An update from a long absent warrior

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by dashcat, Dec 30, 2013.

  1. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Hello everyone,
    I've been away for awhile ... just too overwhelmed and confused to even seek support.

    Here's the backstory: difficult child, 22, found out she is pregnant with twins in July. She was living with a guy she met on Craigslist who she knew for a whole six weeks. She was "engaged" to said dude after a week. About three weeks after she found out she was pregnant, she left him and I allowed her to move back with me.

    It hasn't been perfect, but it has been better than I thought it could be. She quit smoking cigarettes and pot and drinking the day she found out about the babies. She still obsesses over t his guy and that (she's bipolar and guys have always been a huge issue), but her opportunities for such behavior have dwindled as the pregnancy progressed! Her bi-polar episodes have been less frequent severe (I heard this can happen)

    Her due date is 2/26, but the babies will be delivered (C section) 1/15. One baby's umbilical chord is not attached to the placent is attached to blood vessels attached to the placenta, and she is not getting what she needs. By next week, she will be safer in the NICU, so that's where she'll be.

    I see how sincerely she wants these babies, but I also know that her limitations are huge. She has insurance through Ossy (her dad, for those who don't know me) but the babies don't! She works part time at Target and the little money she makes just flows through her hands. I do make her pay rent (a small amount), but she has no clue. I am not of means to support these kids and the birthfather is already supporting three young children from a prior marriage and makes very little. There's only so much the court can order him to pay. I worry about he bi-polar - especially post partum depression.

    It's so scary and so out of my hands.

    If you are inclined, please pray for her and her daughters ... and throw one in for me, too!
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good to hear from you Dash. Sorry about the major upheaval in your life..........twins, wow. Is she considering adoption?

    I think if she were not living with you she would be eligible for assistance from the Government, have you looked in to that? On another thread another mother mentioned that her pregnant child could or was receiving quite a bit of assistance, including Section 8 housing, food stamps, medical insurance, etc.

    Saying prayers for you, your daughter and the twins.........God bless..........
  3. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Love hugs and prayers, please keep us updated. XO
  4. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Love and hugs, and good thoughts and prayers.
  5. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Dash, I'm glad you posted. I have been wondering how you are. Prayers going up for you, and for your daughter and the babies.

  6. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Lots of prayers and many gentle hugs
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    At her age she should be able to get some help through social services even though she is living with you. I know she can get food stamps for her and the babies and she doesnt have to count your income. She just has to say you guys cook and eat separately. Also the babies should get WIC. Medicaid is a no brainer. They are eligible and in fact, she should go now and apply for it and Ossy's insurance would be primary with medicaid being the secondary. The babies would automatically go on Medicaid the minute they are born.
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  8. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Great information, Janet!

  9. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    I was wondering and worrying about you for a long time. Glad to hear from you again. I'm so happy your daughter seems less symptomatic recently, and that she's not using. I sincerely hope she considers adoption, and I'm praying for the health and wellbeing of all of you.
  10. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Dash, I have been thinking about you as well!

    Taking on our children's children is a HUGE lifestyle change. I won't belittle that. We always had spending money before and now it seems we are living paycheck to paycheck again. I have bought him almost everything used and lots were donated, thankfully. I buy one case a diapers a month and daughter buys the other. She gets WIC for formula but it doesn't always last so she is responsible for buying that, too. It's tough, but we are making it work. There is help out there. Our daughter didn't qualify for much because of our incomes. Sure, we could have used a fase address or lied, but we don't. Zaxby's doesn't give her many hours either, but she ever calls in and always takes every hour offered to her so they cross trained her in the kitchen which hopefully means more hours!

    But the trade off. Wow. I didn't know I could love a child SO much that didn't come directly from me. It's a whole other level. We just love him SO SO much and I couldn't imagine my life without that precious baby smiling at me every morning now. And oh how that baby loves his grampa. He smiles and wiggles in excitement every time he sees him. :) For our family, Connor has been such a God given gift. Such a blessing. Having my daughter healthy, happy and watching her be such a devoted mother - worth every penny that I don't have anymore.

    My prayers are definitely with you, your daughter and your two granddaughters!!!
  11. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Just checking in, Dash. Even when we don't have the energy to post, it helps me to know others here are thinking about me, sending me strength, and wishing me well.

  12. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Thank you, everyone! You are all so wonderful. I am touched to think that you would be thinking of me (much less worrying!) in my absence.

