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ALL THIS - IT's at the least half my faul..I cannot see it any other way-I have tried
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 472939"><p>Dollphyn-you can't reason with a difficult child. You can't discuss things with them or set limits-because they turn the discission to blaming you. </p><p></p><p>So us reasonable, loving, caring mothers try to reason with ourselves --go around and around in circles and find reasons to blame ourselves. Why? Because we care & we want to fix things. And since difficult children refuse fixing-we turn our efforts to and blame ourselves.</p><p></p><p>I was an entitled, indulged, spoiled rotten teenager. I was given a sports car at 17 (totaled by my boyfriend at 19), my parents regularly issued punishments that I charmed my way out of, I was a prolific spender using my "for emergencies only" Amex to fund emergency mall shopping sprees when I was down. A solid C- student, I attended a $$$ college because they accepted me & my relieved parents were thrilled to pay the bill. Even today, I could call my mom and tell her I fell in love with a dress out of my price range and she would offer to buy it for me. (but I don't)</p><p></p><p>Regardless, I never missed a curfew, came home altered in any way, was never verbally nor physically disrespectful to my parents and I grew up. (college graduate ON THE DEANS LIST, married at 23, bought a house, worked in the same job for 23 years+) And while I know my mom would move heaven and earth for me-I would never ask unless it was a true emergency.</p><p></p><p>I have raised my 3 boys-- been the same "mom" to each of them - yet their temperments/behaviors are very different. 2 of them are very mellow and well behaved. So obviously mothers are not the magic ingredient that turn kids into difficult child</p><p></p><p>Don't buy into the self blame. Your difficult child is deflecting blame because he can't handle the truth and accept responsibility for his own failures. </p><p></p><p>STOP being so hard on yourself-- stay busy & do something fun. Get lost in movies on demand or hgtv for a few hours. </p><p></p><p>You want fault? Here : As a wonderful mother who loves her son unconditionally - you unwittingly enabled him to hold your love against you. That's nothing to feel guilty about. But you're not unwitting anymore. Stay strong dear friend. {{{hugs}}}</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 472939"] Dollphyn-you can't reason with a difficult child. You can't discuss things with them or set limits-because they turn the discission to blaming you. So us reasonable, loving, caring mothers try to reason with ourselves --go around and around in circles and find reasons to blame ourselves. Why? Because we care & we want to fix things. And since difficult children refuse fixing-we turn our efforts to and blame ourselves. I was an entitled, indulged, spoiled rotten teenager. I was given a sports car at 17 (totaled by my boyfriend at 19), my parents regularly issued punishments that I charmed my way out of, I was a prolific spender using my "for emergencies only" Amex to fund emergency mall shopping sprees when I was down. A solid C- student, I attended a $$$ college because they accepted me & my relieved parents were thrilled to pay the bill. Even today, I could call my mom and tell her I fell in love with a dress out of my price range and she would offer to buy it for me. (but I don't) Regardless, I never missed a curfew, came home altered in any way, was never verbally nor physically disrespectful to my parents and I grew up. (college graduate ON THE DEANS LIST, married at 23, bought a house, worked in the same job for 23 years+) And while I know my mom would move heaven and earth for me-I would never ask unless it was a true emergency. I have raised my 3 boys-- been the same "mom" to each of them - yet their temperments/behaviors are very different. 2 of them are very mellow and well behaved. So obviously mothers are not the magic ingredient that turn kids into difficult child Don't buy into the self blame. Your difficult child is deflecting blame because he can't handle the truth and accept responsibility for his own failures. STOP being so hard on yourself-- stay busy & do something fun. Get lost in movies on demand or hgtv for a few hours. You want fault? Here : As a wonderful mother who loves her son unconditionally - you unwittingly enabled him to hold your love against you. That's nothing to feel guilty about. But you're not unwitting anymore. Stay strong dear friend. {{{hugs}}} [/QUOTE]
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ALL THIS - IT's at the least half my faul..I cannot see it any other way-I have tried
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