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<blockquote data-quote="dashcat" data-source="post: 525486" data-attributes="member: 9175"><p>I have an ostrich for an X, so I know what it is like to have things undone buy a clueless, albiet well-meaning, parent. I know it is different because we are divorced, but my difficult child learned very quickly which parent will take her nonsence and which will not. It is her dad that she steals from, her dad's house where she drinks, and her dad who she asks for money. It's taken a long time, and it has been very, very hard, but those boundaries are now in place.</p><p></p><p>When he's out of town, you are in charge of your home. He isn't there to step in - whether it is to protect you, to suffer the consequences himself, or to interfere. </p><p></p><p>Try taking the follwoing steps to begin to set boundaries to protect yourself:</p><p></p><p>1. Get a safe deposit box off premises to secure small valuables. Hide the key (one of my favorite hiding places s in a bible ...she's not likely to look there! or taped to the back of a picture that's hanging on the wall) or give it to a friend or family member. </p><p></p><p>2. Buy only the food you and your son will eat ... even if this means going to the store every day. No reason to stock the cupboards for his "friends".</p><p></p><p>3. Tell your son that - effective NOW - friends must be out by 11:00 p.m. and cannot be in the house when you are not at home. You are absolutely within your rights to do this.</p><p></p><p>4. Proceed as many have suggested with him concerning employment and rent payment.</p><p></p><p>Most of us have learned the hard way that it is mighty hard to get control back once it has been relinquished to a difficult child, but it can be done. Start small and take babysteps, but do stay firm and strong.</p><p></p><p>Dash</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dashcat, post: 525486, member: 9175"] I have an ostrich for an X, so I know what it is like to have things undone buy a clueless, albiet well-meaning, parent. I know it is different because we are divorced, but my difficult child learned very quickly which parent will take her nonsence and which will not. It is her dad that she steals from, her dad's house where she drinks, and her dad who she asks for money. It's taken a long time, and it has been very, very hard, but those boundaries are now in place. When he's out of town, you are in charge of your home. He isn't there to step in - whether it is to protect you, to suffer the consequences himself, or to interfere. Try taking the follwoing steps to begin to set boundaries to protect yourself: 1. Get a safe deposit box off premises to secure small valuables. Hide the key (one of my favorite hiding places s in a bible ...she's not likely to look there! or taped to the back of a picture that's hanging on the wall) or give it to a friend or family member. 2. Buy only the food you and your son will eat ... even if this means going to the store every day. No reason to stock the cupboards for his "friends". 3. Tell your son that - effective NOW - friends must be out by 11:00 p.m. and cannot be in the house when you are not at home. You are absolutely within your rights to do this. 4. Proceed as many have suggested with him concerning employment and rent payment. Most of us have learned the hard way that it is mighty hard to get control back once it has been relinquished to a difficult child, but it can be done. Start small and take babysteps, but do stay firm and strong. Dash [/QUOTE]
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