almost threw in the towel tonight

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by cboz, Jan 20, 2011.

  1. cboz

    cboz Guest

    I'm new here, so sharing some of this still feels weird, but you are truly the only people I have found who will understand, so here goes:

    difficult child went back to school yesterday (Wednesday) after a 3 day suspension for hitting 2 teachers. Had some real success at home (with 1-2-3 Magic) and we were feeling good about sending him back. This afternoon (Thursday) he had a complete meltdown, hit the principal, and ended up with a 5-day suspension! And he broke his glasses (I had just replaced the lenses last month). To boot, my husband and I are both teachers, so there's something particularly mortifying about all this hideous behavior.

    We are in the process of starting the IEP paperwork. Everyone at school knows he's a loose cannon; they just don't know how to handle it. My husband actually bought them the 1-2-3 Magic dvd, but it hasn't yet arrived.

    I really, truly had to talk myself out of killing myself tonight. I haven't ever been this low. I just hate this roller coaster with every fiber of my being. It kills me that nearly everyone gets a "normal" kid but me. In any case, I'm better now and have pulled myself together, so no need to worry or give me hotline numbers. I just had one of those moments when it all seemed entirely too much. Thanks for listening.
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there. Welcome to the board, but so sorry you have to be here. Believe me, many of us understand your feelings.

    If you want our s uggestions, it would be helpful to give us a bit more information. I have a few questions that can help us help you.

    1/Which kind of doctor diagnosed your child? Has he ever had a complete neuropsychologist evaluation? How old is he?

    2/Developmental: How was his early speech? Can he relate normally to his same age peers? How is his eye contact with strangers? Does he have any sensitivities to light, loud noise, crowds, textures of food or clothing? Does he freak out when he has to transition from one activity to another or can he let go of what he is doing and move on? How are his motor skills? Did he ever toe walk? Does he have any repetitive movements or noises like hand flapping, clapping, lip smacking, repeating words over and over again, twirling, head banging, anything?? Does he seem n ormal at times and "out of it" at other times?

    3/Are there any psychiatric disorders on either side of his genetic family tree? Remember, he is 50% of both of his biological parents, whether they are or are not in the picture.

    If you answer those questions we will get a better mini-view of your son. You may want to do a signature like I did below so that we can remember every time you post. Welcome again!
     
  3. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Have you tried Ross Greene's "The Explosive Child" and "Lost in School"? What type of doctors has/is he seeing? Has he been allergy tested? Evaluated by a neuropsychologist? Does he have an IEP? When did this start? How old is he now?

    We all have those moments. Sometimes several times a day. *HUGS*

    No one can mortify you faster than your own child, doesn't matter if they're difficult child or easy child; doesn't matter if you are, either. It's guaranteed to occur along the way, says so on the box.
     
  4. Chaosuncontained

    Chaosuncontained New Member

    I'm sorry. I had a temper tantrum today due to my frusterations. I think we have all been there. ((HUGS))
     
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Like many here I have spent many nights over the years thinking how wonderful it would be to run away. :choir:
    Don't feel guilty about it. We have been given an unexpected hard row to hoe.

    When you feel up to it share with us which experts you have used to identify difficult child's issues, genetic predispositions etc.
    Sometimes we can help. Although I'm not an educator I can understand why it is more difficult to have these terrible issues to cope with on your home field. Hugs. DDD
     
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    First of hugs! My husband and I are both teachers also so I understand. Does your difficult child attend the school where you teach? Our difficult child attended my husband's school during elementary years. I know it was difficult at times. How many total days has he been suspended already this year? They really need to get the iep in place and if it is more than 10 days do a Manifestation Determination. It also sounds like he needs a FBA and a then a BIP. I do agree with HaoZi about the Ross Greene books. Hoping tomorrow is a better day.
     
  7. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Cboz - glad you're feeling better. Raising a difficult child (or even a easy child on some days, LOL) can really bring us to our knees. Just take it a day at a time, or minute by minute on those really rotten days, and be *sure* to take care of yourself - a little TLC for Mom and Dad goes a long way.

    I think I can understand how (emotionally) it feels like you and husband, as teachers, should be able to send your little guy off to school and have him not have problems, but realistically, teachers aren't exempt from having children who struggle. We have a couple of parents who are teachers on the board right now. His meltdowns do *not* reflect on you as teachers, any more than they do on you as parents (though of course even us non-teacher parents have spent a good amt of time just cringing as we hear the reports of our little darlings' antics of the day).

    When did you request the evaluation for an IEP? Please remember that once the *request* has been submitted, the school is presumed to be aware that they are potentially dealing with- a student with a disability and the 10-day rule re: suspensions is in place. Since he's now racked up 8 days of suspensions, they've only got 2 more to go this school year before they must hold a manifestation determination hearing. Starting on suspended day 11, it's considered a change of placement and requires a new IEP. Pretty much, I'd say at this point they've guaranteed him an IEP just based on the fact that he has behaviors that are interfering with his ability to receive FAPE in LRE.

