alittle update...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by lovemysons, Sep 6, 2007.

  1. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Well, young difficult child graduated basic training on Aug 10th. My mother, husbands dad, myself husband and sister attended. Young difficult child is such a proud soldier...don't think I saw him in civilian clothes the whole 2 weeks he had leave.

    Young difficult child is now in Germany. I do have concerns. It would appear he has adopted the attitude that if he can fight and die for his country then he has every right to drink up a storm.

    When he first got out of basic and came home he attended one AA meeting. Said they were all whiney. Now he is in Germany and doesn't know what to do with himself if he is not out with the guys drinking after work. He said he may try and find an AA meeting (said this to husband on the phone).

    I am hopeful that young difficult child figures it out before it costs him some consequences. As all of us know, alcohol carries just as many dangers to himself and others. I think of Ant and so don't want young difficult child to be headed this direction.
    There are no excuses...young difficult child knows that his paternal grandmother died of her alcoholism last year, knows that I was raised without a dad because of his alcoholism and has been through his share of drug rehab, etc in the past as yall may remember from my early days here on the board.

    Meanwhile...Oldest difficult child was released to a halfway house a few weeks ago. While young difficult child was home we all drove down there to see him, he is outside of Galveston. I thought he would be released to a halfway house closer to home but the state changed plans on us. He seems to be adjusting there. Has been put in charge of the house and is speaking the AA lingo. Some of the attitudes he adopted in prison rehab seem to be going away too...which is good.
    husband talked to him on the phone Sunday and was trying to suggest that addicts don't have to attend AA the rest of their lives. I am staying out of it but will gladly take oldest difficult child to any AA meeting when he gets closer to home in a few months. husband has been sober for over 15, 16 years now...DRY is maybe a better words for it. husband doesn't believe in AA the way I do. I am going to try and mind my own while supporting what oldest difficult child wants to do.

    Oldest difficult child will be released from the halfway house sometime in November and will come to work for husband. He will not live at home.

    I miss you all and lurk often these days with a few responses here and there. I am very tired these days because of the medications I am now having to take. I may have mentioned in a previous post that I was hospitalized in February do to mania. I have been dxd with Bipolar and now take Abilify and lexapro. The abilify really slows me down but it keeps me even. I am not nearly as creative or poetic like in my tone. I don't write that often anymore either so that is why I don't have much to offer or say as I once did...lol, which may be a good thing as I was awfully wordy in the past as I recall.

    In any event...
    Young difficult child's wife is living with us and the crib arrived yesterday so she and I spent the day putting it together. Lil "Joey" already has enough clothes for his first year of life and now the crib, bedding etc is altogether. I wonder how my husband will manage with baby crys at night. M's room is right next to ours so this should be interesting, lol.

    This morning I called my mother to visit and found out M was over there having coffee with my mom. She is really fitting in nicely with our family. I do wonder how she and young difficult child's marriage will survive the next year or so of absence from one another.

    Enough from me for now. I care so deeply for so many people and their kiddos here. I know you all still think of me and mine too. Sorry I don't have as much to say or offer these days but I am thinking and praying for so many here.

    hugs and care from me to you.
    Tammy
     
  2. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Glad M is fitting into the family well. She is very lucky to have your support.

    I really hope young difficult child gets himself to AA meetings. Let him decide for himself if he needs them the rest of his life or not. That will come in time. The first few times after rehab my son had that same thought. Since his last relapse and trip to rehab and spending a year in a soberhouse, he has realizes that AA will always be a part of his life. That to me shows you when they are ready.

    As for your other difficult child, be glad he's in a house a little further away. Sometimes they need that distance. My son being far enough away in the soberhouse where we couldn't have daily contact was a blessing. That is what helped him to become independent and really learn how to care for himself.

    Everything will fall into place when they are ready for it to happen. I feel for you dealing with two difficult child's. My one nearly killed me :smile: I cannot imagine having two.
     
  3. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Hi Tammy,

    I don't really know you much, but I have a soft spot in my heart for the recovering difficult children. I will keep your sons in my prayers!
     
  4. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Thanks Karen and Big Bad Kitty.

    Yes Karen, my 2 difficult child's nearly killed me too!!! lol, for those who remember every other day was a nightmare for a few years. It has calmed down considerably which is one reason why my "breakdown" in Feb came as such a surprise to me and my family. There really has not been the kind of full blown drama there once was around our house in quite awhile.

    I belive in AA and hope both of my sons will "get with the program" or "stick with the program" in oldest difficult child's case.