    I am very proud of my daughter for the effort I see her putting forth. We had a long talk last night about her fears (mostly having to do with the early delivery,but also with her fear that the father could just snatch them away ...). As scared as I am, it does help to hang on to the good in all of this.

    She promised she'd start the WIC process tomorrow. I made an appointment for her with an attorney friend (there are some other matters to settle, but she will talk to difficult child about support, etc). Coincidentally, the attorney is president of a local agency, Birthcare, that provides diapers, formula and other necessities to mothers in need. She knows my circumstances and assured me that difficult child fell well within the guidelines for some assistance. We talked about money, also, last night and I strongly suggested that she ask Ossy to help her with a few of the start up supplies that she still needs. So far he has done .... nothing. Well, he did lend me some chairs and a table and set th em up for her shower. I invited his girlfriend and her daughter to the shower. They came and girlfriend was very gracious. Some of his family was in from out of town, so he did breeze in for a piece of cake at the end. He offered not a dime toward it, and had to be asked about the tables and chairs. He is in way better financial shape than me (currently putting about 10K into putting a bar and bathroom in his basement) and it's time for him to help her out a little.

    At todays ultrasound, Baby A weighed 2 lbs 14 ozs, baby B is 4 lbs 9 ozs. We are hoping and praying Baby A will at least reach three pounds in the next 13 days.

    I promise to do a better job of updating you.
  13. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hugs, Dash. Good to hear from you. When Youngest was pregnant and living with me, she was able to get Medicaid for my grandson after he was born. They did NOT count my income, even though they both lived with me. My grandson stayed on/was eligible for Medicaid until she got married, five years later. Definitely check into that in your state, for the babies when they are born. Sounds like you've got her on the right track with other agencies.. which is great.

    While my daughter still made some poor choices after her pregnancy(ies), they were not quite as bad as before (all things being relative). Eventually, she finally started taking her bipolar medications regularly, and keeping appts with her psychiatrist --- she recognized she couldn't function as a mom without her medications. Overall, she's doing pretty well today -- she handles stuff 100 times better than she used to. So, there is hope :)

    Hugs, again. Just because: I get it.
  14. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I have been "kinda" wondering about you too, Dash. It sounds like the deck still isn't stacked in your favor but it is wonderful that your difficult child is making positive changes. The birth of easy child/difficult child was a moment of concern but like some others my husband and I ended up sharing our home and our heart with him......little did we know that he would stay with us until he was 24, lol. We were afraid that GFGmom would not be capable of appropriately parenting him. We were right because when she got pg with #2 she was "shown the door" as previously agreed to...and #2 did not have daily love etc.

    You are at a crossroads. The vulnerability of the twins is a big factor for your family. I will include you and your family in my prayers and hope that if you take it one step at a time that it will be the correct path. Many heartfelt hugs. DDD
  15. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi dash, i just saw this. You won't believe it but i was just thinking about you the past couple days. Baby A's condition is certainly a worry and I will keep you all in my prayers.

    Ozzy need to step up, especially since he was so unconcerned when difficult child began her relationship with this dude and thought he was a good guy. I don't know how you get someone to do that though since he seems so good at the ignorance thing.

    Please keep me updated. I'm here you know, not far away. I care.

    Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app
  16. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    I so appreciate all your wisdom and support. Where else but here, could we draw on so many been there done that people?

    Nancy, You are so right. Ossy saw nothing wrong with the severe dysfunction of this dude and their relationship ... and avoidance is his MO. I will text you when the babies are born and you can post an update.

    It means the world to me that all of you are so supportive!
  17. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Reading the weights of the babies made them so much more real to me, Dash! I will pray for them, too. My heart goes out to that littlest one, especially. We have two babies in our family who were born under three pounds. One a male, one a female, both beautiful, healthy people now in their late twenties. There were issues at their births, of course. NICU for months, for both of them. But every problem resolved beautifully. And that was so long ago. Think how much more we know now, about how to care for the littlest ones.

    It is wonderful to hear from you, again.


  18. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I hope that these babies will be safe, and that your difficult child will continue to make progress. It sounds as though the pregnancy hormones are helping with her Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I have no clue about that, but is it possible that she could go on the pill after the babies are born to keep the hormones up? Maybe her doctor could consult with an endocrinologist. Just thinking out loud here...
  19. Heavy sigh

    Heavy sigh New Member

    My difficult child is bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and she is pregnant. She is completely off her medications and doing great. Wish the hormones could continue forever. :chuncky: All babies are a blessing regardless of how they start life -- praying for these precious little ones.