Always Intimidating...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Sparkler, Apr 22, 2008.

  1. Sparkler

    Sparkler New Member

    Hi! My name is Melissa, and I am a mother of a 2 year old girl; four year old boy. I always feel kind of weird about joining new forums...kind of gives me the same feeling as signing my kids up for a new sport....."oh gawwwwwwddd, what if they don't like me!?!?" I need the support, therefore I am going to just hope that I get along with others here!!

    I am joining this forum, regarding my four year old son. My son starting walking at 8 months old. (when I say walking, I mean walking, running, skipping...and bouncing off walls like the ball we all just received in our preschool Easter baskets) At 10 months, he crawled out of his crib in the middle of the night, and woke me up while sipping on a bottle of ?epicac?..(not sure of the spelling, was something I got at a baby shower..that makes kids puke in case they ingest RAID or something) From there it started, and at this point he was my first child, and I had no reference as to what was typical. Obviously, we had to start incorporating child safety devices all over our home. These things were good for entertainment purposes for my son, it kept him occupyed for 2.5 minutes while learning how to bypass them. He then started to leave our house in the middle of the night....starting at age 2 it was easy at the young age to put difficult locks on the doors. However, most recently right before his 4th birthday, he woke up...turned my alarm off (apparently he knows the code from watching me) and proceeding to play outside...in the middle of the night. He started my car, to listen to the radio (suprised he didn't drive to McDonalds) and ran the battery completely down. I woke up at 5 a.m., to him having a blast playing outside. This is not isolated...there are many other times this has happened, at one point I had to lock him in his room at night. I once, accidentally locked myself in his room with him, while my daughter was still an infant. I tried like heck to get the door open, when I finally sat down on his bed to regroup. I heard my child's little voice say, "it's okay, Mommy...I got it open" My child had un-assembled the whole door in two minutes, I had spent 45 minutes trying to do myself.

    These stories are countless, but don't get me wrong. He is the most loving boy anyone can imagine!! (didn't get that from husband,lol) He is EXTREMELY social!!! I just can't talk to typical mom's anymore about his ordeals. I feel like something is wrong with this.... I have tried every sort of discipline (things that I said I would never do...nothing harmful; hang up the phone with CPS!!) I have called his pediatrician a million times, and they always give good advice, like "have you tried locking the doors!?!?!?!?" OMG!!!:biting:

    I really would like to hear that I am not alone....advice is fabulous!!! My children are in a two parent home, however.. my husband is a pilot, so most of the parenting is done by me.

    Thanks for letting me join your forum, sorry for the lengthy intro....

    Melissa
     
  2. Sunshine1966

    Sunshine1966 New Member

    You have found the right place! I'm sure that you will find comfort, support and encouragement on this site. Its amazing to have a place that you can vent your frustrations and talk about your situation and know that others understand where you are coming from.

    I almost felt a panic attack coming on just reading through your experiences! We have locks on a lot of doors around our house, some of which are useless at this point since difficult child is big enough to work them or get to them himself. There was one time that my husband locked me in our master bedroom and left for work - it was just out of habit to lock the lock on the outside of the door so that difficult child couldn't get into our room. I was stuck for 90 min but no harm was done. We subsequently changed the method of locking that room!

    Hope you find some peace in your experiences here on the site!

    Debbie
     
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Welcome Melissa...

    I hate to tell you this, but you are going to fit right in here! :rofl:

    I count myself as lucky that my difficult child has a slight fine motor delay because she couldn't make it outside during her night wanderings.

    Has your son been evaluated because of his behaviors? How about a sleep study?
     
  4. JulienSam

    JulienSam New Member

    Melissa -

    Welcome! Wow, your DS is quite the escape artist -- maybe he can put those skills to good use in a future career as a magician or locksmith?:D

    I had to laugh at the advice given by the pediatrician office... While I know it's possible for all of us to overlook the obvious answers, as parents with difficult child's, we have to be creative problem solvers, having usually tried all the obvious stuff first. Sometimes you just want to say to people, "well, duh, I've tried locking the doors!".

    Wish I had some advice, but I can at least offer a welcome!

    Julie
     
  5. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Hi Sparkler. Tiredmommy is right--you'll fit right in here. My difficult child's escapades included brushing his teeth in the toilet, dumping hot pepper into a glass of water to give to his toddler sister to drink, swigging almond extract, eating crayons whole (it was green), markering his chest Indian war paint style, writing words on every conceivable surface (once he wrote "Closed" on my kitchen wall--I wish), rubbing Vaseline into the carpet, etc, etc etc. I got to the point where I seriously didn't leave him alone even to go downstairs to switch a load of laundry.

    Kids with the mechanical skills you are describing in yours often have very high appitudes in the visual-spatial areas. Given how precocious he is, you might want to take a peek at Asperger's Syndrome and see if anything there rings a bell. I know you said he's very social but does he talk about typical 4 year old boy topics with peers and adults?
    http://www.aspergersyndrome.org/

    Is he reading?
     
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi. I was thinking Aspergers too. I'd take him to a neuropsychologist. He could really turn his talent to good use with the right interventions.
     
