Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by joey, May 24, 2007.

  1. joey

    joey New Member

    I found this site 7 or 8 years ago. it was a life saver. my son had issues-diagnosis ADHD, Conduct Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety, Depression, ODD, just pick the day! He was on many medications over the years, Depakote, Adderal, Strattera, Wellbutrin, Zoloft, Zyrexa, etc, etc, etc.

    We spent 15 years in 'hell'. Constantly changing the medications, therapists, Special Education, juvenile hall, jail, etc. etc, etc.

    Around 18 or 19 he took himself off of all medications, unbenounced to me. he now tells me his childhood is a blur. He doesn't remember much of anything, good times or bad.

    He's now 23. He moved away from home just a couple of months ago, to a town a couple of hours away. he's living with his girlfriend of the last 5 years (don't know how that's going to play out), but he is doing 'okay'.

    His employment history was sketchy at best, 3 or 4 months on the job and he either quit or got fired. So I set him up with a satellite of my business, I sell flowers to florists, bought a second truck and he sells to the florists in the new town. he's been at this for 7 months or so, and loves it. There is something to be said for self-employment for these kids.

    as I read through the posts, it was like a trip down memory lane. those times were absolutely terrible. I know what you are going through. My son was in juvenile hall for assault with a deadly weapon (me the target), and he was in jail for assault with a deadly weapon (again, me the target).

    If i could pass on anything to all of you from my experience?
    A quote that I read here -"I am my child's best advocate, sometimes his only advocate". That has stuck with me through all the years.
    Don't be too trusting of the medication cocktails. If i had it to do over again? I would question more, be more resistant to more medications. I feel bad that my son doesn't remember his childhood. Don't get me wrong, he was out of control!

    If you take anything away from this post?, just remember that it can and will get better. These difficult child's can grow up to live productive lives, out of jail, out of the criminal justice system, it might just take them a little longer than the average duck.

    hugs to all of you,
  2. jamrobmic

    jamrobmic New Member

    Welcome back. I'm glad your son has turned his life around. The fact that he found honest work that he truly enjoys and is self-supporting gives me hope that my son could do so as well. husband and I have been joking that we need to start a business so we can keep difficult child employed. Maybe we need to really consider that.
  3. joey

    joey New Member

    sounds like you are in a very similar position to ours. the diagnoses seemed to change so often, who do you believe? we just have to trust our gut more, tough love doesn't seem to work for these kids.
  4. jamrobmic

    jamrobmic New Member

    I agree, although I started out thinking if we were tougher, difficult child would eventually see the light. I quickly found out that wasn't the case.
  5. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Thanks for the encouragment. I worry about my 16yo's future everyday, and sometimes cannot possibly see how he will ever be successful. I am with you on the medication thing too. The other day, my son and I were having a trip down memory lane, and he could not remember half of it. It deeply saddened me. I just hope that someday he will be able to sort this all out, and be able to be independent. I have thought a lot about having him part of my business as well someday, but at this point, I think he needs as much autonomy from me as possible.
    Thanks again for the support.
  6. Crazy-Steph

    Crazy-Steph New Member

    Thank you so much! My husband and I constantly worry that difficult child will not be able to hold a job or be a productive member of society. Thank you for giving me hope. We have tried tough love in regards to school. It didn't work, but then again nothing has worked!