    Thanks for the replys'.
    Tammy
     
  5. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    Tammy,
    you have been thru so many life changes. I am glad it sounds peaceful now. a new baby will be a joy, someone to meld the family together even more.
    When Kaleb was born, I actually assisted in the birth, his mom asked me to be there. I held her legs and yelled push. I ran to the other side and combed her hair, and rubbed her back. it was amazing.
    Kaleb has been here a lot since then. if his mom would have chosen to behave I would have kept her too.
    how is your daugher?
     
  6. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Hi Janet...I was just thinking of you (see your post on general). Yes...M has already asked me to be there when Joey is born. She wants it to be her mom and I...both the grandma's. I know how much you love your Kaleb, he is so blessed to have you as a grandma.

    easy child is fine...she just started 10th grade and is quite an independent young lady, though she did have me rush her to school yesterday morning when her alarm didn't go off and she over sleft...ooops.
    She is still bowling in tournaments and we went to Buffalo and Las Vegas for tournaments this past summer.
    She is back with her boyfriend that she had last year...I think they were together around 9 months the first time and now have been together alittle over a week this time. He is a senior in another school district. I like him but his family is not without issues. Mom is an alcoholic and anorexic. Dad does most of the driving and involvement with son.

    Can we NOT attract problems...lol. Even M's mother is Bipolar too...just like me. And then we go and reproduce!!! Funny family and so it continues.

    Thanks for asking Janet. You have such a big heart and you have always stayed close to mine. I have a feeling your Ant and my oldest difficult child would be great buds if they ever got together. I've always seen the likeness in them. I'm so hoping Ant pulls it together over time. Their experiences even in jail or prison can be positive...I truly believe that.

    Hang in there,
    your friend.
    Tammy
     
  7. Allan-Matlem

    Allan-Matlem Active Member

    Tammy,
    Mazal tov on the baby and the progress your family has made, life has its bumps in the road but the important thing is that we are going in the right direction. Back in the 50s, a prominent psychiatrist named Thomas Szasz characterized psychopathology as “problems in living.” Your family has gone though a lot and being severly tested, but you guys are coming through this Ok. May the successes protect you and them
    Allan
     
  8. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    It's good to see you Tammy. I don't respond or post a whole lot these days either. It seems that since January my health has just gone downhill and I am just too tired most of the time. I also don't have a whole lot to say anymore. Life with a difficult child has a way of just sucking all the "life" out of you. I'm glad to see that things are better for you these days. God bless.
     
  9. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    Hey LMS thanks for the sweet update! Good to see you here & I know exactly what you mean about just lurking & do a few replies here and there.

    Hope young difficult child sees the light, but truthfully I can't blame him too dang much for drinking in Germany... :redface:

    You sound like you are SO on the Right Track where oldest difficult child is concerned!! Mind your own, it's so hard for us to do, but try & keep it up! My own husband has also been sober now almost 19 years, no meetings for the last 12 years. He IS sober, and still does live by AA Principles, he just doesn't seem to 'need' meetings.

    I still go 2x a week for the most part, however I've 'taken the month off' here lately but do plan to head back. I need the people, you know?

    Anyhow thanks for letting us know how you are. You are right we do think of you & yours. Glad you have survived the journey!!

    Peace
     
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I don't see my earlier response. Ooops! Sometimes I forget to
    click "submit". Rest assured, I sent warm regards, my friend.
    DDD
     
  11. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    Always good to see you LMS. It's been a lonnnnnnnnnnng road for you as well as others, including myself :smile:

    Time has it's way of changing things. Some for the good and some, not so good.

    Glad you're still around lurking.

    {{{{sunny hugs}}}}
     
  12. KFld

    KFld New Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: DDD</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I don't see my earlier response. Ooops! Sometimes I forget to
    click "submit".
    DDD </div></div>

    Don't you just hate when that happens :smile:
     
  13. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I do. I do. I really really do! DDD
     
  14. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Thank you Allan, there have been successes along the way for sure, especially with young difficult child and I think too with my own parenting style. I really don't nag or worry the way I used to anymore...it never solved anything in fact, only made things worse I believe. Hope your family is doing well.

    Thanks Katmom, I'm sorry your not feeling well as you used to. Totally understand the lack of energy as I don't have the "get go" that I used to...sometimes I'm not sure if it's the medications or just being rundown from all the difficult child years. It's good to see you pop in though. Thanks for the blessings too. G-d bless you and yours.


    Ponygirl...Hi. Yes, Germany and beer kinda run hand in hand huh. I'm hoping to speak with young difficult child in the next hour and talk to him about it, see where his head is at now. I still consider young difficult child a success despite his drinking now. He knows better and I think he will look for other ways to occupy his time there soon. husband suggests he buy a gameboy next paycheck and hang out in the barracks.
    I haven't been to a meeting in at least 2 months. I probably need one, good reminders, good wisdom and good people. You're one of them. Thanks for caring. Stay well, hugs.

