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Also new - so glad I found this site
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 140445" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>Aw, hon, I can so relate to much of what you're saying -- the nice when something is wanted, the temper tantrum when she can't get her way, the blame on anyone else rather than admitting the fault is her actions. It so stinks!</p><p> </p><p>Not loving your child is hard. You feel guilty because you know you should love her. If a stranger were to say they didn't love their child, you'd wonder what was wrong with them. Yet, a part of you would understand that stranger and wonder what is wrong with you. The answer is simple -- even parents can only take so much abuse by their children. After awhile, we become numb. We don't hate them, we just shut down. If we're lucky, it's not permanent.</p><p> </p><p>For a time, I think I honestly did hate my child. However, it caused me to hate myself even more. I became a person I didn't like and I blamed her for this person. I had to find a way to accept the not liking my child with the love I had for my daughter. It took a good therapist to help me understand I loved my daughter but truly hated her behavior.</p><p> </p><p>Even at her worst, she did have some good qualities. I just had to force myself to see them. Keeping a binder of all the good I could remember over the years helped. She has smile that can melt a glacier, a generosity of spirit that is unmatched by anyone I've other met, a truly wicked sense of humor. Of course, when she's in the throes of being a small-spirited vile person, it is hard to remember those. I would randomly open the binder to find a "good" event. Those helped me remember what there was to love in her. For me, not loving her was just not tolerable probably because a part of me never quit loving her. </p><p> </p><p>I finally reached my breaking point and told mine she had to find another place to live. It makes me very sad and I know I'll miss her tremendously. However, I won't miss her drama, her laziness, her pettiness, her undying sense of entitlement. I'm hoping that we can get back the good in our relationship without all the battles. </p><p> </p><p>In the meantime, welcome! As you can tell, you're not alone. Maybe you'll get lucky and get your daughter back when she grows up a little more. I think that is the dream we all have and what keeps us going at times.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 140445, member: 3626"] Aw, hon, I can so relate to much of what you're saying -- the nice when something is wanted, the temper tantrum when she can't get her way, the blame on anyone else rather than admitting the fault is her actions. It so stinks! Not loving your child is hard. You feel guilty because you know you should love her. If a stranger were to say they didn't love their child, you'd wonder what was wrong with them. Yet, a part of you would understand that stranger and wonder what is wrong with you. The answer is simple -- even parents can only take so much abuse by their children. After awhile, we become numb. We don't hate them, we just shut down. If we're lucky, it's not permanent. For a time, I think I honestly did hate my child. However, it caused me to hate myself even more. I became a person I didn't like and I blamed her for this person. I had to find a way to accept the not liking my child with the love I had for my daughter. It took a good therapist to help me understand I loved my daughter but truly hated her behavior. Even at her worst, she did have some good qualities. I just had to force myself to see them. Keeping a binder of all the good I could remember over the years helped. She has smile that can melt a glacier, a generosity of spirit that is unmatched by anyone I've other met, a truly wicked sense of humor. Of course, when she's in the throes of being a small-spirited vile person, it is hard to remember those. I would randomly open the binder to find a "good" event. Those helped me remember what there was to love in her. For me, not loving her was just not tolerable probably because a part of me never quit loving her. I finally reached my breaking point and told mine she had to find another place to live. It makes me very sad and I know I'll miss her tremendously. However, I won't miss her drama, her laziness, her pettiness, her undying sense of entitlement. I'm hoping that we can get back the good in our relationship without all the battles. In the meantime, welcome! As you can tell, you're not alone. Maybe you'll get lucky and get your daughter back when she grows up a little more. I think that is the dream we all have and what keeps us going at times. [/QUOTE]
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