am i a prude>?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by guest3, Jan 20, 2007.

  1. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    So this has been bugging me, we went to our new neighbors
     
  2. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Nope not a prude in my book. Both the Mom and the kid were doing something illegal. Not a good example to be setting. Technically if you were a mandatory reporter you wold be obligated to report this mother to DSS. -RM
     
  3. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    I toyed with the idea, but d/h said it was best to keep my mouth shut, as foster daughter looked like one to slash tires or worse.
     
  4. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    I am a single mom and when my kids were that age, not only would I have left, I probably would have given them a piece of my mind before I left (maybe I've given so many pieces of my mind away that that's why I have so little left!) Anyway, I see nothing "prudish" about having some common sense.
    You did good!
     
  5. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    I agree with you completely! If you're a prude, then so am I! What could these women possibly be thinking? What they were doing is completely illegal! And a foster parent here who was caught doing something like this would be out of "the system" so fast, their heads would be spinning, and their own children could be taken away if this were discovered!

    I don't know if it has anything to do with being a single parent though. I was a single parent for years, raising a teenage boy on my own, and I NEVER would have done something like this. My fine, upstanding brother though started offering my son alcohol from the time he was about 14, which infuriated me! We have many, many alcoholics on both sides of the family, including my son's father who has a very serious alcohol problem! My brother never seemed to get the message though, no matter how upset I got. He thought he was doing my son a favor ... he saw it as treating him like an "adult"!

    This sounds more to me like one of those parents who is so anxious for their children to like them and to think they are "cool" parents, so determined to be their childs' "friend", that they lose track of their better judgement! These ditzy people have no clue that their kids don't need a forty year old "friend"! They HAVE friends ... what they need are PARENTS who will exercise mature, responsible, adult judgement when it's called for ... not someone who turns themselves into a real horses' patoot by trying to party with the 17 year olds so they will LIKE them and be known as the "cool" parent!

    There was a story on TV recently about a couple who were charged with murder after one of their teenage children had a party! The parents were home, the kids were drinking, and one guest who left and was driving drunk caused an accident in which the other driver, also a teenager, was killed.
     
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    You are not a prude....and sadly I believe that parents who
    drink/smoke/party with their kids really contribute to the
    difficult child world. My teen was never allowed to visit a home unless
    I met/spoke with the superivising parent. After it became
    very obvious he had a s.a. problem, I found out that almost
    all of those polite parents with swore they were careful supervising parents smoked weed and smoked with the kids.

    Yikes. It's scarey! DDD
     
  7. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    Prude? I don't think so.
    There are reasons for the age of drinking is 21.
    So far, my difficult child and easy child problems don't have anything to
    do with legal or illegal substances.
    We are intolerant of underage drinking and drinking
    under the influence.
     
  8. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Nope, not a prude. I would have been offended by it. I can't even imagine doing that with my daughter. Though, I did allow her to have a bit of champaign at her cousin' wedding. She didn't understand what the big deal was.

    This coming from a woman who had her first alcoholic drink before she could talk. My Dad drank and thought nothing of me taking drinks and having sips of his beer, or wine. And sometimes I would really chug down. I loved having the first drink of his beer after he would open it. Sometimes, I was allowed to have my own. I did this through out my entire childhood and as a teenager.

    Though, I must say we never drank, and did shots, "together", if you know what I mean?

    And no, I'm not an alcoholic and only drink rarely. Like, when going out to dinner on occasion.

    I would agree that it is illegal what the Mom was doing and should have been reported. Though, having been the victim of retalitory vandalism, myself, I understand you hesitating to say anything.
     
  9. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I would have a huge problem with this. I have strong feelings about this and would not put myself in a position of being in a situation like this with her again.

    Nancy
     
  10. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Not in my mind. There are parents who will not only allow underage drinking but encourage it with incidents like the one you described.

    The parents are breaking the law; additionally putting their children at risk.

    Makes me sad that there is little common sense left in some parents - or just maybe very little self esteem & fight. Can't say which.

    Glad you got up & left.
     
  11. Sharon1974

    Sharon1974 New Member

    No, you are not a prude. Sometimes I think I am though. My kids are still little and I am always monitoring their activities. I have blocks on my television and use them always. JK is always complaining that I won't let him watch shows that his friends watch. Have you seen "The Kids Next Door"? It is not allowed on any television in my home. Some of the other parents think I am overprotective. Better to be overprotective then neglectful or stupid. This mother was both. She was putting not only her own children in harms way, but other people's as well. Her actions are illegal and if social services knew about it she would no longer be a foster mother.

    You keep up your (prudish?) good work!
     
