always frustrated

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by crzymomof4, Oct 18, 2007.

  1. crzymomof4

    crzymomof4 New Member

    Thank you to all who posted about my daughters hair issues.. I just want to add more things so maybe u all can help, sorry if this is so long.. D(6yr old son), K(7yr old daughter) were both adopted when they were 1 and 2. They have the same bmom but different bdads. Both drug affected and she drank too. Things were real good until K turned about 4 and D when he was about 4 too. Let me start with K: 1st of all she does not look mixed at all and neither does her hair, it is very very coarse and so thick that even though I do relax her hair it does not matter, no matter what I do with it she messes up, leave it down, half down, ponys or what.. She tears up her clothes, wont keep her shoes tied so we finally got velcro. Comes home with food on her clothes, remember this is daily, she gets in trouble in school and has to be taken out of the classroom. She seems to care about nothing and noone, its a fight to get her to do anything brush her teeth, wash her face, eat, wash in the shower( already got a call from school cuz she stinks, her choice right? I dont know anymore) None of it seems all that bad but when its all day everyday, its driving me crazy, she tears up her clothes the carpet all her toys, goes to the bathroom and gets into or steals dumb things. I could just go on and on, we dont dare let her out of eye site half the time. sometimes she will sit in her room and do nothing for hours.. and i mean nothing, or she will just brake things.. Im so frustrated with her,, please know i love my daughter with all my heart that is why i am here but sometimes i cant stand her.. she hates me for sure.. she always wants the negitive from me and will do what ever she has to to try and get it.. Please help me I dont know what to do anymore..i will post about my son later have to get my 3yr old down for a nap.. thank you all again
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Folks, this is a friend of mine. Please give her your mommy advice. I have given her all I know about and suggested she post here to get other ideas.
     
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    In some ways your difficult child so reminds me of my difficult child at that age. He needed constant supervision except when he was sleeping. He stole things to the point where we just had the teacher check his backpack in and out to him at night because then he couldn't hide things.

    The behavior is so constant and wearing that even though we love our children we don't always like them. It is very important to take care of you during all of this. I know that is easier said than done but it makes a HUGE difference.

    Does she have an IEP at school? Has she seen a child psychiatrist or neuro-psychologist?

    I am sorry you are dealing with all of this-glad you are here so we can offer support. Hugs.
     
  4. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    Hello crzymomof4! I'm sorry I don't have any ideas on the hair...I think there were a few good suggestions in an earlier post though. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone at all! My difficult child has to be in constant battle over EVERYTHING.....she lives off of the negative, enjoys tense reactions & will not accept "gentle" guidance very often. She would prefer to NEVER take a bath or brush her teeth (we still do this for her because she has some sort of disease that basically eats/discolors her teeth no matter how much brushing goes on~her top 4 teeth have been fake for years, we bathe her the best we can, trying to avoid her flooding the bathroom). Her Psychiatrist explained to us that she thrives off of everything being the "opposite/negative" (that explains the ODD)....almost like an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) person, but her "Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)" is what I call DESTRUCTION!LOL! If you open it, she closes it....if you straighten it up, she messes it up....you get the picture. Her eating habits are awful....messy, wipes everything on her clothes, reminds me of a baby in a highchair. Her hair is a mess all of the time from all of the food she gets in it, the constant "tightening" of the ponytail or the tossing & turning she does all night long. I'm like you....I could go on & on....I've been told by my family that I should write a book. The few things that you & I have described are only "a few" & I know that. I know you are looking for answers, I have been for years. The only answers I have so far are: I have been blessed with this difficult child for a reason, I haven't figured out why "yet" because my life has changed so drastically.....I put everything I have into trying to "help" & still feel like I don't make enough steps in the right direction. So, if you feel anything like I do....I'm sorry. But, I believe everything happens for a reason & all we can do is try our hardest to do the best we can! I wrote a book here, sorry....just wanted to let you know...it will be "OK".
     
  5. crzymomof4

    crzymomof4 New Member

    Thank you so much for the support. U can not imagine how i read these and just smile, not that i think its funny its just nice to hear storys like yours, that our like mine, instead of the perfect kids who had a sassy mouth about not getting a cookie after dinner today.. You know the ones u try to vent to and can not comprehend the drama that we go through.. Like today with the hair, the scratching the dresser, my son who peed in the garbage in the bathroom, and the tub and then broke the toliet and when u ask why all u get is a grin or "i dont know" or "i didnt do it". Thanks for taking the time just to write it does wonders for people like me.. u all might get real tired of me, so sorry if u do...and i ordered the explosive child book and cant wait to get it in about a week i hope..
    thanks again i love this site and all of u.. i really need this..
    Pam
     
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

  7. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Pam,

    Sweetie, please don't EVER think that by venting you would cause us to get tired of you. That is what this board is for.

    Can I make a suggestion? Scroll up, and under my stuff, click "my profile" and make a signature for yourself. We just got about 10 new people in one or 2 days and that helps us keep track.

    Let me throw one thing out at you, and remind you that on this board, take what works and throw out the rest. I have a friend with biracial identical twin girls. My friend is a single working mom, she also has an older son, and all three kids are pretty difficult child. To make things easier on herself, she keeps the girls' hair short. I mean short short. They have that beautiful mocha skin, pretty faces, and their hair is just curly enough, so they don't look silly at all. When it starts to look a little like a fro, they get it cut again. No hassles, no braids, no barrettes, no relaxers. The girls are 7.

    Just a thought!
     
  8. mekki

    mekki New Member

    I'm sooo glad I found this place yesterday!! Just reading your post has made me feel not so alone. Hope it's done the same for you!

    My son breaks everything!!! In fact, as we speak, I'm sitting in an apartment that looks like an abandoned building cuz all the windows are boarded up after his melee on Sunday!! We are also watching an old tv where everyone is green LOL because he destroyed my nice new telly! Meanwhile, he is in a foster home playing PS2 on a big screen tv, I've been told. He's awaiting placement in a residential facility.

    Cutting the girls hair short sounds like a good idea! I'm sure you can find someone to cut it in a cute style. Of course, she'll still be dirty, cuz that's what our kids do, isn't it :smile:
     
  9. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Given your kids' backgrounds, have you checked into possible fetal alcohol syndrome or effect? A fetus exposed to alcohol can have some very real and serious neurological damage. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) has some very pronounced physical characteristics. Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) has none and is very hard to diagnose. Both can be helped somewhat with medication and behavior modification. It is not easy and is definitely one of those long-haul illnesses. It does take a team and you'd probably have to get assistance from your adoption agency if Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) or Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) is a factor.

    I wish you the best.
     
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