Always feeling guilty

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tinamarie1, May 8, 2007.

  1. tinamarie1

    tinamarie1 Member

    I don't know why but I have this personality trait of feeling guilty for nearly everything. I dont know what in my background has made me this way. When I punish difficult child I am ok with it in the moment, but an hour or so later, I start to feel like I was too hard on him. husband and I even tell him we are sorry we got so angry. Trust me, us getting angry is not unwarranted....he gets sent to the office nearly every other day, lies, steals, hurts other kids, degrades them. This morning as I was packing my lunch, I could hear difficult child and easy child screaming at each other in the drive way. When I went to the door, I witness difficult child smack easy child on the head, she cries and hits him back. I call both of them out of the car, bring them inside and go off on them. There was then silence the whole way to school. And now I feel like a horrible mom for starting their day off bad. Some days (ok alot of days) I feel like I am a complete mess as a mother. I wonder if my parents ever felt guilt over punishing us as kids. They sure didn't seem like it and I never heard an "im sorry for beating the snot out of you".
    ugh, just my little vent for today.
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    For the record, your children ( not you! ) started their day off poorly. difficult child should not be hitting easy child. easy child should not be retaliating. You are not a complete mess of a mother, either. I think many of us second guess ourselves when it comes to our difficult children. I found it was most helpful for me to take a deep breath, then stop & think moment, before issuing a punishment or consequence. Those few moments buy me the time to think through what I want to achieve and I feel confident and less shaken by any ordeal. You've got to find your inner voice to parent your kids. They are both special & unique so what works for one won't necessarily work with the other. But most of all, I want to make sure you know that I think you are a good mother, that rises to the occasion every time to do the best you can for your children. Please don't be so hard on yourself.
  3. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    you sound like the old me. lol catholic school guilt I call it.
    I am learning to speak up for me more often. Until recently I was even apologizing when someone made me so mad and it was not even my fault...that I lost my temper and in a quiet voice asked them to forgive me for bringing out their bad side. I am sorry for everything it seems.

    up to I grew my self protective armour the other week. it is no fun getting down trodden. stick up for you. the boundaries book will give you a spine. by townsend and to borrow at the library. you have the right to your feelings. lol
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I too had a lot of the catholic school guilt-still do but not nearly as much as I used to-it takes self talk for me. Be gentle with yourself. Hugs.
  5. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Yep. I've gotten guilt down pat. Now, I think it's time for all of us to start forgiving ourselves. Easier said than done, but possible.

    In another thread you mentioned being angry a lot and wanting to detach. Beating yourself up with guilt can certainly play into those feelings.

    Sending good thoughts for a better day on Wednesday.