  12. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    You are not a prude. You should take a stand against what you believe in.
    My difficult child was given alcohol at age 14 by one of his friend's mothers. (she was not a single mom) When I called to ask her about it, she said everyone was drinking and she was watching out for them.
    Hindsight I should have called the cops, I didn't. I became the uncool mom that you had to hide everything from.
    Watch your daughter around your new neighbors.
    i was a single mom for 11 years, it has nothing to do with being a single parent.
     
  13. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    They are too young to be drinking. When I drank underage, 8 million years ago, it certainly was not with my parents or even with anyone over 18!!

    I personally do not have a problem with my 19dd having a wine cooler or drink at a special occasion, within our home and supervision. However, I would never have encouraged her to drink ... and certainly doing shots with her is outrageous. I do not think you are a 'prude', just a prudent mom. Good for you for leaving!
     
  14. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I mean what's wrong with a shot or two of some high powered liquor if the Mom is there?? Then passing around a marijuana cigarette, and having the 15 yo. go to the convenient store to buy more beer with a fake ID., possibly crossing the center line and killing a father on his way home to his wife and three children, one of whom he just got off his cell phone with and promised to play tea party with the minute he got home from work.

    That happened here, in SC and the woman allowed three teenage children to drink shots at her home, leave for more illegal beer with an illegal id (They never made it) and they killed that man.

    Two weeks later another single mother had kids over and bought the liquor for teens. Upon leaving the party "Okay to drive" The boys flipped a 3/4 ton truck rolled at least a dozen times front over tailgate, skidded and hit a tree and were all dead at the scene.

    The woman in the first case told the judge ON TV..."Well I didn't want to be a PRUDE." They put the truck in front of Lexington High School on 378 and for the life of me I could not tell it was a truck. For 3 days people set flowers out on the corner and stood crying. It was an awful sight, an awful thought and it happens MORE OFTEN than anyone thinks.

    There are reasons there are laws. The woman has the brains of a gnat. Stay away from her. She's not being a good mom and there are a LOT of great single parents out there. She is NOT one of them, she wants to be the buddy, not the Mom. Shame SHAME.

    Star
     
  15. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Definitely not a prude-I would have been very uncomfortable and would have made an excuse to leave as soon as possible. My upbringing was a lot like Linda's. My dad would let us have a sip of beer when young and once in a great while a small glass. I rarely drink now-although do have an occassional beer, wine, or margherita-sometimes I'll go months with none at all. husband doesn't drink at all. So far easy child thinks the idea of drinking alcohol is gross-I hope she keeps that up.
     
  16. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    No, I don't think that "alot of single moms want to be drinking friends with their kids".

    I am a single mom. I would never consider doing something like that.
    I know married people who do allow their children to do things like that.

    I really hate all the assumptions people make about single mothers. I really hate the comments you made to generalize about single mothers as well.

    Do you really think you are such a better parent because you are married and I'm not?
    Have you stopped to think that it might even take an even stronger single parent to deal with a difficult child? I don't have anyone's shoulder to cry on. I make a living on my own and have sole custody of my daughter. I have a 4 bedroom home that I purchased on my own. Could you handle all of that on your own? Until you can, you shouldn't make assumptions about something you know nothing of.

    Steph
     
  17. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    One point to make- in some states EVERYONE is a "mandated reporter"- not just docs/teachers/police etc.

    2nd- what is the reason the foster child has been placed in a foster home? I highly doubt the reason for being in a foster home has anything to do with FACILITATING drinking alcoholic beverages.
    Yes, here at the moment, where I live, there are currently several cases in court of parents being tried in court for underage kids drinking in their homes- whether the adults were aware of the drinking or not. and yes, too many of those incidents did also involve traumatic events- car accidents when kids left, alcohol poisoning, etc.

    There is such a long list of possible legal charges that could be filed against that mother. And rightly so.

    No, I do not consider myself a prude by any stretch of the imagination, but- I would be appalled to witness such a thing.
    I also would have to wonder what other things does this mom permit or condone or close her eyes to?
    ANd how many other foster kids has she had or will she get in the future and what will she decide is acceptable with those foster kids?
     
  18. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

  19. Sara PA

    Sara PA New Member

    I have no problem accepting the "prude" label when it applies. It doesn't apply here. I have allowed my son to drink alcohol in my home before he was 21. He could have a glass of wine or beer, a taste of liquor if he wanted. He rarely wanted. But I would NEVER have allowed drinking shots let alone doing them with him. My job is to teach responsible consumption of alcohol, not how to abuse it.

    I don't know who placed the foster child with that woman, but if anything were to happen to that child because the mother allowed her to drink -- especially in a manner associated with getting drunk -- that agency could be in a world of hurt lawsuit-wise. And the mother herself should expect criminal and civil action against her.

    Can you imagine having your child in a foster home and then find out that the foster mother was doing shots with her!
     
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