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ALL THIS - IT's at the least half my faul..I cannot see it any other way-I have tried
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 473044"><p>Dollphyn,</p><p></p><p>Oh hugs... I know those of feelings of self blame, they are awful and really don't help anyone. Please find and go to an alanon meeting, hopefully a parents one. The first meeting I went to I came home and had the best night sleep I had had in a while. At the time my son was either in jail or had just gone to rehab. Why did I sleep better that night? Because I had sat in a room with a bunch of wonderful people who all had kids who were addicts. I could see they were really nice people and their kids problems were not their fault.... which meant, wait a minute maybe my difficult children problems are not all my fault either!!!! So take heart in the fact that many on this board are in a similar situation as you, have had Occupational Therapist (OT) kick our difficult children out of the house and we are nice people too!!!</p><p></p><p>I have gotten to a place most of the time where although I have regrets, and wished I had done some things differently, I know that I absolutely did the best I could. And as they say in alanon "You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it". That is so so true. Your son is an adult now and it really truly is up to him.</p><p></p><p>Sure you could have done some things differently but so could we all. Do you really think if you hadn't driven that 50 miles for that pair of shoes that he would have ended up differently? No he wouldn't have. Who knows you might be saying now "If only I had gotten him that pair of shoes"....</p><p></p><p>So try to stop 2nd guessing yourself because really it does no good. It is time to learn to live in the here and now and move on from here. Do what is right now. It is not too late to hold him accountable and to stop spoiling him. He is not too old to learn...</p><p></p><p>Hang in there.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 473044"] Dollphyn, Oh hugs... I know those of feelings of self blame, they are awful and really don't help anyone. Please find and go to an alanon meeting, hopefully a parents one. The first meeting I went to I came home and had the best night sleep I had had in a while. At the time my son was either in jail or had just gone to rehab. Why did I sleep better that night? Because I had sat in a room with a bunch of wonderful people who all had kids who were addicts. I could see they were really nice people and their kids problems were not their fault.... which meant, wait a minute maybe my difficult children problems are not all my fault either!!!! So take heart in the fact that many on this board are in a similar situation as you, have had Occupational Therapist (OT) kick our difficult children out of the house and we are nice people too!!! I have gotten to a place most of the time where although I have regrets, and wished I had done some things differently, I know that I absolutely did the best I could. And as they say in alanon "You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it". That is so so true. Your son is an adult now and it really truly is up to him. Sure you could have done some things differently but so could we all. Do you really think if you hadn't driven that 50 miles for that pair of shoes that he would have ended up differently? No he wouldn't have. Who knows you might be saying now "If only I had gotten him that pair of shoes".... So try to stop 2nd guessing yourself because really it does no good. It is time to learn to live in the here and now and move on from here. Do what is right now. It is not too late to hold him accountable and to stop spoiling him. He is not too old to learn... Hang in there. TL [/QUOTE]
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ALL THIS - IT's at the least half my faul..I cannot see it any other way-I have tried
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