boys at a sleepover I had been prepared to let her go, for a few hours but not for the sleepover). She just didn't have the courage at the time to say no, in her own right. I would be praising kt for her honesty and openness, but please, do believe her when she says the pressure to conform is too strong - it really is that bad. It is very hard for a girl who desperately wants to be 'normal', to fit in. Because in a lot of these groups, if you don't conform you are a social outcast. My other daughter coped by making herself a social outcast and having a couple of other friends join her. The local boys were soon too scared to approach any of that small group, for fear of what they would do (easy child 2/difficult child 2 pretended to be a witch). Of course, it all rebounded on me, when my parenting was questioned by people at church, because I didn't instantly panic because my child had a reputation for dabbling in witchcraft. I chose to let my daughter cope in her own way and be a social outcast myself - I knew we were OK. And peer pressure continues into adulthood if you give into it at all. I can handle it, there are some people I would prefer to not emulate, especially when they label me as a heretic because I let my daughter watch "Charmed". I mean, really! (besides, if I'd tried to ban her, she would have gone and watched it somewhere else. By watching it in my presence I was able to critique it as we went, we talked about the validity of it as well as identifying holes in the story lines). When it comes down to it, I am happy that my daughters have stayed in good communication with me and have not been swayed by either peer pressure, or by believing too much in their own superiority (a risk in 'dabbling' or pretending to dabble, as they were). But it is hard, when you have to try to find a way through the social minefield of the teen years, and survive to be as sane as possible into your early adult years without also having to be a pariah. All kids go through this. difficult children get it far worse. And difficult children who are stuck with other difficult children - oh cripes, not easy. Marg [/QUOTE]
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