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Am i being unreasonable?
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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 754080" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Skittles,</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry you find yourself here again but welcome back.</p><p></p><p>I agree with just about everything posted here already. Great advice and discernment on the situation.</p><p></p><p>You poor thing. You have been so used to this kind of treatment that you can't see the forest through the trees anymore. I've been there so I understand completely. When I read your story all I hear is "enabling, enabling, enabling". I'm an expert so it qualifies me to see this in others now <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> </p><p></p><p>Your situation is different but similar to when I was married to my verbally abusive alcoholic husband for 30 yrs. It's progressive. No one in their right mind would jump into a situation like this so I understand how it evolved with baby no. 1, no. 2 etc. Perhaps, your guilt over your sons inability to step in as a father, since he was in jail put you in the "FOG" (fear, obligation & guilt). I've been there. You have to remember you are not the parent and you can't try to be the parent your son should have been.</p><p></p><p>I feel that you should stop enabling your ex- daughter-in-law. She has grown accustomed to you rescuing her and her kids. Enabling, as someone else mentioned is doing for others what they can do for themselves. Ex-DOL will have to figure things out and honestly she needs to make choices too for the best interest of her children. This new boyfriend is trouble and I would most definitely keep your boundaries. That's your "gut" talking. Don't ignore it. New boyfriend has no boundaries and I'm certain he's treating Ex-DOL and grand kids like this too. That behavior is not something he can turn off an on. Think of the psychological and potential physical harm he could do to them.</p><p></p><p>If you start to make changes for yourself and your well-being they will not be met with cheers from others but I don't see that you have any other choice. You have to be the change in the situation so that you stop "covering-up" issues that need to be exposed and dealt with. Again, I'm an expert in that department and did it for so long. Always trying to glue all the pieces back together as if humpty-dumpty never fell off the wall. It's a full time job and exhausting. Sometimes the only way something gets fixed is if you allow for others to see it's broken.</p><p></p><p>Take care of yourself and make some serious changes for your safety and well-being.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 754080, member: 23405"] Skittles, I'm so sorry you find yourself here again but welcome back. I agree with just about everything posted here already. Great advice and discernment on the situation. You poor thing. You have been so used to this kind of treatment that you can't see the forest through the trees anymore. I've been there so I understand completely. When I read your story all I hear is "enabling, enabling, enabling". I'm an expert so it qualifies me to see this in others now :( Your situation is different but similar to when I was married to my verbally abusive alcoholic husband for 30 yrs. It's progressive. No one in their right mind would jump into a situation like this so I understand how it evolved with baby no. 1, no. 2 etc. Perhaps, your guilt over your sons inability to step in as a father, since he was in jail put you in the "FOG" (fear, obligation & guilt). I've been there. You have to remember you are not the parent and you can't try to be the parent your son should have been. I feel that you should stop enabling your ex- daughter-in-law. She has grown accustomed to you rescuing her and her kids. Enabling, as someone else mentioned is doing for others what they can do for themselves. Ex-DOL will have to figure things out and honestly she needs to make choices too for the best interest of her children. This new boyfriend is trouble and I would most definitely keep your boundaries. That's your "gut" talking. Don't ignore it. New boyfriend has no boundaries and I'm certain he's treating Ex-DOL and grand kids like this too. That behavior is not something he can turn off an on. Think of the psychological and potential physical harm he could do to them. If you start to make changes for yourself and your well-being they will not be met with cheers from others but I don't see that you have any other choice. You have to be the change in the situation so that you stop "covering-up" issues that need to be exposed and dealt with. Again, I'm an expert in that department and did it for so long. Always trying to glue all the pieces back together as if humpty-dumpty never fell off the wall. It's a full time job and exhausting. Sometimes the only way something gets fixed is if you allow for others to see it's broken. Take care of yourself and make some serious changes for your safety and well-being. [/QUOTE]
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