    DDD...My favorite board grandma/mamma, smile. It's always good to see you I hope today is a good one for you, you deserve a break from your stressors. Hugs and love, Tammy

    Hi Sunny, yes we've been through the ringer huh but still movin along. Hope things are good with you and your family. I'm glad we got to meet the one time at Julio's in Dallas. I get reminded of you when I go there. LMS hugs back to ya!

    Thanks for the caring responses. Yall are the best!!!
    love,
    Tammy
     
  15. TYLERFAN

    TYLERFAN New Member

    Great to see you Tammy:

    Sounds like things are really under control. Don't worry about Young difficult child, if he made it thru all the things the military puts you thru so far,.....I think he will be ok....or they will kick his butt!! :slap:
    Some people seem to be able to quit drugs or alcohol without the assistance of AA or NA.....I don't know why it is. Alot of the people I know who have done that, are successful, just like your husband.....and some need the reinforcement like our difficult child's. I am glad you decided to let them take responsibility for their own recovery. Just like you had to take responsibility for your own. :bravo:
    I think of you often and wish you well, my friend.

    Blessings,
    Melissa :angel:
     
  16. MrsMcNear46

    MrsMcNear46 New Member

    Tammy-

    Thanks for the update. Your family is always in my prayers and I thank you for always thinking of us too.

    Sounds like all your kiddos are in much better shape than in the past. You really went thru some tough times, but I am not at all surprised that you made it thru and leaned many lessons. I cannot cout the lessons I've learned from my Sweet Betsy. I just told her last nite, that I love her more today than I did yesterday. She asked, Even with all the trouble I caused you? Yes, Sweet Bets, even thru it all. It is and always will be unconditional. My girls also attract friends, etc. who have some sort of issue in their familes. They are rescuers. Not all bad.

    Lil Joey huh? After your Joseph? That is so nice. Sweet Betsy is naming her son Lincoln James, which I am not too crazy about. But it's her son, and she loves the name Lincoln. Her offical due date is next Wed., so I will be traveling to the Windy City andy day now. I am VERY excited and can' wait to hold my grandson.

    My blessings to all of you. Take care and keep in touch.

    Love,

    Julie
     
  17. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Thank you Melissa,
    Yes...the military will kick his butt if he messes up. I just talked to him a short while ago and he was so excited cause he earned himself a "last man standing" in PT exercises 4 day pass. He says he can combine a 4 day weekend with the 4 day pass he earned and come back to the states to visit us again soon. He also seems to think he will get an emergency leave pass when the baby arrives. I hear we are supposed to contact the red cross for arrangments. I can't wait to see what all the fuss is about being a grandma...I know how much you adore your lil J, I am sure he is wise beyond his years. They absorb so much more than we realize I think.
    Hugs and love to you and yours.

    Julie! The big day is almost here for you guys, how exciting. I can't wait to see your new Lincoln is here announcement on the board. Want all the details: hair color, eye color, who he looks like, etc. New babies are so beautiful.
    Yes, our lil Joey will be named after my Joseph and also a grandpa on Mom's side of the family. Joseph was delighted that his name continues, it's an honor. LOL, young difficult child was just glad he got to give the name before older difficult child had a baby and could give it. Always competing, geez you'd think it'd stop by now, but nope, brothers!
    I love the relationship you've always had with your sweet bets, even through the worst of times I could hear the love pouring out of you.
    Looking forward to your announcement thread, happy days, stay well my friend. Love, Tammy
     
  18. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    Good to hear your life is settling down. Hopefully older difficult child will be able to keep it together this time.

    I'm happy for young difficult child. The military seems to have been good for him. :thumbsup:

    Steph
     
  19. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Hi Steph, it's wonderful to hear from you. Yes, I hope oldest difficult child will keep it together this time too. husband and I are about to drive down to see him today, visitation tomorrow. We're taking a truck to him he will be phasing up on Tuesday and start working a job down there near the halfway house.

    The military seems to be a good fit for young difficult child. He loves being a soldier.

    I keep up with you and Sabrina here on the board...I enjoyed the pics you recently shared of your trip with boyfriend.
    Stay well ole buddy friend of mine. Thank you so much for your reply.
    Hugs and love,
    Tammy
     
  20. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member

    Tammy,

    It's wonderful to hear such an uplifting update. Yes, many of us have been on a looooong journey, haven't we? It sure sounds like your young difficult child is making better choices these days, and congrats on the grandma to be status too! I know it's hard detaching from oldest difficult child, but hopefully he'll make better choices as he moves along the road as well. All in all, it sounds like you and your family are in a much better place.

    Hugs to you and yours,
    Deb
     
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