As some of you may remember, I live near one of my 3 sisters and she happens to be a bit loco. I call her loco-sister (sort of like a nickname for Local Sister as opposed to those who live over 6-10 hours away). On Thanksgiving, we're all convening at my brother's home on LI...there will be 30 of us total. This past Saturday night, my H who worked with locosister's son told me my other nephew from 12 hours away is arriving at locosister's house before heading to NYC and then my brother's on Thursday. I hadn't heard anything. They never said anything, no email nothing, and my loco sister never said anything either - this is very much like her. So, Sunday I have chores to do around the house, etc., no phone call. I eventually leave the house to run errands and get my brother a gift and when I return, nothing, no phone calls. We make and eat dinner, and it's about 6:40PM and the phone call comes from loco sister. She said, "Hey, x & x are here and they rolled in at about 4AM, we went on a really long hike today and we're all really really tired, but I just made a pot of coffee - there's no dessert - and was wondering if you want to come have some coffee so you can say hello." Some invite, huh? I said we were just finishing dinner ourselves, that H had worked both Sat/Sun, I was beat and that if I had known ahead of time...." and she responded, "Well, they didn't really say anything, I don't know, maybe they just wanted to come and hang out here before going into the city Monday. There was nothing conspirational going on; I only found out the day before." To which I said, "I never said there was anything conspirational going on. I just said I wish I had known. I don't know - I will call you back" but then I never did. I finished my usual readiness for the week stuff and showerd and eventually went to bed around 11PM. They never called back either. I find it hurtful that I live less than 5 mins from my sister and my nephew & his wife, who I've been very kind to and I thought close to forever (they are 41), could be so thoughtless. Likewise, since this is my sister's MO, I am not surprised by her behavior, but you'd think that maybe she would have asked H and I if we would have joined them on the hike. This is not the first time this scenario has played out with loco sister - never anyone else. If I had family coming in and didn't tell her way ahead of time, say in the planning stages before anything was finalized even, she'd flip out. But she does this all the time. I was thinking about it last night off and on...and I think I am a fairly thoughtful person. When I have family over, I always go out of my way to make it pleasant, serve home made foods that everyone can enjoy. For instance, I am making my brother's birthday cake for Thanksgiving. Three people in our family have celiac disease. Instead of making a regular cake, I'm making a girlfriend cake so they can enjoy it. I always ALWAYS make sure I have girlfriend foods and treats for loco sister and her daughter at my house. And it's not just that, but if I see something I know a friend or my sister would love and it's not a million bucks, I will pick it up for them. I call or email for birthdays. I always try to be as accommodating as I can be. I just really feel invisible. I feel like my own family doesn't even know me or care about me unless it's a tragic emergency - they aren't there for me. And the kicker is that loco sister is so phony and everyone just thinks she is so great and funny and exciting but in real life (when no one is around) she's actually quite a b***h. Seriously. She's mean spirited and says whatever she wants without a care for how it hurts others, whether it's me, H or her own kids and H. This is the sister I had to go to counseling to learn how to detach from (which eventually helped me with difficult child) a few years ago. I've done so well with it but every once in a while, something like this will happen and it just GRATES on my very last nerve. Now I have to go to the family Thanksgiving. I've even changed my plans a bit - I was staying over, but now we're driving home Thursday evening. And on the Saturday following Thanksgiving, all the women in the family are going to a workshop and now I don't want to do it at all. Just the thought of being with loco sister in all her phoniness is nerve wracking. And then, to make matters worse, the women in the family are planning a trip to the city in December before Christmas and I REALLY don't want to go to that because the plan is for me to drive with loco sister. Ugh - just stick pins in my eyes! I'm going to back out of that and give my oldest sister the money she invested in the trip anyway, it will be a $50 loss (for a show). But it's too much togetherness for me. I shouldn't have said yes to begin with. I would probably spend money I don't have in NYC right before Christmas. I'd rather go with my family after Christmas anyway.