Always negative

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by flutterbee, Nov 17, 2008.

  1. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I think my difficult child has got to be one of the most negative people in the world - barring her father who she got it from. She's always been negative, this isn't a new thing. It's just that I'm with her 24/7 now and it's svcking the life out of me.

    She complains about everything, everything is stupid, she doesn't want to do it, and if I hear one more time that there is nothing to eat I'm going to explode. And when she doesn't want to do something - which is pretty much anything you ask of her unless you catch her on a good day - there is hell to pay. It's yelling and hostility and stomping and slamming.

    Then she cools off and it's like nothing ever happened. I know it's going to work that way, but WHY do we have to go through that whole process in the interim?? Why does she have to spend 2 hours complaining and moaning and being nasty about something before her mood COMPLETELY changes and everything is fine. And what can I do to make this any different?

    I'm ready to pull my hair out.
     
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Is she taking her medications?
    Is she now in therapy?

    in my humble opinion, those are the two most important interventions that need to happen to target her anxiety and depression. From my experience with my own kids, nothing changes until their mood is stabilized and then they can work on coping skills.
     
  3. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Wouldn't it be easier if they had a little thing on their back that you could remove and reprogram them? :faint:

    Of course she's not taking her medications. She knows mom's to sick to do much about it. Even on the medications, she was still always negative. It did help, but sometimes I think it's just part of her personality. Some of it anyway. Glass half empty. We are still working on finding a therapist that takes our insurance without a wait. Even though her primary is BC/BS, a lot of tdocs around here have quit taking it cause BC/BS cut their payments. I really do not want to go back through our mental health department. We were going to go to a place that would probably be perfect, but with it being an hour away and my health, I know I wouldn't be able to get her there every week. It doesn't matter how good it is if I can't get her there.
     
  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    If you can figure out how to deprogram them, let me know.

    Meanwhile, I am working on a mute button. I'll let you know how that goes.
     
  5. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I am telling you Heather..........it is that NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) combined with depression. It is a killer. The world is only black and white to the NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) kid, and if you have depression thrown in there, it is only black. Ugh.:mad:

    Kitty the mute button is a highly needed commodity for all difficult children. If you design it, please patent it immediately, and every warrior mom in the world will make you rich.;)
     
  6. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Doesn't all the negative just svck the light out of your soul? Ugh. That has to be one of my least favorite things to deal with.

    Wish I had some answers.
     
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I SO know what you mean. I am sorry she is so negative. heck, with Wiz he actually couldn't even HEAR anything positive. Even if we complimented him it didn't register. That was fun to deal with in therapy.

    There are going to be waits to get in just about anywhere. Call and get some appts set up that are in the future. You can make more calls when you can, and get on cancellation lists, but chances are that you will just ahve to wait a month or two.

    If you can, get yourself a pair of noise cancelling earphones. husband got me some over the summer because the kids were driving me nuts. They are pretty good, esp if the turmoil is in another room. Even with-o an audiobook or music going through them they are pretty good.

    Earplugs are also highly recommended. I think the foam kind are more comfortable, but there are a number of different kinds out there - and they are pretty inexpensive!

    Gentle gentle hugs
     
  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    When did Miss KT and Useless Boy move to your neck of the woods? I thought I was the only one who was stupid and had no food in the house.

    Kidding aside, Miss KT has finally gotten better, although there are days...but her father is so negative and so depressing to be around, he not only svcks the joy out of a room, he takes the light, the air, the energy...he's a human black hole.

    The early teenage years were he!! on earth around here, and it's only gotten better in last six months or so, and I don't know if she's actually maturing or if not living with me is the reason for the improvement.

    I've been looking for the mute button and/or the battery pack on this kid for years. If anyone's got a schematic, send it over.
     
  9. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I sometimes compare this to a water faucet with a seperate cold and hot handles. Remember the old bathroom sinks with two faucets and two handles. You couldn't get warm water unless you plugged the drain and ran water from both faucets?

    It's like our difficult children are those faucets - HOT - COLD - HOT - COLD at the drop of a pin with no warm water warning!

    Sharon
     
  10. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    Heather,

    I deal with the same constant negativity in my house too. I agree with you that some of it may just be her personality. difficult child 1 definitely has the glass half empty type personality too. I'm positive he got this trait from my mother - In fact, he reminds me of a younger, male version of my mother. :angry-very:

    My easy child, at 14 is now spewing lots of negativity too - With her, I don't think it's so much her personality as it is her age. I've given up on trying to get her to do just about anything around here. I use the "do to get" approach on her. Unfortunately, being as stubborn as she is at the moment, she rather go without many times rather than do what is asked of her.

    Your difficult child sounds like more of a combo of difficult child 1 and easy child with a bit more thrown into the mix... I wish I had some great advice. All I can say is BBK, HURRY UP AND MAKE THAT MUTE BUTTON!!!

    I think insurance svcks too!!! Tdocs for teens are so hard to find around here. Our insurance limits us to just a few tdocs in our area. The ones we can go to are so busy that my difficult children can't see them as often as necessary. There are tdocs who aren't fully licensed who have claims submitted under licensed tdocs' numbers by the office staff. And, appointments are given to us at the most inconvenient times. It isn't unusual to wait a good hour before being seen.

    Sorry I can't offer any useful advice. I hope today is a better day for you...WFEN
     
  11. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Heather,

    Hey, sorry i'm late to this. I just wanted to offer some support! It can be such a challenge when that negativity hits, you try to deal with it than they bounce back up again and your still left at the bottom of the negativity barrel.

    it is hard, very hard. Just wanted to say i feel what your saying! I wish you luck for a better day today. :)
     
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