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Am I hitching a free ride?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 649262" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>hopeandjoy, I come from a family of major mental illness. My sister is bi-polar and is an artist who is actually quite successful. My brother is a schizophrenic who lived on the streets of L.A. for many, many years. My other brother and I got him on disability and got him a room in a sort of flop house apartment house 25 years ago where he still lives today. He can handle the life he is in, without supervision. My daughter is 42 and essentially homeless, presently couch surfing. So I am tuned in to just how capable mentally ill people can be or can't be. What I see is that unless they are psychotic and/or are so tuned out as to not know right from wrong, there has to be a certain willingness to handle their own lives. Without that, there is nothing anyone else can do. There is just so much help one can offer and there is a point where you become aware that there is nothing else you can do. The choice is yours to make as to how much you are wanting to involve yourself...........there is no right or wrong answer, we each have to make the choices necessary where we can live with ourselves peacefully. Once you know in your heart you've done your best, once you realize that nothing you do or don't do is going to make any difference, then, in my estimation, it is time to let go.</p><p></p><p>Each of us has to make that determination for ourselves. Some of us will determine that helping is the "right" thing to do for them, some of us will define the exact same behavior as enabling. We are only human, we can only do what we believe to be the right thing for us. It doesn't mean it is the right thing for everyone. There is no one size fits all around here.</p><p></p><p>For me it was right to let go, to detach, to accept what I can't change and let go of the suffering that went along with that. It has worked well for me. It may not work well for everyone and only they can decide on their course of action. It sounds to me as if you have done everything you can do. What your husbands ex does and what your step son does is out of your control. I support you standing strong in the boundaries you set.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 649262, member: 13542"] hopeandjoy, I come from a family of major mental illness. My sister is bi-polar and is an artist who is actually quite successful. My brother is a schizophrenic who lived on the streets of L.A. for many, many years. My other brother and I got him on disability and got him a room in a sort of flop house apartment house 25 years ago where he still lives today. He can handle the life he is in, without supervision. My daughter is 42 and essentially homeless, presently couch surfing. So I am tuned in to just how capable mentally ill people can be or can't be. What I see is that unless they are psychotic and/or are so tuned out as to not know right from wrong, there has to be a certain willingness to handle their own lives. Without that, there is nothing anyone else can do. There is just so much help one can offer and there is a point where you become aware that there is nothing else you can do. The choice is yours to make as to how much you are wanting to involve yourself...........there is no right or wrong answer, we each have to make the choices necessary where we can live with ourselves peacefully. Once you know in your heart you've done your best, once you realize that nothing you do or don't do is going to make any difference, then, in my estimation, it is time to let go. Each of us has to make that determination for ourselves. Some of us will determine that helping is the "right" thing to do for them, some of us will define the exact same behavior as enabling. We are only human, we can only do what we believe to be the right thing for us. It doesn't mean it is the right thing for everyone. There is no one size fits all around here. For me it was right to let go, to detach, to accept what I can't change and let go of the suffering that went along with that. It has worked well for me. It may not work well for everyone and only they can decide on their course of action. It sounds to me as if you have done everything you can do. What your husbands ex does and what your step son does is out of your control. I support you standing strong in the boundaries you set. [/QUOTE]
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