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All good things come to an end....
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 677247" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>He is not exploitative. He will depend upon other people, but want to feel one hundred percent autonomous. He does not try to hurt other people, it is just the consequences of his unwillingness to let in others needs, and his egocentricity.</p><p></p><p>If this make sense: His intention is not to be hurtful. It is the consequences of his selfishness and self-centered attitude that hurts. It hurts me most of all because I suffer for both of us. For him and for me.</p><p></p><p>It is not so much I would want him to be appreciative. I would want him to "see" that life does not have to be so hard.</p><p></p><p>All he had to do to have a stable living and work situation, with good people, was to compromise with the Brazilian Dad about marijuana--the place he was at for 4 months.</p><p></p><p>My son has no understanding about loyalty or about protecting yourself by not biting the hand that feeds you. It frustrates me so much.</p><p></p><p>My son knows that he gave M, my Significant Other a black eye. He knows he called the police on us multiple times to get us arrested.</p><p></p><p>What is in his head? That he thinks he can say he is suicidal and I will pull out all of the stops to put my own welfare in jeopardy and that of my partner. And the cruelty of telling me he is suicidal but not where he is. He will not give me his cell phone number so I cannot have the police trace where he is. He calls me on a landline which does not have caller ID.</p><p></p><p>Tomorrow I will get caller ID so that I can have some recourse if this happens again. If he does this again I will call the police with his cellphone number. And I will refuse to speak with him again if he does not provide me the cellphone number. That alone is abusive. He sets up our relationship like a one way street. He has the control. I do not. I can choose whether I participate even to the extent that I pick up the phone. He can always call M, my significant other, on his cell phone. It is not that he will be cut off, if I choose not to pick up.</p><p></p><p>I am just so, so sad. So, so scared. While I know it does not matter one whit that I do not want to live out the rest of my life this way, I will say it anyway. I do not want to live out the whole rest of my life this way.</p><p></p><p>I never imagined that his growing up would be like this.</p><p></p><p>I am thinking that I will help him get an apartment here in my city if he does come back. I will not pay, but I will help him find an apartment so he can be stable. And we can go to social security again to request he get a payee. Because I do not see him making good enough decisions about choosing where to live, and reliably paying rent. Any help from me will have to come with the condition that he request a payee, and get involved with Mental Health.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 677247, member: 18958"] He is not exploitative. He will depend upon other people, but want to feel one hundred percent autonomous. He does not try to hurt other people, it is just the consequences of his unwillingness to let in others needs, and his egocentricity. If this make sense: His intention is not to be hurtful. It is the consequences of his selfishness and self-centered attitude that hurts. It hurts me most of all because I suffer for both of us. For him and for me. It is not so much I would want him to be appreciative. I would want him to "see" that life does not have to be so hard. All he had to do to have a stable living and work situation, with good people, was to compromise with the Brazilian Dad about marijuana--the place he was at for 4 months. My son has no understanding about loyalty or about protecting yourself by not biting the hand that feeds you. It frustrates me so much. My son knows that he gave M, my Significant Other a black eye. He knows he called the police on us multiple times to get us arrested. What is in his head? That he thinks he can say he is suicidal and I will pull out all of the stops to put my own welfare in jeopardy and that of my partner. And the cruelty of telling me he is suicidal but not where he is. He will not give me his cell phone number so I cannot have the police trace where he is. He calls me on a landline which does not have caller ID. Tomorrow I will get caller ID so that I can have some recourse if this happens again. If he does this again I will call the police with his cellphone number. And I will refuse to speak with him again if he does not provide me the cellphone number. That alone is abusive. He sets up our relationship like a one way street. He has the control. I do not. I can choose whether I participate even to the extent that I pick up the phone. He can always call M, my significant other, on his cell phone. It is not that he will be cut off, if I choose not to pick up. I am just so, so sad. So, so scared. While I know it does not matter one whit that I do not want to live out the rest of my life this way, I will say it anyway. I do not want to live out the whole rest of my life this way. I never imagined that his growing up would be like this. I am thinking that I will help him get an apartment here in my city if he does come back. I will not pay, but I will help him find an apartment so he can be stable. And we can go to social security again to request he get a payee. Because I do not see him making good enough decisions about choosing where to live, and reliably paying rent. Any help from me will have to come with the condition that he request a payee, and get involved with Mental Health. COPA [/QUOTE]
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