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ALL THIS - IT's at the least half my faul..I cannot see it any other way-I have tried
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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 472897" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>Oh, Dollphyn. I know you are hurting SO badly right now. We've all been there, wondering what we did to mess up our kid(s) so much, going over all the mistakes we made, all the times we did this or didn't do that, the "what ifs" and "if onlys." I certainly can pinpoint some things I did that were dead wrong with my kids and probably pointed them in the wrong direction. I have so many regrets, you just wouldn't believe it. Things I won't admit to anyone except myself, and maybe my therapist. But you know what? There's no way of knowing whether or not doing things differently would have resulted in a different outcome. There is NO way to know that. And rehashing over all of it, and heaping the guilt onto ourselves, doesn't help. I'm here to tell you after years of rehashing it myself, that it's pointless, and hanging onto that guilt will only cause you more pain than you're in now. Because in the end, what matters is what you do today, in this moment. You can't change the past, you can't control the future. You can only control what you do *now.* You have to let the past go, right or wrong. Grieve for what wasn't, and what isn't, but then move forward, don't let yourself dwell on things you can't change. There's a reason so many of us use the Serenity Prayer as a mantra:</p><p></p><p>God grant me the serenity </p><p>to accept the things I cannot change; </p><p>courage to change the things I can;</p><p>and wisdom to know the difference. </p><p></p><p>Even if you're not a religious person, there is peace to be found in saying that over and over to yourself. </p><p></p><p>Gentle hugs to you. Please forgive yourself. You deserve that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 472897, member: 1157"] Oh, Dollphyn. I know you are hurting SO badly right now. We've all been there, wondering what we did to mess up our kid(s) so much, going over all the mistakes we made, all the times we did this or didn't do that, the "what ifs" and "if onlys." I certainly can pinpoint some things I did that were dead wrong with my kids and probably pointed them in the wrong direction. I have so many regrets, you just wouldn't believe it. Things I won't admit to anyone except myself, and maybe my therapist. But you know what? There's no way of knowing whether or not doing things differently would have resulted in a different outcome. There is NO way to know that. And rehashing over all of it, and heaping the guilt onto ourselves, doesn't help. I'm here to tell you after years of rehashing it myself, that it's pointless, and hanging onto that guilt will only cause you more pain than you're in now. Because in the end, what matters is what you do today, in this moment. You can't change the past, you can't control the future. You can only control what you do *now.* You have to let the past go, right or wrong. Grieve for what wasn't, and what isn't, but then move forward, don't let yourself dwell on things you can't change. There's a reason so many of us use the Serenity Prayer as a mantra: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Even if you're not a religious person, there is peace to be found in saying that over and over to yourself. Gentle hugs to you. Please forgive yourself. You deserve that. [/QUOTE]
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ALL THIS - IT's at the least half my faul..I cannot see it any other way-I have tried
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