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General Parenting
Am I Over-Reacting?
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 231901" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>Each of us has to make reaction choices based on our child, our environment and the way we want our families to interact. I lean more toward using this as a learning experience. </p><p> </p><p>Has she made poor choices? Of course. Would I be angry and afraid? been there done that. on the other hand, she is socially immature. She is desperate for friends. She has run into an opportunity to be "with" a peer and she seized the chance which even to a typical teen is common.</p><p> </p><p>In lieu of confronting her, trapping her, embarrassing her etc. I would make the opportunity to take her for a ride or find somewhere it can be quiet and just the two of you...and then tell her the truth. That sets the example of mutual respect and most importantly truthful sharing. Tell her you have discovered that she has been X. Tell her that you have felt disappointed & fearful. Tell her that you love her and that you realize that right now is the time for the two of you to bond more closely. Then ask her to please explain what she has been doing, why she didn't tell etc. and listen VERY closely. </p><p> </p><p>What she shares with you is HUGELY important. How you react is equally important as it will demonstrate whether she will feel safe sharing other teen issues in the future.</p><p> </p><p>Fingers crossed that the car ride is with another nice kid with a caring family and perhaps a daughter who is eager to make a friend, too. It's possible. by the way, I would anticipate a punishment at home even if it turns out that the new friend is a gateway for your young teen. I've lived thru two teens who were desperately lonely...my most precious easy child who didn't "bloom" until she was around 20 and my still very needy 18 year old difficult child gs. It hurts a Mommy heart so the anguish of the teen must be almost too painful to bear. Good luck. DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 231901, member: 35"] Each of us has to make reaction choices based on our child, our environment and the way we want our families to interact. I lean more toward using this as a learning experience. Has she made poor choices? Of course. Would I be angry and afraid? been there done that. on the other hand, she is socially immature. She is desperate for friends. She has run into an opportunity to be "with" a peer and she seized the chance which even to a typical teen is common. In lieu of confronting her, trapping her, embarrassing her etc. I would make the opportunity to take her for a ride or find somewhere it can be quiet and just the two of you...and then tell her the truth. That sets the example of mutual respect and most importantly truthful sharing. Tell her you have discovered that she has been X. Tell her that you have felt disappointed & fearful. Tell her that you love her and that you realize that right now is the time for the two of you to bond more closely. Then ask her to please explain what she has been doing, why she didn't tell etc. and listen VERY closely. What she shares with you is HUGELY important. How you react is equally important as it will demonstrate whether she will feel safe sharing other teen issues in the future. Fingers crossed that the car ride is with another nice kid with a caring family and perhaps a daughter who is eager to make a friend, too. It's possible. by the way, I would anticipate a punishment at home even if it turns out that the new friend is a gateway for your young teen. I've lived thru two teens who were desperately lonely...my most precious easy child who didn't "bloom" until she was around 20 and my still very needy 18 year old difficult child gs. It hurts a Mommy heart so the anguish of the teen must be almost too painful to bear. Good luck. DDD [/QUOTE]
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