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Substance Abuse
Am I enabling by feeding my son?
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<blockquote data-quote="Stress Bunny" data-source="post: 628943" data-attributes="member: 4855"><p>It sounds like guilt is a big factor in what is driving your enabling behavior. Regardless of what happened in your son's life, he is an adult now and responsible for his decisions. Many people suffer poor childhoods and go on to overcome that in their adult lives. </p><p></p><p>Anyway, your actions are not at all helping your son. They are helping you. By continuing to allow your son to eat and shower and nap at your home, despite the driving factors of substance abuse and illegal behavior and a bad attitude, to boot, you are keeping him in a dependent, irresponsible state. That is not helping him. It is helping you because it makes you feel better to do so. If you love your son, put his needs ahead of your wants. He doesn't need a shower or food or naps. HE needs to take responsibility for HIS own actions that are causing so much trouble in HIS life. The showers, food, and naps are only symptoms of his problems in taking responsibility for his own choices. Providing such things will not solve any of his problems, and in fact, will perpetuate them.</p><p></p><p>Again, I see codependency issues all over the place here. I have no doubt professional counseling would be extremely helpful. If your spouse won't go, then go alone. Make that a priority. Counselors work with these issues all the time and will be able to help you navigate this difficult time with your son and your husband too.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry if I sound blunt. I truly empathize with your situation, and I am very sorry that you are going through all of this with your son, especially. But, please, please, open your eyes to what is happening here. You don't want to be in this same situation a decade from now. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Stress Bunny, post: 628943, member: 4855"] It sounds like guilt is a big factor in what is driving your enabling behavior. Regardless of what happened in your son's life, he is an adult now and responsible for his decisions. Many people suffer poor childhoods and go on to overcome that in their adult lives. Anyway, your actions are not at all helping your son. They are helping you. By continuing to allow your son to eat and shower and nap at your home, despite the driving factors of substance abuse and illegal behavior and a bad attitude, to boot, you are keeping him in a dependent, irresponsible state. That is not helping him. It is helping you because it makes you feel better to do so. If you love your son, put his needs ahead of your wants. He doesn't need a shower or food or naps. HE needs to take responsibility for HIS own actions that are causing so much trouble in HIS life. The showers, food, and naps are only symptoms of his problems in taking responsibility for his own choices. Providing such things will not solve any of his problems, and in fact, will perpetuate them. Again, I see codependency issues all over the place here. I have no doubt professional counseling would be extremely helpful. If your spouse won't go, then go alone. Make that a priority. Counselors work with these issues all the time and will be able to help you navigate this difficult time with your son and your husband too. I am sorry if I sound blunt. I truly empathize with your situation, and I am very sorry that you are going through all of this with your son, especially. But, please, please, open your eyes to what is happening here. You don't want to be in this same situation a decade from now. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. [/QUOTE]
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Am I enabling by feeding my son?
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