  7. Sparkler

    Sparkler New Member

    Wow, thanks for all of the responses. Feels like I found a comfort zone! My son has been tested for everything. The only thing they found was that he needed speech therapy, and has the cognitive understanding level of a 7.5 year old. They tell me things like..."well, he is simply too smart for his own good, and he is simply inquisitive" However, they never give me advice on how to discipline him, or how to keep him from getting really hurt.

    I should probably live a more structured life. I am a natural scatter-brain, and my house usually resembles a raid on an episode of cops!!

    My son hasn't left the house without me in months now, not sure if he is growing up... or it's because I came up with a horrible story that I am sure I will be paying a pychiatrist a ton of money for in a few years. I told my son that there is some "scary guy" outside at nite. Now he is always asking about the "scary guy" and his whereabouts....ahhhhhh, guilt!

    Thanks for the welcome y'all! I will spend some time this afternoon trying to get to know the forum better!
     
  8. Sparkler

    Sparkler New Member

    Will someone forgive my nebie-:redface:ness...and tell me what difficult child means? Thanks!
     
  9. Sparkler

    Sparkler New Member

    Thanks Tired!! Feels good to be with parents that I can relate to. Recently, at a playground, I met a parent that I thought for sure was going to be my next best friend. Her child seemed to have a lot of the same behaviors as my son. She advised me to go to a forum... and I was super excited that I would no longer feel so alone!!

    I had never heard of "indigo children" before, but after joining the forum, I realised that it reeeeallllly wasn't my thing. My son although "special" I am not sure he is telepathic, and has physic abilities.....put on this earth from a swarm of bees. To each his own, it just really wasn't what I was looking for.
     
  10. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Sparkler, what kind of diagnosticians have been involved? We ask because we see a lot of missed diagnoses here. Also, by way of FYI, the average age of a diagnoses for Asperger's is something like age 7 because it's often not picked up when they are young and social demands aren't great. We're not saying that's what he has of course, but we've learned from experience to question to be on the safe side when there are red flags and no diagnosis has been given.

    The reason I asked about reading is because if he was a precocious reader (especially if he was obsessive which equates to Hyperlexia) he may pay a lot more attention to written instructions as opposed to verbal instruction.
     
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Welcome Sparkler!

    I have to chuckle at your son's escapes and the pediatrician's advice. We once had a friend who was amazed when our son touched a hot stove after she told him not to.

    HER kids would never have touched the stove, or anything else that she said was unsafe. My difficult child (gift from god or difficult child)? At age almost 2 put his little hand on the burner THREE times, just to see if it was still hot. We had a gas stove, he was curious about how a stove with-o a flame could heat something.

    If he is a reader, and responds to things that are written, NEVER leave how to books around. The daycare we used when our 2nd child came along left a book out for the owner/handyman. Of course my son read it and then dissassembled the nap cots and was working on the plumbing. (And they were upset with US! WE warned them about tools, and why would they put a child in a cot with loose screws? We did have difficult child FIX the cot, they wanted us to buy a new one!)

    Our kids need special, very creative parents. But few of our kids were granted psychic abilities or whatever, at least mine wasn't.

    Hugs,

    Susie
     
  12. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I understand the safety concerns. I have a cousin who walked in his sleep and a few stories have put me on alarm. My difficult child (Gift From God) is a very deep sleeper. For some reason, I have the feeling that he may become a sleep walker. So, I encouraged him to come into our bedroom every time he wakes up. I am a sound sleeper but will sometimes wake up once someone steps into my bed room. I may be wrong, but I thought if I can get him to be in a habit of coming into my room from his room, maybe I can stop a sleep walking incident. Don't know that works though, however, can't count the mornings I woke to him being at the end of the bed and I never heard him get up.

    Have you tried putting bells on your doors? Loud enough that you will hear it at night if the bedroom door or outside door gets open? Would your difficult child enjoy a bicycle horn at the bedroom and outdoor doors to blow when coming or going? Maybe making a game of being loud when leaving the bedroom or house might help give a warning to you in the middle of the night? Say goodbye to your bedroom by shouting, "Goodbye bedroom, see you later."

    If your "scary guy" story is keeping him safe for now, I wouldn't worry about it. If your guilt gets too much or he is showing fear that "scary guy" can get in the house as easily as he can get out, just tell him you have heard that "scary guy" moved far far away an will never be back.
     
  13. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Welcome! Yes I think you will fit! Keep reading and posting... We didn't start being taken seriously, (we have been told to try spankings, better parenting etc!) Until K was just turning 5, I finally went into our new Pediatrician with a huge list of, symptoms,concerns, honest feelings about K, journaled behaviour... and then I sat there and "explained" in a nice semi-frantic way that, "We as a family were not 'living life' anymore" I flat out said, "I need help and my Daughter NEEDS help"
    I chronicled the behaviour modifications I had tried and used... anything I could think of. (I had not found this place yet!)
    But pediatrician finally listened... a little. At least she sent me for a Nuero-psychiatric evaluation. Which was the turning point for my family. It led to us understanding ourselves so much better and our children!
    We don't have all of the answers and my daughter K and N still have MANY issues! But I have some answers and I have this place!

    Keep posting...
     
Loading...