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Am I steering my own, true course or heading for the rocks?
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<blockquote data-quote="Smithmom" data-source="post: 742670" data-attributes="member: 23371"><p>Sorry I don't know all the background here. </p><p></p><p>Is J needing only housing from you? I'm talking about what he absolutely needs from you. Then what does he want from you? Flip it around. What do you absolutely need from him? Want list we all know. I'd focus on those need lists and forget the rest. Can you narrow down those need lists to just a couple of things each? Then maybe you have a place to start and put all the rest aside. I say this because the above posts bring in so many, many things you want, or M wants, from him. And M has lists of what he needs and wants from both J and you. Isn't bringing M's lists into this negotiation making it unbearably complex? Sorry to be so analytical, but I am what I am. LOL.</p><p></p><p>Hypothetically, if the only thing on J's list is housing, could you go back to the drawing board with a place for him to sleep? Present him with 3 or options that are acceptable to you. Rehab obviously. Homeless shelter. </p><p></p><p>I would also urge you to not put too much pressure on this. It may not go well. He may have 3 or 4 acceptable housing options that are not at all acceptable to you. You need to be strong.</p><p></p><p>Don't know how you feel about this... But this really is about you and J. It might be better if the first cup of coffee was just you and J. Again, keep the stress low. More people, more stress. First about love. Later about logistics and future.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Smithmom, post: 742670, member: 23371"] Sorry I don't know all the background here. Is J needing only housing from you? I'm talking about what he absolutely needs from you. Then what does he want from you? Flip it around. What do you absolutely need from him? Want list we all know. I'd focus on those need lists and forget the rest. Can you narrow down those need lists to just a couple of things each? Then maybe you have a place to start and put all the rest aside. I say this because the above posts bring in so many, many things you want, or M wants, from him. And M has lists of what he needs and wants from both J and you. Isn't bringing M's lists into this negotiation making it unbearably complex? Sorry to be so analytical, but I am what I am. LOL. Hypothetically, if the only thing on J's list is housing, could you go back to the drawing board with a place for him to sleep? Present him with 3 or options that are acceptable to you. Rehab obviously. Homeless shelter. I would also urge you to not put too much pressure on this. It may not go well. He may have 3 or 4 acceptable housing options that are not at all acceptable to you. You need to be strong. Don't know how you feel about this... But this really is about you and J. It might be better if the first cup of coffee was just you and J. Again, keep the stress low. More people, more stress. First about love. Later about logistics and future. [/QUOTE]
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Am I steering my own, true course or heading for the rocks?
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