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Also new to site -- need help with relatives
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<blockquote data-quote="Shari" data-source="post: 112706" data-attributes="member: 1848"><p>Hi L4H.</p><p></p><p>Welcome to the board!</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry your family feels this way. It makes a hard situation even harder. But I think most of us here have at least some members of our family that can't accept the life that is ours. Not that it helps your situation, but take comfort that you aren't alone.</p><p></p><p>I don't suppose any of us have found the magic way to make our families understand. In fact, my husband was a long-time family friend before he and I married. He knew difficult child 1 before I did. I would often confide in him before we were married the difficulties of raising difficult child 1. When we married and he lived with difficult child 1 for a while, he said he always beleived me, but he never truly understood. And said nothing I could have ever said would have prepared him for what it was really like to live this life with difficult child. I always took that as an important lesson from the "outside".</p><p></p><p>My mother in law and my brother are like your sisters. I gave summaries of difficult child's evaluation reports to them (not complete, but enough to see that several experts saw the same things and it WASN'T parenting) and handouts outlining his diagnoses. My brother has a favorite story now about how difficult child doesn't "get it" sometimes, but the significance of it hasn't sunk in. mother in law, I think she tossed it all. I avoid mother in law and brother and I only get together when other family is around to mediate. Its not a good situation, but it works. This is the hand we're dealt, so we play it.</p><p></p><p>I have learned, tho, that family doesn't have diddly squat to do with blood types and DNA. Over the past few years, I've aquired a wonderful group of people that I refer to as family, and several of them aren't related to any of us. Go where you're loved. Sadly, DNA doesn't always equal unconditional love. Maybe they won't, maybe they can't, but regarldess the reason, you can't change them. </p><p></p><p>Its hard, its <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" />, and it hurts. My best advice is to keep the relationship, if you want, but on a very high level, and let go of further expectations. </p><p></p><p>Good luck and welcome!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Shari, post: 112706, member: 1848"] Hi L4H. Welcome to the board! I'm so sorry your family feels this way. It makes a hard situation even harder. But I think most of us here have at least some members of our family that can't accept the life that is ours. Not that it helps your situation, but take comfort that you aren't alone. I don't suppose any of us have found the magic way to make our families understand. In fact, my husband was a long-time family friend before he and I married. He knew difficult child 1 before I did. I would often confide in him before we were married the difficulties of raising difficult child 1. When we married and he lived with difficult child 1 for a while, he said he always beleived me, but he never truly understood. And said nothing I could have ever said would have prepared him for what it was really like to live this life with difficult child. I always took that as an important lesson from the "outside". My mother in law and my brother are like your sisters. I gave summaries of difficult child's evaluation reports to them (not complete, but enough to see that several experts saw the same things and it WASN'T parenting) and handouts outlining his diagnoses. My brother has a favorite story now about how difficult child doesn't "get it" sometimes, but the significance of it hasn't sunk in. mother in law, I think she tossed it all. I avoid mother in law and brother and I only get together when other family is around to mediate. Its not a good situation, but it works. This is the hand we're dealt, so we play it. I have learned, tho, that family doesn't have diddly squat to do with blood types and DNA. Over the past few years, I've aquired a wonderful group of people that I refer to as family, and several of them aren't related to any of us. Go where you're loved. Sadly, DNA doesn't always equal unconditional love. Maybe they won't, maybe they can't, but regarldess the reason, you can't change them. Its hard, its :censored:, and it hurts. My best advice is to keep the relationship, if you want, but on a very high level, and let go of further expectations. Good luck and welcome! [/QUOTE]
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