Am I being a mean mom?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by gcvmom, Oct 23, 2009.

  1. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    None of the kids wanted to go with husband and I to get a bite to eat tonight. Didn't like where we were going. Said they would make Spaghettios or mac and cheese or something else that's easy and they know how to make.


    We came back and difficult child 2 had fed himself as had easy child. difficult child 1, on the other hand, had opted to play computer games the entire time we were gone. And then when I told him that his time was up, he decided to watch TV.

    Finally, at 9:45pm he decides he wants to eat. And he wants ME to make him something. I told him no, that it was too late and he was on his own.

    So now he's ticked and stomping around and slamming doors (probably because he's hungry, too).

    Now I'm being accused of just not caring. He may be right! Especially when he throws a fit like this.

    And to make matters worse, I wouldn't allow him to cook an entire box of pierogies for himself. difficult child 2 was upset that difficult child 1 would eat all of them and he said he wanted some for tomorrow, too. I told him I didn't think it was too healthy for him to devour an entire box in one sitting -- especially with his Crohn's issues -- it sets him up for too much in the pipeline. That did not go over too well with him.

    Lots of infantile behaviors tonight. Not sure why, but not very pleased about it.
  2. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Well, if you're mean, then I am, too. He's a big boy, perfectly capable of scrambling an egg or something like that. Miss KT was probably around 10 when I made the statement that if she didn't like dinner, she could fix something herself. Sounds like difficult child 2 and easy child handled things very well!
  3. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    I was an extremely picky eater. If I did'nt like what was on the menu, well...there were always PBJ and tuna salad.

    To this day, I don't much like either, LoL (I think I ate too much of them as a kid)
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Naw, you're not mean. Not your fault he goofed around with video games and tv until his stomach demanded he pay attention to it. (I'm guessing that's some of the behavior you're seeing)

    Mean is sending him off to bed with nothing. Which is what I've done under similar circumstances. lol Meal time is meal time around here, always was. If you didn't get it then.....too bad so sad, kitchen was closed.
  5. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    I'm old school. You eat when we eat. If you don't want to, fine...but you're not cooking later, let alone ME cooking for you when it's convenient for you.

    That being said, I am enjoying being a random eater these days. I can go a couple of days and not eat basically much. Then...the train comes in and I eat like a horse, but I never complain or ask someone to make something for me. Unfortunately, the train has been docked for a good week or so and I'm showing the consequences of 10lbs.

    You're not being a bad mom.

  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Uh, no. He had THREE options, if you think about it. Either go with you to dinner, stay home and make something for his dinner, or when he was done diddling around, make something for himself.

    He is 15. You had already eaten and the kitchen (in my house) is closed after dinner. If he has the use of both hands to play video games, then he has the use of both hands to feed himself.

    In fact, I think it was very nervy for him to expect you to make him something - what, do you eat, breath and sleep to make him comfortable? If my kid were that demanding at that hour after diddling all evening, I think I would have even been inclined to offer him a bowl of cereal and if he didn't want that, then he can wait till morning.

    Mean? No way! My mother would have said, "Tough XXXX" and turned back to her book if we had asked her to fix us something to eat at 9:45PM!! But then again, we wouldn't have dared ask! Move on and let him stew.
  7. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I'm with everyone else. He's a big boy...there's food in the kitche that he's capable of making. Tough cookies if he didn't get to eat. It's his own fault.
  8. ML

    ML Guest

    Mean is code for "you're not giving me what I want". So, to him, sure you are. But to us, you're doing your mom job. Hugs.
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911

    My exhaling & passing reply - ammended for your situation.

    Don't you realize there are already so many people in the world who aggrivate me without you putting in so much effort to be another?

    HAVE A BOWL OF CHEERIOS and call it a night. :surprise:
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I don't cook twice, even if it's boiling an egg. He's old enough to make something himself and wash the dishes afterward too. So guess I'm also mean.
  11. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Nope, not mean.
  12. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Okay, I sort of meant that as a rhetorical question :D Thank you all so much for affirming my maternal righteousness -- it is awesome!

    difficult child 1 has just been SOOOOO full of himself lately. He's going to be learning some hard lessons with me it seems.

    So does this testosterone-mediated warp of perception (aka self-centeredness) peak at, what? Fifteen? Seventeen? Forty-five? How long must I keep my teeth clenched and hold my breath?
  13. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I don't know. With my son it peeked at 13-14. By the time he was 15, I liked him again.
  14. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Still waiting for that to come to pass with my difficult child, and he'll be 20 in a couple of weeks.

    For the record, I don't think you're being mean either. In my house, once the kitchen is closed for the night, anyone who's hungry had better eat only something that doesn't require dishes, or very quietly do any dishes they dirty so as not to disturb me. My difficult child would have had to make do with an apple.
  15. Star*

    Star* call 911

    How long do I hold my breath?

    -When I am blue?

    I take a breath.
  16. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Who says it' s limited to testosterone-mediated warp perception? Girls are like this too!!! LOL
  17. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    At 15 years old, he is old enough to figure this out. You're not being mean, you're being a mom. He just hasn't quite figured out yet that "Mom" does not equal "Maid". One day, hopefully, he will figure out that "wife" doesn't equal "maid", either.
  18. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    First of all, you're not being mean. I remember telling mine that if you can't feed yourself at that age, you are entitled to go hungry and, no, I really don't care.

    As for how long it lasts: My older difficult child began to get some sense when he hit 21; he's 25 now and I enjoy being around him (quite a statement for those of you who remember what he was like at his height of difficult child-ness!). They younger difficult child is 22 1/2 and he still doesn't get it but at least it is wife now that has to put up with him instead of me. And I know a few people who are OLD (60+++) who never did get it. All you can do is stand firm and hope it sinks in before you get to tired to fight it anymore.
  19. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    Wow, my Mom must have been the Wicked Witch of the Midwest!

    Yeah, I know how this is. Jett will play games then about 10 minutes before bedtime announce he's hungry. This especially happens when he didn't like dinner and took forever to eat. He HAS to finish what is on his plate. We don't give him much when we have something new.

    He doesn't get to eat that late. My response is... Sorry... You chose to play games instead of eat. So don't cry to me that you're hungry.

    Onyxx on the other hand will dig in the cupboard at 11 PM. I can't stop her. But I swear, if she EVER eats an entire tub of German Chocolate Cake frosting again, WITHOUT ASKING... You wanna talk MEAN?! I'll padlock the entire kitchen.
  20. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Here's a story (and it may be a clue as to why some boys/men feel they are entitled to being waited on):

    A few years ago my family all convened at my mom and her h's cabin to install new siding and a roof. On the second morning, my mom had pulled eggs, rolls and peppers and onions from the fridge and asked me to make up some omelets. I thought she meant platter style. As I was cooking up the eggs, peppers, onions and cheese, she was slicing up the rolls. I put all the eggs on a platter and turned to her to grab the rolls, which I thought would also be on a platter and she looked at me like I had four heads. I asked, "Mom, don't you think they'd like to, or can, fix their own egg sandwiches?" and she literally was biting her tongue and then yelled at me "NO! Fix them their sanwiches!!". When I asked "Why can't they fix their own?" she became so apoplectic that she finally screamed, "BECAUSE THEY'RE MEN!! NOW DO IT!!" I did it, but not without adding, "Mom, they're men, but they're not retarded. Yeesh~"

    LOL. To this day H will sometimes try and weasel out of something by claiming his manliness prevents him from doing it, from making a meal to scrubbing the tub. It's all in fun, but sometimes I