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<blockquote data-quote="Carolita2" data-source="post: 671378" data-attributes="member: 19632"><p>Son's car has a blown head gasket..Too much money to be fixed..Son and girlfriend are very down..he has the flu..utilities are off in the apartment. With no car, they must leave most of their belongings behind when they vacate in 12 days. This is painful for them and us. there is a lot of grief that comes up for my husband and I. They were unable to get to soup kitchen..live in sprawling city, everything is miles apart and they were trying to get food stamps..Did I mention that we live on opposite coasts and haven't seen him in 2 years. It is so hard when they are in a weakened state and really down. Much easier when he is manipulative, angry and in his behaviors.</p><p>Truth is he is on suboxone.. and has been for several years, very low dose. It works well for him..He relapses once a year approximately, oddly enough in the summer, a week or two then back on track..but not really..he is never really on track, and is low functioning even off the heroin..same behavior..no work ethic, manipulative, loves to hike, enjoy nature, a little cooking, play guitars...like retirement in your thirties..so he will go homeless and struggle like hell, not even while not using or using illicitly.. </p><p>We blew it today and gave them a little money for food..I feel guilty writing this as it seems like mostly everyone is past this..Are you? Or do some of you sometimes have weak moments and do this stuff..we are only human..</p><p>We have done really hard things in the last couple of months..terminated lease, stopped paying bills...no contact at night, and limited contact during the day and often only a text..The drama trauma of talking to them is too much...</p><p>Started yoga again..have good friends that are reaching out and asking me to do enjoyable things..I am an artist as well and have produced very little work in the past year since we became involved in helping my son and his girlfriend. We have not been living our own lives...... a cardinal sign of codependency...and the exhaustion....</p><p>Planning to a trip to museum on Friday,,,keeping things in order, the house, the yard the other family members that we help out.</p><p>In my heart I know that all that is coming to pass, must be...why I am feeling guilty.......afraid that the message we worked so hard to send was negated by that one act today...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Carolita2, post: 671378, member: 19632"] Son's car has a blown head gasket..Too much money to be fixed..Son and girlfriend are very down..he has the flu..utilities are off in the apartment. With no car, they must leave most of their belongings behind when they vacate in 12 days. This is painful for them and us. there is a lot of grief that comes up for my husband and I. They were unable to get to soup kitchen..live in sprawling city, everything is miles apart and they were trying to get food stamps..Did I mention that we live on opposite coasts and haven't seen him in 2 years. It is so hard when they are in a weakened state and really down. Much easier when he is manipulative, angry and in his behaviors. Truth is he is on suboxone.. and has been for several years, very low dose. It works well for him..He relapses once a year approximately, oddly enough in the summer, a week or two then back on track..but not really..he is never really on track, and is low functioning even off the heroin..same behavior..no work ethic, manipulative, loves to hike, enjoy nature, a little cooking, play guitars...like retirement in your thirties..so he will go homeless and struggle like hell, not even while not using or using illicitly.. We blew it today and gave them a little money for food..I feel guilty writing this as it seems like mostly everyone is past this..Are you? Or do some of you sometimes have weak moments and do this stuff..we are only human.. We have done really hard things in the last couple of months..terminated lease, stopped paying bills...no contact at night, and limited contact during the day and often only a text..The drama trauma of talking to them is too much... Started yoga again..have good friends that are reaching out and asking me to do enjoyable things..I am an artist as well and have produced very little work in the past year since we became involved in helping my son and his girlfriend. We have not been living our own lives...... a cardinal sign of codependency...and the exhaustion.... Planning to a trip to museum on Friday,,,keeping things in order, the house, the yard the other family members that we help out. In my heart I know that all that is coming to pass, must be...why I am feeling guilty.......afraid that the message we worked so hard to send was negated by that one act today... [/QUOTE]
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