    Personally, with a kiddo so young, I'd fight the suspensions hard. Since the meltdowns are directly related to his "disability", suspending him is not going to be a deterrent. It's like thinking a time out will stop meltdowns. Our kids aren't wired that way. What the suspensions are doing, just in my humble opinion, is setting up a very negative and punitive environment at school for your kiddo. 7-1/2 is just way too young to set that kind of tone. The goal needs to be identifying why he's melting down, looking at positive interventions to hopefully avoid the meltdown, and finding tools he can use to learn to self-regulate (which is a bear of a task for any 7-1/2-year old, much less for a difficult child). It sounds like 1-2-3 is working well for you guys at home - it's imperative you get school staff on board. I'd ask not only for the multidisciplinary evaluation for the IEP, but also for a functional behavioral analysis so that you can get a good behavior management plan in place.

    It is mortifying at times having an out-of-control kiddo, I know. Just hang tough, get the school to join you guys in a good behavior management plan, and hang in there!!
     
  8. cboz

    cboz Guest

    1/Which kind of doctor diagnosed your child? Has he ever had a complete neuropsychologist evaluation? How old is he?

    He's 5-1/2. Two years ago, a psychologist who worked in conjunction with our pediatrician. She actually did a good job and we started him on Concerta & Prozac which did a great job controlling his moods and ability to attend. He improved in attitude by 100% and his attention span increased greatly.

    2/Developmental: How was his early speech? Can he relate normally to his same age peers? How is his eye contact with strangers? Does he have any sensitivities to light, loud noise, crowds, textures of food or clothing? Does he freak out when he has to transition from one activity to another or can he let go of what he is doing and move on? How are his motor skills? Did he ever toe walk? Does he have any repetitive movements or noises like hand flapping, clapping, lip smacking, repeating words over and over again, twirling, head banging, anything?? Does he seem n ormal at times and "out of it" at other times?

    Early speech was fine. Relates to his peers pretty well. Most kids think he's funny/zany. Eye contact is not good with others (better with kids than adults). He has NO sensitivies. He DOES freak out sometimes during transitions (better when medicated). Motor skills are good. No repetitive movements. Rarely seems "normal" - lives in his own world 95% of the time.

    3/Are there any psychiatric disorders on either side of his genetic family tree? Remember, he is 50% of both of his biological parents, whether they are or are not in the picture.


    We ARE his biological parents. This is the fault of genetics. I have tons of issues on my side in immediate and/or extended family (bi-polar, alcoholism, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), ADHD, autism, depression) and husband's side has acoholism and ADD.
     
  9. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi CBOZ! Boy do I know how you felt that night...I'm working my way out of it, but I'm famous for declaring that I'm quitting, moving to Borneo and sending back my evil twin to raise this pack of turkeys. It's sort of being pecked to death by ducks. It's not any one thing, it's that "pecking away" at your heart and soul. Ugh.

    Anyway, you haven't said how old your difficult child is. I would recommend that you get a full blown neuropsychologist done...with the background, some of the behaviors and some of his earlier things could put him in with the Aspergers crowd. Some kids on the spectrum have adverse reactions to stims, so if there's a chance that he has a "smattering" of it, it might be best to have it checked out.

    Glad to hear you're feeling better! I does feel weird at the beginning venting to a group of people that you don't know...but we don't judge - we just lend a shoulder or an ear and lots of experience! :Grouphug:

    Beth
     
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Welcome!

    I'm so sorry that you felt that everyone had a normal kid but you. Clearly, you have found a place where that is not true! :difficult child:

    Maybe you could talk to the dr about upping your Lexapro to 10 mg? I know how you feel--these kids not only drive you nuts, but they also have staying power. They can go on and on like it's no big deal, while we're on our last legs. It's amazing.

    Why did you change him from Concerta and Zoloft to Lexapro if the turnaround was 100%, and now he's not doing well at all?

    with-bipolar, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and autism in your family, you have a bunch of red flags. Wow. That's both good news and bad news ...
     
  11. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    HI

    all I can is I sympathise. been there done that got the t-shirt and have cried more nights than you can imagine. Actually you can imagine.

    I really recommend reading Ross Greene, and as a teacher I think you will particuarly enjoy his book Lost at School. I think so many of our kids problems are exacerbated by school reaction to their behavior.

    Are you really confident with your child psychiatrist? I say that only because we have seen much worse behavior after putting our children on anti depressants. For some it is no doubt a great medicine but for others it is a nightmare.

    I would work hard to find the very best neuropsychologist evaluation you can. Not the school district's !!! A good one takes about two full days or so. You have so many red flags that I think your child really needs the very best diagnosis and pscyho pharmacological approach you can find. That's not to say that there is anything horrible wrong but that are so many things that could be for which the treatment might be slightly different medication or behavior wise that it makes sense to sort it out.
     
  12. cboz

    cboz Guest

    I should've clarified this. The Concerta stopped working. It seemed, at the time, that the Prozac (not Zoloft) also seemed to because he was getting really angry all the time. So, we went through a series of trial and error medication changes. What he's on now seems to be about as good as it's going to get for the moment.
     
Loading...