Trpl
New Member
So, I posted a couple of days ago about my difficult child and putting him into a boot camp like program. Even after my post and the responses, I was still unsure if it was the right direction.
Then, yesterday, husband and I decided it was time to let him know that we knew what he'd been up to (stealing, smoking, and drinking) and I called him. He was at school at first, then at the store 5 mins later, then at his girlfriend's (who is 19 while he's still 16, but choose your battles right?) Where, unknown to me, he's been staying for the last week because the electricity at the guardians house had been cut off for non payment!
Now, the guardian and I have been in close contact the whole 4 years she's had my difficult child & one of my easy child's. In the last year, things have been strained because I don't feel she is being as watchful of my difficult child as I would be.
So, why the heck wasn't I notified of all this!? Why the heck would she just let him go live with his girlfriend and her parents who I have never met or spoken to for that matter?! I don't even know where these people live!!He's not even there for her to keep an eye on!!
So difficult child refused to admit what he'd done, so we told him that was his choice but he was not allowed to come visit my home until he was ready to take the steps needed to stop behaving like this.
At that point I called the guardian and told her what I had found, and what he said. SHE LAUGHED and said she'd talk to him when she got home!
How is she supposed to talk to him when he isn't even there!? And she didn't bother to mention that he wasn't there, she wasn't going to tell me at all! I mentioned that I didn't know her electricity was out, she said it was fine, they'd all been staying at her husband's mother's house! She lied!
At that point I got off the phone with her and looked at husband who said what do you want to do?
Within the hour I had texted my difficult child to tell him to get to the guardian's house and pack his stuff, he had two hours and what wasn't packed would get left behind. Then I sent a text to the guardian telling her that I was coming to get him. She asked when and I told her I was on my way. Next I called the easy child and told him what was going on and asked him why he hadn't called me to let me know what had been going on with the electricity. He said it wasn't made out to be a big deal. They were staying in the pop-up out side. ( WHAT!? ) so I asked him, didn't it bother him not to have something as basic as electricity? His reply? "No, it's been fun, like camping mom." I asked him then if he's been staying with the guardians, he said yea. I asked if he wanted to stay, because, as always, he was welcome to come home and I was on my way up anyway. He asked if he could stay.
One of my best choices to let him stay there? Probably not.
Will I end up going to get him really friggin soon. Probably.
Ten minutes away from the guardians house I get a text from my sister (who is best friends with the guardian) saying that the guardian is really hurt and upset. I replied I know and I'm very sorry. I get there and guardian was in tears. I hugged her, told her I was sorry but I felt I needed to do this for him. She said his birth certificate and ss card were in his bag. I talked with easy child for a few minutes, asked again if he was sure he didn't want to come home. He said he wanted to stay.
On the way home, I chewed out my difficult child and told him his options. Then he admitted what he'd done as well as admitting he'd still been drinking, smoking, smoking pot at school, and having UN protected sex!
So, more the guardian is mad at me because I didn't have any consideration for her feelings or give her any notice that I was coming to get him.
Did I do the right thing for difficult child?
Am I doing the right thing by placating her since she still has one of my easy child's and I want the communication to stay open?
Then, yesterday, husband and I decided it was time to let him know that we knew what he'd been up to (stealing, smoking, and drinking) and I called him. He was at school at first, then at the store 5 mins later, then at his girlfriend's (who is 19 while he's still 16, but choose your battles right?) Where, unknown to me, he's been staying for the last week because the electricity at the guardians house had been cut off for non payment!
Now, the guardian and I have been in close contact the whole 4 years she's had my difficult child & one of my easy child's. In the last year, things have been strained because I don't feel she is being as watchful of my difficult child as I would be.
So, why the heck wasn't I notified of all this!? Why the heck would she just let him go live with his girlfriend and her parents who I have never met or spoken to for that matter?! I don't even know where these people live!!He's not even there for her to keep an eye on!!
So difficult child refused to admit what he'd done, so we told him that was his choice but he was not allowed to come visit my home until he was ready to take the steps needed to stop behaving like this.
At that point I called the guardian and told her what I had found, and what he said. SHE LAUGHED and said she'd talk to him when she got home!
How is she supposed to talk to him when he isn't even there!? And she didn't bother to mention that he wasn't there, she wasn't going to tell me at all! I mentioned that I didn't know her electricity was out, she said it was fine, they'd all been staying at her husband's mother's house! She lied!
At that point I got off the phone with her and looked at husband who said what do you want to do?
Within the hour I had texted my difficult child to tell him to get to the guardian's house and pack his stuff, he had two hours and what wasn't packed would get left behind. Then I sent a text to the guardian telling her that I was coming to get him. She asked when and I told her I was on my way. Next I called the easy child and told him what was going on and asked him why he hadn't called me to let me know what had been going on with the electricity. He said it wasn't made out to be a big deal. They were staying in the pop-up out side. ( WHAT!? ) so I asked him, didn't it bother him not to have something as basic as electricity? His reply? "No, it's been fun, like camping mom." I asked him then if he's been staying with the guardians, he said yea. I asked if he wanted to stay, because, as always, he was welcome to come home and I was on my way up anyway. He asked if he could stay.
One of my best choices to let him stay there? Probably not.
Will I end up going to get him really friggin soon. Probably.
Ten minutes away from the guardians house I get a text from my sister (who is best friends with the guardian) saying that the guardian is really hurt and upset. I replied I know and I'm very sorry. I get there and guardian was in tears. I hugged her, told her I was sorry but I felt I needed to do this for him. She said his birth certificate and ss card were in his bag. I talked with easy child for a few minutes, asked again if he was sure he didn't want to come home. He said he wanted to stay.
On the way home, I chewed out my difficult child and told him his options. Then he admitted what he'd done as well as admitting he'd still been drinking, smoking, smoking pot at school, and having UN protected sex!
So, more the guardian is mad at me because I didn't have any consideration for her feelings or give her any notice that I was coming to get him.
Did I do the right thing for difficult child?
Am I doing the right thing by placating her since she still has one of my easy child's and I want the communication to stay open?
