Janet, it comes down to people's perceptions of labels. "Depression: is increasingly acceptable these days because after all, 25% of the population have it at some stage. But there is still far more stigma attached to the "mental illness" tag. So many more implications. I know I personally would prefer a depression tag to a mental illness one.
I don't like it when people impose their views on how I label myself, so I won't criticise people who have a problem with this label and prefer that one. For example, I have labelled myself as disabled, for years now. Yet when a young man in our village had a nasty accident and was being mentored by a lifestyle guru (who turned out to be nasty charlatan) I was attacked for using such a negative label. The young man was being encouraged to think of himself as "differently abled". But for me, accepting the label "disabled" actually made it more possible for me to achieve more. If you fight too hard against what cannot be changed, you prevent yourself from changing what can be. I had to step back and relax a bit before I could surge ahead and accomplish things.
I'm thinking, mstddybr, that this is what upset you - the term "mental illness" has so many other implications in our minds, and when our kids get labelled especially by others, it brings out the mother tiger in us.
I'm all for calling a spade a spade. Yes, I have used the "I'm disabled, get me to the front of the queue" much to my kids' delight at amusement parks (plus we get to stay on the ride twice if I want) but if you use the specific label, it avoids confusion and misunderstanding.
It is sad when friends we are otherwise close to, don't get it. I have a good friend who is very critical of the help I give my adult kids. "At their age," she says, "They need to do it themselves." I noticed last time we were discussing easy child 2/difficult child 2, that my friend was accusing my daughter of her own daughter's failings. A sort of "this is my experience therefore it must be yours". My friend's daughter is a worry; I've quietly done my own unofficial personality analysis on her and it comes very close to narcissistic personality disorder. I ran the same test on easy child 2/difficult child 2 and got very different results. My friend's daughter has very different issues; plus she refuses to get any sort of therapist help, whereas my daughter has seen tdocs in the past and is now asking for help to see one again. My friend & I each have issues with a daughter, but there the resemblance ends.
Never underestimate the personal connection to ideas, thoughts and labels.
I have to accept that my friend has a blind spot (or twenty!) when it comes to her daughter. Also even our best friends will put their own children above ours. As do we.
It's normal.
Marg