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An Update from DaisyFace
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 284081" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Daisy,</p><p></p><p>the third party trick was a true blessing for us to learn. I think it was the start of some real emotional growth from Wiz. He started really seeing that he wasn't useless or unworthy or terrible. something deep down inside had him feeling so terrible about himself that he was INCAPABLE of seeing the really positive things he did. I know how much of the lack of self-anything (esteem, respect, etc) started, but it does not explain all of it.</p><p></p><p>I really think it is so awesome that your difficult child made the lunch. I didn't know she had also done it for your son. That makes it even MORE awesome!</p><p></p><p>Sad as this next trick sounds, it still might help you with difficult child.</p><p></p><p>difficult child would get into the rut of telling me I hated him, slighted him, gave him less, and "never ever ever did anything at all nice to him" . That is exactly how he would phrase it.</p><p></p><p>I would then go about saying, "you are right. I never gave you swim goggles, or fixed your breakfast or lunch or dinner. I never let you play on the computer. I never set up fun lessons for homeschool. I never took you to the park, the movies, or a friends."</p><p></p><p>I usually only listed 4 or 5 things that I did. ALL of them had to be done in the last day or 3, and I only came out with this when the bean counting started (she got more than me, you love her more than me, etc...).</p><p></p><p>I did this at around the same time I did the third party praise. difficult child was confused the first few times I did it. It sort of jolted him out of that path to the rages. He became able to really SEE the things I did for him, and to see that it was part of how we expressed our love. After several months he even began to say "I never did X for mom, y for dad, q for Jessie and thank you." </p><p></p><p>That, in turn, helped him see what he did for us as part of how to show love.</p><p></p><p>I just thought I would mention the "I never" thing because it was really effective with the other thing. and both lead to some real emotional growth.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 284081, member: 1233"] Daisy, the third party trick was a true blessing for us to learn. I think it was the start of some real emotional growth from Wiz. He started really seeing that he wasn't useless or unworthy or terrible. something deep down inside had him feeling so terrible about himself that he was INCAPABLE of seeing the really positive things he did. I know how much of the lack of self-anything (esteem, respect, etc) started, but it does not explain all of it. I really think it is so awesome that your difficult child made the lunch. I didn't know she had also done it for your son. That makes it even MORE awesome! Sad as this next trick sounds, it still might help you with difficult child. difficult child would get into the rut of telling me I hated him, slighted him, gave him less, and "never ever ever did anything at all nice to him" . That is exactly how he would phrase it. I would then go about saying, "you are right. I never gave you swim goggles, or fixed your breakfast or lunch or dinner. I never let you play on the computer. I never set up fun lessons for homeschool. I never took you to the park, the movies, or a friends." I usually only listed 4 or 5 things that I did. ALL of them had to be done in the last day or 3, and I only came out with this when the bean counting started (she got more than me, you love her more than me, etc...). I did this at around the same time I did the third party praise. difficult child was confused the first few times I did it. It sort of jolted him out of that path to the rages. He became able to really SEE the things I did for him, and to see that it was part of how we expressed our love. After several months he even began to say "I never did X for mom, y for dad, q for Jessie and thank you." That, in turn, helped him see what he did for us as part of how to show love. I just thought I would mention the "I never" thing because it was really effective with the other thing. and both lead to some real emotional growth. [/QUOTE]
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